Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 16 [part 2]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

So after Christian basically demands that Ana go on some form of birth control without even asking how she feels about that, Christian asks if Ana has a doctor, which she apparently doesn’t, so now Christian’s doctor is going to come give her a check-up at Christian’s apartment?

Is that really what happens when you’re rich? I’m jealous.

Christian says he’s leaving, that his head of security/butler/personal assistant/whatever, Taylor, will pick him up. Ana offers to drive him in her new car, but Christian says that Ana has had too much to drink and therefore shouldn’t drive.

“Did you get me tipsy on purpose?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because you over-think everything, and you’re reticent like your stepdad. A drop of wine in you and you start talking, and I need you to communicate honestly with me.”

how about no

Okay, I agree that you guys need to be able to communicate honestly with each other in this relationship (in fact, honest communication should be necessary in ANY relationship, but especially in BDSM relationships where limits are being pushed)…but if you need to get Ana drunk in order to communicate honestly, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T BE DOING THIS.

You need honest communication AT ALL TIMES.

And I’m not really sure that her being drunk counts as her “honestly communicating” with you.

Being drunk impairs your judgment. And as much as I’ve heard the phrase “drunk words are sober thoughts,” I don’t think that makes it okay to GET SOMEONE DRUNK in order to get them to communicate with you.

If she only communicates with you when she’s drunk, MAYBE THAT MEANS SHE DOESN’T TRUST YOU.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE UP, CHRISTIAN.

There’s so much wrong with this that I don’t even know what to say anymore.

Then Christian goes back to talking about how he’s going to leave, and how he’ll see her on Sunday and how he’d really like to “play” with her then but first she has to sign the contract. So Ana figures out that she can draw this whole thing out by not signing the contract, but Christian says he doesn’t know if he’d be able to handle that, and then (sort-of) playfully says he’d have to kidnap her.

“Hold me against my will?” Jeez, this is hot.
“Oh yes,” he nods. “And then we’re talking TPE 24/7.”
“You’ve lost me,” I breathe, my heart is pounding…is he serious?
“Total Power Exchange – round the clock.” His eyes are shining, and I can feel his excitement from where I sit.
Holy shit.
“So you have no choice,” he says sardonically.

Christian Grey: Saying threatening and often rape-y things and yet still seducing women since 2011.

Am I the only one who finds what he just said INSANELY CREEPY?

I guess not, considering how many women in this country are batshit insane over him.

Ugh. He’s so awful.

But after he says that, Ana rolls her eyes, and the last time she rolled her eyes, Christian said he’d spank her if she ever did it again.

WELP.

“I haven’t signed,” I whisper.
“I told you what I’d do. I’m a man of my word. I’m going to spank you, and then I’m going to fuck you very quick and very hard. Looks like we’ll need that condom after all.”

Oh, this should end well.

Tentatively, I uncurl my legs. Should I run?

YES. YES YOU SHOULD, ANA.

PLEASE. PLEASE LEAVE.

Of course, she doesn’t leave. She hands him the condom, stands up, and he literally bends her over his lap.

“Why am I doing this, Anastasia?” he asks.
“Because I rolled my eyes at you,” I can barely speak.
“Do you think that’s polite?”
“No.”
“Will you do it again?”
“No.”
“I will spank you each time you do it, do you understand?”

I can almost guarantee that she’ll roll her eyes at him again sometime before the end of this book. Probably sometime in the next 5 chapters. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did it again by the end of this chapter.

Shit, is this going to hurt?

seriously black widow

Seriously? Seriously.

“Is this going to hurt?”

THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT.

So then he spanks her and Ana doesn’t cry, but it hurts a lot, and E.L. James spends a whole bunch of time describing how it hurts and what it feels like, which is fine, that’s actually a good choice as an author, but it was just really boring and none of it was worth quoting. Just be aware that it apparently hurts a lot to get spanked. WHO KNEW.

It hurts enough to cause Ana to cry out, to which Christian replies: “No one to hear you, baby, just me.”

WOW THAT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE SOMETHING A MURDERER WOULD SAY.

RIGHT BEFORE THEY MURDER SOMEONE.

So Christian spanks Ana a couple more times, and then he says he’s going to fuck her.

“I’m going to take you now. You can come,” he murmurs.

How…generous…of you?

And then they have sex for literally like 2 seconds and they both come at the same time like always.

Boy…I survived. That wasn’t so bad.

blinking

It was spanking, not torture. Jesus. It’s not that big of a deal.

“Well done, baby,” he whispers, quiet joy in his voice. His words curl around me like a soft fluffy towel…

what.

this is crap

That is literally the worst metaphor I have ever read in my entire life.

So then Christian gets up to go to the bathroom, and Ana begins to get dressed while she ruminates on how she feels good after that, and these ruminations take up like 2 pages on my iphone, which is super tedious and boring (as is 98% of this book).

Christian comes back with some baby oil he found in the bathroom that he wants to rub on Ana’s butt to make it feel better I guess.

I stand facing the bed. Sitting beside me, he gently pulls my sweatpants down again. Up and down like whores’ drawers, my subconscious remarks bitterly.

Fun fact: your subconscious is a bitch.

And then Christian leaves (apparently his ride has been outside waiting for him…awkward), and Ana feels sad.

Goddddd when will this chapter enddddd.

 

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