Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 14 [part 2]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

Christian starts getting all mad at Ana because she didn’t respond to his email, and it turns out that he was worried about her because she went home in “that deathtrap you call a car” and he’s all hung up on Ana being safe.

“Anastasia, I need an answer from you. This waiting around is driving me crazy.”
“Christian, I…look, I’ve left my stepdad on his own.”
“Tomorrow. I want an answer by tomorrow.”
“Okay. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you then.” I blink at him.

Well, I guess tomorrow will be interesting.

Then Christian says he wants to meet Ana’s step-dad?

I thought Christian didn’t “do” relationships?

What.

And Ana is all weird about that, which I think is understandable, but I guess Christian doesn’t understand it.

“Are you ashamed of me?”
“No!” It’s my turn to sound exasperated. “Introduce you to my dad as what? ‘This is the man who deflowered me and wants us to start a BDSM relationship’. You’re not wearing running shoes.”

I would pay money to see Ana’s step-dad beat up Christian. That would be AWESOME.

“Just so you know, I can run quite fast. Just tell him I’m your friend, Anastasia.”

Yeah, great plan, Christian. Ana’s step-dad TOTALLY won’t notice you and his step-daughter eyefucking the shit out of each other during the whole conversation.

Ana goes to find Ray, and on the way back they run into Kate’s older brother, Ethan, who apparently is gorgeous  and sexy and amazing because THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE UNATTRACTIVE PERSON IN THIS WHOLE BOOK. EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL. And that’s fine, except they’re all TRADITIONALLY attractive. Every person is beautiful, but not everyone conforms to society’s beauty norms the way the characters in this stupid book do. Ugh I hate this so much.

And then Kate comes up.

“Hello, Ray,” Kate kisses Ray on both cheeks, making him blush. “Have you met Ana’s boyfriend? Christian Grey.”

mulan disbelief

OH SHIT

SHIT JUST GOT REEEEEEAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

“Mr. Steele, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Christian says smoothly, warmly, completely unflustered by Kate’s introduction. He holds out his hand, which, all credit to Ray, Ray takes, not showing a hint of the drop-dead surprise he’s just had thrust upon him.

Oh that’s no fun. I wanted a fight. Boo.

Christian looks all mad at Ethan because Ethan hugged Ana (“HOW DARE ANOTHER BOY TOUCH MY PROPERTY”). But then Kate drags Ethan away, leaving Christian and Ana alone with Ray.

And, of course, since this is Magic Christmas Land where everything goes Ana’s way, Christian is charming and perfect and Ray LOVES him, and they start discussing fishing, and are getting along so well that Ana leaves to go find Kate.

Kate is convinced she did Ana a favor, saying she helped Ana with Christian’s “commitment issues”. Because, apparently, the way to help someone with commitment issues is to force them into commitment. What a good idea, Kate.

Ana goes back to Christian and Ray, and Ray leaves to go use the bathroom.

“You look lovely, Anastasia. This halter-neck dress suits you, and I get to stroke your back, feel your beautiful skin.”

that's gross

Once again, Christian reminds us that he is a creepy psycho killer that wants to cut off Ana’s skin and wear it as a suit.

“You know it’s going to be good, don’t you, baby?” he whispers. I close my eyes as my insides uncoil and melt.
“But I want more,” I whisper.
“More?” He looks down at me puzzled, his eyes darkening. I nod and swallow. Now he knows.
[…]
“You want hearts and flowers.”
I nod again. He blinks down at me, and I watch his internal struggle played out in his eyes.
“Anastasia.” His voice is soft. “It’s not something I know.”

What, so you can’t even try it? Is it really that hard to give someone a hug every now and again, to sleep in the same bed as them?

If it IS that hard, then you need to be seeing a psychiatrist, dude.

“Okay,” I whisper.
“What?” I have his full, undivided attention. I swallow.
“Okay. I’ll try.”
“You’re agreeing?” His disbelief is evident.
“Subject to the soft limits, yes. I’ll try.”

face palm startrek

BUT YOU JUST…

I DON’T…

WHAT.

YOU SAID YOU DON’T LIKE PAIN.

YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T THINK YOU COULD HANDLE ANY OF IT.

YOU’RE SCARED OF HIM, AND INTIMIDATED, AND WITH GOOD REASON.

HE USES SEX AS A WEAPON, HE’S HAVING YOU SIGN A BULLSHIT CONTRACT, HE THINKS BDSM IS ONLY FOR HIS PLEASURE AND BENEFIT…

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU AGREEING TO THIS.

UUUGHHHHHHH.

Then Christian has to go, so he says goodbye to Ray and Ana.

“It’s been great to meet you, sir.”
“Likewise,” Ray responds. “Look after my baby girl.”
“Oh, I fully intend to, Mr. Steele.”
They shake hands. I feel sick. Ray has no idea how Christian intends to look after me.

YOU JUST AGREED TO BE THIS MAN’S SUBMISSIVE, AND YOU FEEL SICK WHEN HE SHAKES YOUR DAD’S HAND?

PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE ELSE RECOGNIZES THAT THAT IS FUCKED UP.

PLEASE.

Ana gets home and says a tearful goodbye to Ray (she’s just a bucket-o-tears these days). When she checks her email, she finds more messages from Christian, saying he’s happy to discuss the soft limits at any time.

Ana says she could come over tonight to discuss them.

Christian responds:

I’ll come to you. I meant it when I said I wasn’t happy about you driving that car. I’ll be with you shortly.

How much you want to bet he was just waiting across the street in some bushes, watching her?

Then Ana gets the books that Christian gave her together because she wants to give them back to him because she has a problem accepting gifts.

After wrapping the books up in brown paper, she writes a quote from one of the books, Tess of the d’Urbervilles, on the back:

“I agree to the conditions, Angel; because you know best what my punishment ought to be; only – only- don’t make it more than I can bear!”

stop

God why do you have to make everything so stupidly dramatic?

Also, fun fact, that quote is written in a really stupid font because everything about this book is fucking stupid.

-End of Chapter Fourteen-

Only two parts to this one! I skipped over a TON of stuff, because it was mostly just really, really boring, and not much to report on. I guess that’s a pretty faithful interpretation of a graduation ceremony, too.

Time to see how fucked up their relationship is now that she’s his submissive!

HURRAY!

By Hurray, I mean Kill Me.

See you Monday!

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