Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 4 [part 3]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

And now Kate and Ana are out at the bar with José! I see no way for this to go badly!

Ana then proceeds to drink FIVE MARGARITAS, after already drinking several glasses of champagne back at the apartment.

benji does not want

FIVE.

Now, I know some people have various tolerances, but Ana is pretty skinny (she even describes herself as “too skinny”). She also isn’t super tall, and she’s also not much of a drinker, since this is the first real mention of alcohol that I’m aware of. So she doesn’t have much of a tolerance.

She. Is. Sloshed.

But apparently she’s able to have a perfectly coherent conversation with José about how her and Kate are moving to Seattle after graduation, because Kate’s parents are apparently fucking LOADED and just BOUGHT THE TWO OF THEM A GODDAMNED CONDO.

I’m sorry, I forgot that this book was set in GODDAMNED FANTASY LAND.

Jesus. H. Christ. I wish that was my graduation present from my parents.  My graduation present from my parents was “here’s a cake and a case of beer. We’ll let you live with us until you find a job.” Which, granted, that’s pretty amazing, but still. A condo in Seattle? Fuck you guys.

And then José makes some comment about his photography show thing that he wants Ana to go to and Ana says she’ll be there.

“It means a lot to me that you’ll be there, Ana,” he whispers in my ear. “Another margarita?”
“José Luis Rodriguez – are you trying to get me drunk? Because I think it’s working.” I giggle. “I think I’d better have a beer. I’ll go get us a pitcher.”

First of all, José is being a creepy motherfucker.

Second of all,

ANA YOU ARE ALREADY WASTED. YOU ARE FIVE MARGARITAS DEEP. YOU ARE ALREADY SO DRUNK THAT YOU SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO FUNCTION NORMALLY.

YOU DO NOT NEED A PITCHER OF BEER.

Contrary to popular belief (or at least Ana’s belief), BEER CONTAINS ALCOHOL AND WILL MAKE YOU MORE DRUNK.

tulio headdesk

This night is going to end with Ana dead and/or being taken advantage of by CreepMaster José over here. Oh goodie.

And then when Ana gets up, she’s just magically trashed out of nowhere. Before she was fine, and then she stands up and suddenly it’s DrunkTown, USA, population Anastasia Steele.

Oh. Splendid. She then decides to drunk-dial Christian Grey.

Christian of course figures out that she’s sloshed, because suddenly she’s slurring her words, even though she had no trouble speaking LITERALLY TWO SECONDS AGO. He then demands to know where she is and how she’s getting home, BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING STALKER.

“I’m coming to get you,” he says and hangs up. Only Christian Grey could sound so calm and so threatening at the same time.

honey please

THAT

IS

BECAUSE

HE

IS

STALKING

YOU.

I didn’t tell him where I was. He can’t find me here. Besides, it will take him hours to get here from Seattle, and we’ll be long gone by then.

How much you want to bet that he CAN find you there, and not only that but he’ll probably be there in about 10 minutes. He’s probably outside right now, and the whole “where are you” thing was just a show because he didn’t want you to know that he already knew where you were because he’s probably been FOLLOWING YOU ALL DAY.

“Kate, I think I’d better step outside and get some fresh air.”
“Ana, you are such a lightweight.”

I say again.

FIVE

GODDAMNED

MARGARITAS.

FIVE OF THEM.

Oh. Oh shit.

José has joined her outside.

“Do you need a hand?” he asks and steps closer, putting his arm around me.
“José, I’m okay. I’ve got this.” I try and push him away rather feebly.
“Ana, please,” he whispers, and now he’s holding me in his arms, pulling me close.
“José, what are you doing?”
“You know I like you Ana, please.” He has one hand at the small of my back holding me against him, the other at my chin tipping back my head. Holy fuck…he’s going to kiss me.
“No José, stop – no.” I push him, but he’s a wall of hard muscle, and I cannot shift him. His hand has slipped into my hair, and he’s holding my head in place.
[…]
“José, no,” I plead. I don’t want this. You are my friend, and I think I’m going to throw up.
“I think the lady said no.” A voice in the dark says quietly. Holy shit! Christian Grey, he’s here. How? José releases me.

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS BUT I FELT HORRIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR THE DURATION OF THAT SCENE.

I know I shouldn’t be glad that Christian is there, because he’s just as much of a creepy asshole as José is, but at least I think Christian won’t kiss Ana without her permission. Jesus.

And then Ana pukes. Good job, Ana. Way to go.

And as much as I hate Christian, he helps hold her hair back and holds her while she pukes, which is absolutely adorable.

Goddammit, stop making me sort of stop hating Christian Grey.

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