Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 16 [part 3]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

After Christian leaves, Ana wants to cry again, but “the irony is I can’t even sit down and enjoy a good cry.”

Seriously? HE SPANKED YOU. GET OVER YOURSELF. IT WASN’T SOME HARROWING EXPERIENCE. HE SPANKED YOU AND THEN MADE YOU FEEL REALLY AWESOME A FEW SECONDS AFTERWARDS. NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.

If you complain this much about a spanking, god help you when you get to the harder stuff he has in mind.

So she calls her mom to have someone to talk to, and her mom immediately knows something is wrong.

“Oh, Mom, it’s a man.”
“What’s he done to you?” Her alarm is palpable.
“It’s not like that.” Although it is… Oh crap. I don’t want to worry her.

SHE SHOULD BE WORRIED BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO MURDER YOU SOMETIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

“I’ve kind of fallen for this guy and he’s so different from me, and I don’t know if we should be together.”
“Oh, darling. I wish I could be with you. I am so sorry I missed your graduation. You’ve fallen for someone, finally. Oh, honey, men, they are so tricky. They’re a different species, honey.”

Except…um…they’re not? They have thoughts, feelings, emotions, motivations, etc etc, just like women do? And telling Ana that they’re a “different species” does LITERALLY NOTHING to solve her issues, but whatever. Good job, mom, way to go.

Her mom tells Ana to give it some time so she can figure out if Christian is “worthy” of her.

Is he worthy of me? That’s an interesting concept. I always wonder whether I am worthy of him.

Sometime’s Ana’s complete lack of self confidence makes me feel really, really sad because I know how that feels and I know how hard it is to constantly think so poorly of yourself.

Of course, as a veteran of self-confidence-issues, I ALSO know that it can get you in some less-than-stellar relationships simply because you don’t think you deserve anything better. Granted, my less-than-stellar relationships were just with jerks, while Ana’s is with a creepy stalker/potential serial killer/control freak, so I guess Ana wins this one.

Ana’s mom invites her to come visit her in Georgia, and Ana thinks that sounds nice, but doesn’t say she’ll go. They hang up the phone just as Kate comes home. Kate immediately notices Ana has been crying.

“Just tell him to take a hike, Ana. You’ve been so up and down since you met him. I’ve never seen you like this.”

Generally, if your best friend in the whole world is telling you that you’ve changed and you seem super mega ultra unhappy in a new relationship, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER LEAVING THE RELATIONSHIP.

And then Kate says to sit down so they can talk, and Ana is all worried about sitting because she thinks it’ll hurt. Kate notices Ana’s apprehension, and Ana comes up with possibly the stupidest excuse ever:

“I fell over and landed on my behind.”

what selena

Ughhh Ana why are you so DUMB.

But apparently Kate is just as dumb, because she doesn’t question it because I guess Ana is just known for being clumsy, even though there’s only been one incident of clumsiness in the past 16 chapters. Pretty sure if you’re actually clumsy you do clumsy things ALL THE TIME, not just when it’s convenient for the plot, but whatever.

They start talking, of course Ana steers the conversation away from anything meaningful. They decide to call it a night and retire to their respective bedrooms (boo, no sexy lady times).

Ana gets to her room and checks her email, and (of course) she finds an email from Christian, telling her how awesome she is.

I literally could not roll my eyes harder at all these emails. Ugh.

Christian also tells Ana she’s not allowed to drive her old car anymore, which Ana takes offense to, and then they get into a flirty argument again because that’s literally the only conversation they ever have.

This is seriously the relationship from hell. They don’t have any actual conversations, Ana is literally scared of him…I could go on for days about why they’re awful together.

Ana emails Christian saying something about how she doesn’t like him very much right now, and he emails back asking why, and she replies “Because you never stay with me.”

That’s her last email to him, and I’m assuming it’ll be important somehow, which is the only reason I include it, because frankly the whole email exchange was pretty boring and useless and I wish E.L. James would just put all of this information in actual DIALOGUE instead of emails back and forth, but whatever. This over-use of email seems like one hell of a crutch, like she’s scared of writing actual dialogue or something, but whatever. I just don’t like it. And it’s boring as hell.

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