Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 2 [part 5]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

Oh, by the way, since I forgot to mention it at the end of the last post due to my rage over that Communist Manifesto simile, the blush count is now 6.

“I’ll take some coveralls. Heaven forbid I should ruin any clothing,” he says dryly.
I try and dismiss the unwelcome image of him without jeans.

WHY IS IT UNWELCOME.

JUST ACCEPT THAT YOU WANT TO BONE HIM.

EMBRACE YOUR BONER. EMBRACE IT.

So then they start talking about the interview and the article and Ana mentions how Kate’s bummed that they don’t have any original pictures of him to use. So he’s like well I’m free tomorrow…

“You’d be willing to attend a photo shoot?” My voice is squeaky again. Kate will be in seventh heaven if I can pull this off. And you might see him again tomorrow, that dark place at the base of my brain whispers seductively at me.

….Your own brain is seducing you? What? Nothing you say makes any sense. You are the worst.

“Kate will be delighted – if we can find a photographer.” I’m so pleased, I smile at him broadly. His lips part, like he’s taking a sharp intake of breath, and he blinks. For a fraction of a second, he looks lost somehow, and the Earth shifts slightly on its axis, the tectonic plates sliding into a new position.

I can literally see your plot happening entire chapters before you even get to it. Oh wow, you just conveniently need a photographer? GUESS WHO’S A PHOTOGRAPHER. His name starts with a J and he’s madly in love with Ana.

I SENSE DRAMA IN OUR FUTURE.

Also you best hope the tectonic plates didn’t all just slide into a new position.

BREAKING NEWS: attractive man blinks, throws entire surface of Earth out of alignment. Thousands dead. Millions injured. All over the world, hundreds of volcanoes erupt, their ash blocks out the sun. Christian Grey is to blame. Christian Grey has doomed the human race with his dashing good looks. A witch hunt begins.

….sort of want to write that book now.

So then Christian gives Ana his business card to call him, and then they’re interrupted by Ana’s friend/coworker Paul, who runs over and hugs Ana. Ana describes him as a “buddy”.

“You’re looking well, Ana, really well.” He grins as he examines me at arm’s length. Then he releases me but keeps a possessive arm draped over my shoulder. I shuffle from foot to foot, embarrassed. It’s good to see Paul, but he’s always been over-familiar.

Apparently EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER is in love with Ana. Why. WHY. She’s not even interesting! Literally all she has going for her is that she’s probably smoking hot, but she’s all humble about it and doesn’t see herself as being that much of a babe.

Ana introduces the two gentlemen and they’re all weird about it and manly and surly because they both want her and I’m literally waiting for one of them to pee on her to mark her as his property.

Finally Paul leaves them alone, and Christian is all weird now and cold because GOD FORBID Ana be seen with another dude. Ana rings Christian up, bags his purchases, and Christian goes to leave.

“Good. Until tomorrow, perhaps.” He turns to leave, then pauses. “Oh – and Anastasia, I’m glad Miss Kavanagh couldn’t do the interview.” He smiles, then strides with renewed purpose out of the store, slinging the plastic bag over his shoulder, leaving me a quivering mass of raging female hormones.

blinking

“quivering mass of raging female hormones?” Seriously? Because only women feel this way, men can never ever be rendered speechless by someone they find attractive.

Also I hate the word “quivering.” It’s just plain gross. Bleh.

Okay – I like him. There, I’ve admitted it to myself. I cannot hide from my feelings anymore. I’ve never felt like this before. I find him attractive, very attractive. But it’s a lost cause, I know, and I sigh with bittersweet regret.

FUCKING

FINALLY.

WAS THAT SO HARD?!

Ugh, why is it a lost cause? Literally everyone is in love with you, Ana, give yourself a little credit.

It was just a coincidence, his coming here.

I actually guarantee it wasn’t just a coincidence, but okay.

Except

hold on.

Ana, you never told him where you worked.

Also he lives relatively far away.

So this guy not only DROVE SEVERAL HOURS TO SEE YOU, but he also FOUND OUT WHERE YOU WORKED ON HIS OWN.

disgusted Jennifer Lawrence

What a creepy motherfucker.

–End of Chapter Two–

Two chapters in, and Christian Grey is already a creepy stalker guy, and Ana is just as stupid and annoying as she was in the first chapter.

Why. Who allowed this book to happen. I’m 2 chapters in and I hate it so much.

Be on the lookout for Chapter 3 on Friday!

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