Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 11 [part 1]

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Happy Friday!

RECAP: So Ana meets Christian’s mother, which is really uneventful, because his mom sees Ana and says “Well I was going to invite you to lunch but I see you have other plans” which is the motherly equivalent of “go get your dick wet, son.” Ana gets a phone call from José, who, as always, is being a giant pile of horse manure and is whining about how she won’t talk to him even though he tried to sexually assault her in the parking lot of a bar and she has every right not to talk to him, but whatever. Christian gets super jealous and basically tells Ana that he doesn’t like other people touching his stuff, because he already views Ana as his property, which is a shitty view to have in a relationship. They leave and drive back to Ana’s place, but first they stop at a restaurant for lunch. Christian reveals that he was the submissive to one of his mother’s friends when he was 16, which is super fucked up and explains some of his stupid fucked-upness. They get back to Ana’s apartment and Christian drops her off. Ana talks to Kate about sex and Kate has all kinds of wrong ideas about sex (like how if you don’t have an orgasm through penetration alone there’s something wrong with you or with the guy you’re with WHICH IS NOT TRUE AT ALL UGH). Kate goes to bed, and Ana decides to look at that contract that Christian gave her before she left.

LET’S DO THIS, Y’ALL.

-Chapter Eleven-

Oh shit, guys, this chapter starts off almost immediately with a copy of the contract.

This calls for a bullet point list! Get ready for some bullshit.

  • “The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to explore her sensuality and her limits safely, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits and her wellbeing.”

Well. That’s the first real mention of the Submissive wanting to take part in this, but it still doesn’t mention that this arrangement is for the Submissive’s pleasure just as much as it’s for the Dominant’s pleasure, but okay. This is a step in the right direction.

  • “…all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract.”

WOOO! It mentions consent! Oh my goodness I might cry. Consent is so important in BDSM and this is the first time the book really mentions it and I’m so happy.

HURRAY CONSENT.

  • “The Dominant may use the Submissive’s body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.”

really black and white

UM. What.

This contract is referring to the Submissive’s body as if it’s a kind of appliance. Like a blender. And what the fuck does “sexually or otherwise” mean?

“Alright, so today instead of doing anything sexual, I’m going to use you as a coat rack, so just hold my coat for like an hour and then you can leave.”

I appreciate that Christian is a businessman so he uses contracts and he has a lawyer and stuff so this sort of makes sense, but this is a really fucked up contract.

  • “The Dominant may flog, spank, whip or corporally punish the Submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obligated to provide.”

Uuughhhhh YOU KEEP FORGETTING THAT SHE’S SUPPOSED TO WANT HIM TO DO THIS AS WELL. THIS ISN’T ALL ABOUT HIS PLEASURE. STOP IT.

  • “The Submissive accepts the Dominant as her master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term.”

EXCEPT SHE’S A HUMAN FUCKING BEING AND NOT PROPERTY.

In BDSM you can play at being property, I know I’ve seen things where the submissive is even kept in a cage at times (CONSENSUALLY), but it’s ROLE PLAYING. The Submissive is never ACTUALLY PROPERTY, BECAUSE A HUMAN BEING CAN’T BE PROPERTY, BECAUSE THEY’RE A FUCKING PERSON AND NOT A GODDAMNED CHAIR.

FUCK.

EVERYTHING.

  • “The Submissive will ensure that she procures oral contraception and ensure that she takes it as and when prescribed to prevent any pregnancy.”

you're gonna get punched

 

EXCEPT IT’S NOT JUST HER JOB TO NOT GET PREGNANT?!

IT’S CALLED CONDOMS?!

AND IF SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TAKE A PILL THAT FUCKS WITH HER HORMONES AND HAS POTENTIALLY LIFE THREATENING SIDE EFFECTS LIKE BLOOD CLOTS THEN SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO NOT DO THAT?

FUCK.

I know it feels better without condoms. I get that.

But you can’t fucking demand that someone goes on the pill for you, Christian. This is something that you discuss with your partner because maybe she doesn’t want to go on the pill, and the pill has WAY WORSE SIDE EFFECTS than condoms do, because unless you’re allergic to latex, the worst thing you get from a condom is “oh it doesn’t feel as good and also my dick smells like latex now, which is kind of gross.”

And what if she doesn’t want oral contraceptives! What if she wants one of the other kinds, like NuvaRing or a Diaphragm or an IUD or something?

This isn’t just a clause in a contract, THIS IS SOMEONE ELSE’S BODY, YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

UGH.

  • “The Submissive shall not touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.”

alan rickman table flip

 

SO FUCKING DONE.

This contract takes all the fun out of BDSM, in my opinion anyway. It should be a mutually agreed upon understanding between two consenting parties, not a contract that was written up by one party without the opportunity for additions/changes by the other party.

If Ana signs this thing I swear to god.

  • “The Submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do so without hesitation or argument.”

AGAIN. FUCKING CONSENT. WHAT THE FUCK. IF SHE DOESN’T WANT TO DO SOMETHING YOU CAN’T FORCE HER, REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY FUCKING CONTRACTS YOU’VE HAD HER SIGN, YOU PILE OF FUCKS.

And then there’s a whole section on safe words, which I’m honestly a little surprised to see, since this whole contract seemed like it was all about creepy non-consensual things.

  • “The Safeword “Yellow” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive is close to her limit of endurance.”
  • “The Safeword “Red” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said the Dominant’s action will cease completely with immediate effect.”

mr krabs shocked

It actually mentions safe words! And details what they mean and stuff!

DREAMS DO COME TRUE!

 

 

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