Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 14 [part 1]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

RECAP: Ana thinks a lot about the contract and everything it involves. Her and Christian send a billion stupid emails back and forth being all sassy and flirty and none of it is interesting. Ana goes to work and is constantly harassed by the brother of the owner of the store she works at, and even when she says she has a date that night, Paul says he doesn’t believe her, because he is RIDICULOUS. Ana goes on her date with Christian, and Christian actually says some things about BDSM relationships that are accurate (shocking, I know). Of course, Christian Grey can’t go more than 2 pages without infuriating me, so he basically threatens to rape Ana (Ana says she’d rather stay in public, on neutral ground, and Christian goes “Do you think that would stop me?” which is just creepy and horrible and wrong). They discuss the contract and whether or not Ana trusts Christian, and at the end of the night Ana tells Christian that she needs to leave and think about everything and doesn’t want to go home with him. Ana leaves and turns into a weepy mess because she’s worried she’ll never see Christian again, even though literally THE NEXT DAY they have graduation (she’s graduating, he’s speaking).

Let’s see how mad I get at this chapter!

-Chapter Fourteen-

Christian is standing over me grasping a plaited, leather riding crop. He’s wearing old, faded, ripped Levis and that’s all. He flicks the crop slowly into his palm as he gazes down at me. He’s smiling, triumphant. I cannot move. I am naked and shackled, spread-eagled on a large four-poster bed. Reaching forward, he trails the tip of the crop from my forehead down the length of my nose, so I can smell the leather, and over my parted, panting lips. He pushes the tip into my mouth so I can taste the smooth, rich leather.
“Suck,” he commands, his voice soft. My mouth closes over the tip as I obey.

spit take ellen

PLEASE GOD TELL ME THIS IS A DREAM.

IF THIS ISN’T A DREAM SEQUENCE I WILL VOMIT AND DIE.

Abruptly, I wake, gasping for breath, covered in sweat and feeling the aftershocks of my orgasm. Holy hell.

THANK YOU JESUS.

Although I will say that I hate dream sequences in stories. That’s mostly my own personal preference, and I know they can be well done, they’re just always used for heavy-handed foreshadowing or symbolism and that’s so boring. If you want to foreshadow something, there are WAY better ways to do it than in a dream. Dreams are too easy.

But again, that’s my own personal preference, you are welcome to enjoy dream sequences if you want.

Ana leaves her bedroom to find Kate in the kitchen. Kate starts asking a bunch of questions about how Ana’s date was, and Ana is all mopey and avoids the questions. Ana finally distracts Kate from her line of inquiry, asking to hear Kate’s speech, because I guess Kate is valedictorian or something. Kate goes to “fetch” her speech (she literally says fetch. WHO SAYS FETCH IN REAL LIFE. STOP TRYING TO MAKE FETCH HAPPEN) and leaves Ana in the kitchen to make tea and mope some more.

I’m not sure I have the stomach to be his submissive – deep down, it’s the canes and whips that put me off. I’m a physical coward, and I will go a long way to avoid pain.

If you “go a long way to avoid pain,” maybe BDSM isn’t for you. I mean, it’s not ALL about pain, it’s mostly about control, but pain is part of it more often than not, and if you can’t handle pain, you should find a different boyfriend.

We get a jump in time, and suddenly Ana is all ready and her step-dad Ray is at the front door. They hang out for a little bit, and then leave to go to the ceremony. Apparently Ray is Ana’s only guest…I guess she doesn’t have any uncles or aunts, which is kind of sad, and her mom can’t come because her mom’s new husband is injured.

And then the ceremony begins.

And, like every graduation ceremony to ever exist, it is…boring. Ana is sitting by people she doesn’t know, and there are teachers and people applaud and it’s all quite dumb.

And then Christian get’s onstage. And he’s wearing his gray silk tie, the one he has used to tie Ana up several times.

The two girls next to Ana start to talk about him.

“Must be Christian Grey.”
“Is he single?”
I bristle.
“I don’t think so,” I murmur.
“Oh.” Both girls look at me in surprise.
“I think he’s gay,” I mutter.

lololol Ana’s jealous.

Christian’s eyes find Ana, and he stares at her, partially smiling, for a couple seconds before blinking and resuming his indifferent expression. He then refuses to look at Ana for several minutes, which, of course, makes Ana freak the fuck out.

Perhaps walking out on him last night was the end for him, too. He’s bored of waiting for me to make up my mind. Oh no, I could have completely blown it. I remember his email last night. Maybe he’s mad that I haven’t replied.

I thought we’d already agreed that this relationship wasn’t what you wanted, and you weren’t going to agree to it??? What happened to sassy, no-nonsense Ana??

Kate gets up and gives her speech, and of course it’s perfect and wonderful because no one in this book has any real flaws.

Now it’s Christian’s turn to give a speech.

In his speech he talks about how he’s all about farming and giving food to third-world countries to try and eradicate hunger, because apparently he knows what it’s like to be profoundly hungry.

DING DING DING! CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! Sort of. He doesn’t go into any more details. I guess this is supposed to help prolong the mystery of it all? I don’t know. I guess that explains Christian’s weird thing about food a little bit.

Later, Ana goes up to get her diploma, and she shakes hands with Christian, who asks if there’s a problem with her computer. She says no, and he says “Then you are ignoring my emails?” and she says “I only saw the mergers and acquisitions one.”

Ana is really hung up on this whole “comparing herself and this agreement to a business transaction” thing.

Christian says “Later,” because Ana is holding up the line, and Ana sits down.

Then, later, after the ceremony is over, Kate comes and tells Ana that Christian wants to see her.

GOD CAN SOMETHING PLEASE JUST HAPPEN IN THIS CHAPTER ALREADY.

Ana goes and finds Christian, who steers her into what looks like a men’s locker room.

jon stewart judging

….If that doesn’t sound like the beginning of a murder, I don’t know what does.

 

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