Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 3 [part 3]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

So the photo shoot goes on and it’s really boring and nothing happens except Ana stares at Christian and pictures are taken and blah blah blah.

And then Christian asks Ana to walk with him, and Ana basically tweaks the fuck out.

“Good day to you all,” says Grey as he opens the door, standing aside to allow me out first.
Holy hell… what’s this about? What does he want? I pause in the hotel corridor, fidgeting nervously as Grey emerges from the room followed by Mr. Buzz-Cut [Christian’s body guard] in his sharp suit.
“I’ll call you, Taylor,” he murmurs to Buzz-Cut. Taylor wanders back down the corridor, and Grey turns his burning gray gaze to me. Crap… have I done something wrong?

Yeah, those thoughts in italics? COMPLETELY USELESS. I’m already asking that question of myself! I don’t need you to put it into words for me, I’m not as stupid as you think I am, obviously.

And it’s already obvious that Ana is thinking that! You could just cut that line and you’d still get that idea out of the way Ana is standing in the hall, “fidgeting nervously.” You’ve already implied that she’s wondering what this is about, you don’t need to come right out and say it.

I swear, E.L. James must think her readers are idiots if she thought they couldn’t figure that shit out for themselves.

Also, what a great relationship this is leading towards. Ana’s first instinct is that she’s done something wrong. Either she’s terrified of him, or she’s got a guilt complex the size of the moon. Probably both. So not only is she scared of him, but she’ll blame herself for everything that goes wrong.

HOW LOVELY. A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.

“I wondered if you would join me for coffee this morning.”
My heart slams into my mouth. A date? Christian Grey is asking me on a date. He’s asking if you want a coffee. Maybe he thinks you haven’t woken up yet, my subconscious whines at me in a sneering mood again.

shut up

Apparently Anastasia Steele is motherfucking Gollum/Smeagol.

She’s having entire conversations with herself in her head, arguing with herself. She referred to herself as “you.” Pretty soon she’ll be saying this out loud and then she’ll crawl in a cave and lose all her hair and some things that should not have been forgotten will be lost.

…is it bad that I hope that actually happens? I mean, I know it won’t, but…a girl can dream, right?

“I have to drive everyone home,” I murmur apologetically, twisting my hands and fingers in front of me.
“TAYLOR,” he calls, making me jump. Taylor, who had been retreating down the corridor, turns and heads back toward us.
“Are they based at the university?” Grey asks, his voice soft and inquiring. I nod, too stunned to speak.
“Taylor can take them. He’s my driver. We have a large 4×4 here, so he’ll be able to take the equipment, too.”

benji does not want

“What?! Pretty girl is saying no to me? I guess I’ll just have to TAKE AWAY ALL HER EXCUSES AND MAKE HER FEEL REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE! Yes this is the way to a woman’s heart.”

What. Even.

If you’re trying to ask someone out, and they say “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t, I’ve got to drive my friends home/run errands/finish homework/etc etc etc,” your response should not be “I’ll drive your friends home!” or “We can run errands together!” or “Oh come on, you can do homework later!” If the person says no, they probably mean no, and whether or not their excuse is valid, you need to accept it and move on.

I don’t know, I guess it’s not that bad, Christian isn’t being that creepy here, I just HATE when people do that, like when people have been “oh hey, let’s hang out!” and I’m like “ahhh I have to do this thing” and they say “you can do it while we hang out!” or “do it later!” or “Come on, one drink won’t hurt you!” it drives me insane.

So then it’s decided that Taylor won’t drive them home, Ana will just swap vehicles with Kate and Kate will drive everyone home in Ana’s car…although I’m not sure why Kate couldn’t drive everyone home in Kate’s car? But okay.

Grey smiles a dazzling, unguarded, natural, all-teeth-showing, glorious smile. Oh my… and he opens the door of the suite so I can reenter.

Literally all I could think of:

hello sharks

You are now picturing Christian Grey as a shark for the remainder of this book series. You’re welcome.

Ana goes over to talk to Kate about borrowing her car, and Kate is standing and talking to José. How much you want to bet this is going to be good.

“Ana, I think he definitely likes you,” she says with no preamble whatsoever.

WOW REALLY?! NO SHIT. I HAD NO IDEA. YOU ARE SO OBSERVANT KATE, GOOD JOB.

José glares at me with disapproval. “But I don’t trust him,” she adds. I raise my hand up in the hope that she’ll stop talking. By some miracle, she does.

Okay that’s actually a good observation Kate, because he IS creepy, but you are literally basing that observation on NOTHING. You’ve been in the same room with him for half an hour for a photoshoot, I hardly think that’s a good way to judge someone’s character. If you were going to pull the “I don’t trust him” card, it should have been back when Christian visited Ana at work, even though he lives in Seattle and you guys live 2.5 hours away in Vancouver, WA, and Ana hadn’t even told him where she worked. That was some majorly creepy stalking, and all you did was go “OMG ANA A BOY MIGHT LIKE YOU AND YOU’RE BLUSHING SO YOU LIKE HIM BACK LOLOL GIRL TALK”. You’re a little late to the game now.

Also, José, why are you glaring at Ana? “HOW DARE THIS PRETTY GIRL I LIKE TALK TO A GUY WHO’S MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN I AM. WHAT A BITCH.” No. Stop. If you liked it you should have put a ring on it.

ALSO, ANA, Kate is your BEST FRIEND, and she is trying to tell you that she is concerned about the dude that you might go spend time with alone, and you’re all WOW CAN U SHUT UP LIKE OMG.

Jesus, all of you are just ridiculous.

 

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