Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 8 [part 5]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

ALMOST THERE! 12 iPhone pages left!

“I want to fuck your mouth, Anastasia, and I will soon,” his voice is hoarse, raw, his breathing more disjointed.

Wow, way to ask if that’s okay? Oh, I forgot, it’s all about HIS pleasure, who gives a fuck if it’s what she wants, right? That’s how sex works, right?

nope like a boss

And now Christian is putting on another condom…even though he never took the other one off?

What.

“We’re going to go real slow this time, Anastasia,” he breathes.

WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THAT THE FIRST TIME.

I can't deal with you for this long

WHY ARE YOU SO RIDICULOUS.

THIS SEX SCENE IS SO FRUSTRATING.

GOD

DAMN

EVERYTHING.

“You. Are. So. Sweet,” he murmurs between each thrust. “I. Want. You. So. Much.”

really

In between each thrust? REALLY. Really. What even. That’s so weird. Ugh.

And then Christian tells Ana to cum for him, and she just DOES, because apparently it’s just THAT EASY.

I hate to think how many women think there’s something wrong with them because they can’t orgasm this easy. Trust me, ladies, it’s not that easy for most people. You’re not weird. You’re perfectly normal. Every body is different.

Christian follows with two sharp thrusts, and he freezes, pouring himself into me as he finds his release.

But he’s…he’s wearing a condom? Why is he pouring himself into you? Can you even feel it? Idk, I guess that’s not ridiculous. I’m just 200% done with this whole scene so I find everything ridiculous.

And then they fall asleep.

When Ana wakes up, it’s just before dawn, and she hears piano music. She goes out of the bedroom and finds Christian playing the piano naked, you know, like you normally do post-sex.

…except actually he’s wearing pajama pants? I guess he was just shirtless. I don’t know why Ana told us he was naked when he wasn’t. That was stupid.

GOD WHY IS THIS CHAPTER SO LONG.

WHY COULDN’T IT JUST END WITH THEM FALLING ASLEEP.

WHY DOES THIS BOOK EXIST.

WHY.

They go back to the bedroom, because Christian demands that Ana gets some sleep, because he’s a control-freak and has ridiculous expectations of people, specifically Ana, but whatever.

We both glance down at the bed at the same time. There’s blood on the sheets – evidence of my lost virginity. I flush, embarrassed, pulling the duvet tighter around me.

YES YOU SHOULD BE SO EMBARRASSED. HOW DARE YOU PRODUCE BLOOD WHEN YOU HAVE SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME. THAT’S SO ABNORMAL AND DEFINITELY HASN’T HAPPENED TO ANYONE ELSE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.

honey please

So then they stare at each other for like a full minute, because that’s…normal, and then Ana tries to touch his chest and he gets super weird and steps away from her and orders her to get back in the bed while he puts on a t-shirt.

I sense some character development in our future!

“Sleep, sweet Anastasia,” he murmurs, and I close my eyes, but I can’t help feel a residual melancholy either from the music or his demeanor. Christian Grey has a sad side.

-End of Chapter Eight-

I will admit, I skipped a LOT. My purpose isn’t to copy the whole book out for you to read, I mostly just want to summarize it and cite examples of why this book is ridiculous and horrible in every possible way.

If you want to read the full sex scene (and I assure you, you don’t), you’ll have to buy the book yourself, or borrow it from a friend.

Basically, all this chapter did was try and replicate porn, which is the OPPOSITE of what it should be doing because porn already gives people COMPLETELY unrealistic expectations about sex, and this book just makes it worse. Women reading it probably get the idea that they’re weird for not orgasming so easily, or they’ll think their men aren’t good enough at sex, or they’ll think they should be orgasming in different ways than they are, like orgasming from touching their boobs. None of these expectations are realistic, and that’s part of why this book is so bad.

“But it’s just a book, Caitlin! It’s just for fun! Why are you getting so mad?”

Books, like all forms of media, affect the way we view the world, and the way we view ourselves. Books can change the world, can change our minds. Books can make or break us. Books can save us. Books make us cry, make us smile, make us laugh, make us throw things. Throughout history, the written word has changed the world.

So no. It’s not just a book. It’s one of the best selling books of all-time. It is in our homes, in our brains, in our collective consciousness. It is affecting how we view sex, and we need to look at it very critically.

Is it wrong to enjoy it? No. I think the book is a horrific assault on the English language, and is an insult to authors everywhere, but that’s my opinion. If you enjoy reading it, that’s fine. But it’s necessary to look critically at all forms of media, ESPECIALLY ones that you like. It’s okay to recognize problems in the things you love, in fact, you should ALWAYS try to recognize problems in the things you love, because there are problems in everything, because nothing is perfect, and it’s important to acknowledge that and then decide how you feel about that thing. If you just ignore the problems and pretend they don’t exist, those problems will seep into your subconscious and affect the way you think and act, and you won’t even realize it.

Anyway, that’s my opinion on the matter, feel free to argue with me. I’ll discuss this whole idea more once we get to the end of this book, but for now I’ll leave off here.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I will be creating a tumblr page for this blog, and the sole purpose for the tumblr page is so people can utilize the ask box feature. So if you have a question or comment that you want to make and for whatever reason you don’t feel comfortable asking openly, feel free to go to that tumblr page and ask/comment whatever you want. The anonymous feature will be on. Be on the lookout for that, I’ll post it as a separate page at the top of this blog, there will be a link there.

See you Monday!

 

 

 

 

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