Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 10 [part 4]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

“Well, how was it? I couldn’t stop thinking about you, after Elliot left, that is.” She grins mischievously.

spongebob I see what you did there

NOW KISS.

So they start talking about sex, and Kate tells Ana about her first time, which was really bad apparently, which is a bummer.

And then Kate says this:

“Yeah, took almost a year to have my first orgasm through penetrative sex and here you are…first time?”

UM.

STOP.

NOT EVERYONE HAS ORGASMS THROUGH PENETRATIVE SEX.

AND ACTUALLY WHEN YOU ORGASM THROUGH PENETRATION, IT’S NOT BECAUSE OF THE PENETRATION, IT’S BECAUSE YOUR CLITORIS IS STILL BEING STIMULATED SOMEHOW DUE TO THE PENETRATION.

Ladies, if you don’t orgasm from penetration alone, YOU ARE TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY NORMAL. No matter how you orgasm, you are normal! Don’t let this book tell you that there is something wrong or different about you sexually.

And ALSO, if you don’t orgasm, it’s not always the guy’s fault! Your orgasm is YOUR responsibility, it’s YOUR body, and you need to take charge. If he isn’t making you orgasm, MAKE YOURSELF ORGASM. Figure out how to make yourself come while you masturbate, alone, and then try and incorporate that into sex! Whether that means teaching him how to do what you do, or doing it yourself, whatever works!

Half the things this book says about sex are so wrong it makes me want to light myself on fire. Ugh.

They talk about Elliot and moving and a bunch of other bullshit, and then Ana decides she’s hungry (even though she LITERALLY just ate) and decides to go cook.

“José has been calling every hour on the hour. He sounded desperate.”
“I’ll call him,” I mutter evasively. If I tell Kate about José, she’ll have him for breakfast.

yes JLaw

GOOD. THAT IS HOW YOU SHOULD BE REACTING TO HIM. HE DID SOMETHING VERY, VERY WRONG TO YOU AND ALL THE APOLOGIES IN THE WORLD CAN’T MAKE IT RIGHT.

But I guarantee that Ana will forgive him because he’s her friend, even though he’s a horrible friend and was probably only her friend because he wanted to sleep with her.

Why are all the guys in this book awful people? Explain that to me.

OH.

And then Ana opens her mail and just magically has 2 interviews at publishing houses in Seattle, interviews for paid internships, which DON’T FUCKING EXIST EVER ANYWHERE.

I just graduated with a creative writing degree, I had a 4.0 GPA, I’ve been looking for editing jobs (or really anything that will pay me), and I haven’t found anything yet. I’ve even looked at publishing jobs in Seattle in the past and oh, guess what? There are are VERY FEW publishing houses based in Seattle. You want a publishing job? You go to New York, or you go to Chicago (which is actually where I am, but still, hard to find publishing jobs).

But since this book exists in magic christmas land where everything goes perfect for Anastasia Steele, she just magically gets two interviews at the two places she applied for.

…still not sure why she was informed of those interviews via letter and not email or phone call, but whatever?

Then we find out that apparently Kate is going on vacation with her family, which I guess is important or something, I don’t know. I don’t really care about much in this book, to be honest. And then Ana answers her phone and WOOP DI DOO it’s José.

“Can I see you? I’m sorry about Friday night. I was drunk…and you…well. Ana – please forgive me.”
“Of course, I forgive you José. Just don’t do it again. You know I don’t feel like that about you.”

NOPE

WRONG

FAIL.

THIS IS HOW YOUR CONVERSATION WITH HIM SHOULD HAVE GONE, ANA:

flipping off comic

And what the fuck, being drunk doesn’t give you an excuse to be a shitty human being. If I got drunk and murdered someone, I’d still be a murderer, so if you got drunk and turned into a giant asshole, guess what? YOU’RE STILL AN ASSHOLE.

And what the fuck were you going to say when you said “And you…well.”

And she WHAT.

And she was DRUNK?

And she was ASKING FOR IT?

Was she dressed too seductively and you just couldn’t control yourself?

Did she owe you for something? Did she owe you sex because you’d been a good friend to her?

nope

There is no excuse for what José did, and there is CERTAINLY nothing he can blame Ana for, because HE ASSAULTED HER, AND THAT IS IN NO WAY HER FAULT.

UGH I HATE THIS FUCKING BOOK. I HATE THESE CHARACTERS. WHY DID SHE FORGIVE HIM. HE WAS SUCH A PILE OF SHIT TO HER. FUCK.

OH

AND THEN

HE FUCKING TRIES TO GUILT TRIP HER ABOUT CHRISTIAN, AND EVEN ASKS IF SHE’S WITH CHRISTIAN BECAUSE CHRISTIAN IS RICH.

WHAT THE FUCK.

WHY ARE YOU STILL FRIENDS WITH HIM, ANA? JOSE IS THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT PERSON I HAVE EVER HEARD OF.

UGHH.

And then Kate and Ana eat and watch TV and then decide to go to bed.

Or at least Kate is going to bed. Ana, on the other hand, is going to take another look at that contract.

BUM BUM BUMMMMM.

…how exciting.

-END OF CHAPTER 10-

WELL. I just about want to murder every single person in this book.

Christian is a pile of shit. José is an even bigger pile of shit, if that’s possible, and Ana is just meek and oblivious and is content to let everyone just walk all over her.

Only 16 more chapters of this bullshit left!

Kill me.

 

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