Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 17 [part 1]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

I’m back! And I’m going to write these now at 11:30 AM and schedule them to post tonight so I don’t have to worry about them during the Hawks game! Look at me being responsible.


RECAP: After having sex, Ana and Christian start talking a little bit. We learn that Christian’s childhood was fucked up and he’s still dealing with it (poorly, I might add). We also learn that Christian is a giant bucket of dirty diapers when he basically demands that Ana go on birth control because he doesn’t like wearing condoms (he doesn’t even ask her if that’s okay, he just says welp I don’t like condoms sooo you go on the pill). Also Christian apparently PURPOSELY GOT ANA DRUNK BECAUSE SHE’S NOT “HONEST” WHEN SHE’S SOBER and he needed her to be honest with him about her pain tolerance, which is ridiculous. Christian makes some rape-y comments (basically everything he says is rape-y) and Ana thinks that it’s “sexy”. Then Ana rolls her eyes and Christian and he spanks her, and it feels really awful but then he has sex with her and it’s amazing as always, but Ana is still confused about the spanking. Christian leaves. Ana is all emotionally unstable. She calls her mom (who isn’t helpful at all really). Kate comes home and basically tells Ana to dump Christian (A+ advice). Ana goes to bed and cries, but then she hears Kate arguing with someone and telling someone not to come in, but then GUESS WHO JUST BARGES IN WITHOUT PERMISSION! It’s Christian. Who got a sad email from Ana and instead of CALLING TO ASK IF SHE’S OKAY, he just comes over and breaks in against Kate’s wishes, which is for sure not okay. They talk about the spanking and Christian tells Ana that she liked it just because she was wet afterwards (which is just not how that works but okay). Then Christian says he’s spending the night and they fall asleep together.

God that chapter was so annoying.

I bet this one will be even worse!

-Chapter Seventeen-

The chapter starts off with a really stupid, annoying, and useless dream where Ana is either supposed to be a moth being drawn to a flame, or she’s supposed to be Icarus (the dude who steals his father’s wax/paper wings and flies too close to the sun).

I get it, Christian is the flame/sun, and Ana is the stupid creature who gets caught up in it and ends up dying. You don’t need to tell me this in a dream, I already knew this. I’m not stupid.

Ana wakes up wrapped up in Christian, and we get like 5 sentences of description about how they’re laying and I don’t care about any of it.

Ana is super shocked that Christian is still there in her bed with her, while I am super shocked that he didn’t murder her in her sleep.

Ana touches Christian and he makes a distressed sound in his sleep and then wakes up. We then learn that he has a boner, which I guess isn’t related to the distressed sound, or maybe it is, I have no idea.

“Hmm…this has possibilities, but I think we should wait until Sunday.” He leans down and nuzzles my ear with his nose.
I flush, but then I feel seven shades of scarlet from his heat.

That sentence doesn’t even make sense? “I flush, but I also flush.” What does that even mean. Why did you have to use the “seven shades of scarlet” bullshit? WHY IS EVERYTHING IN SHADES IN THIS BOOK.


They realize it’s 7:30, meaning Christian is late for work (why didn’t you set an alarm, genius), so he gets ready to leave.

“Sunday,” he says, and the word is pregnant with an unspoken promise.

Pregnant? Really. That’s the word you use. In this ridiculously sexually charged book, you go with the word “pregnant.”

Poor word choice, my friend. I guess you were going for a theme of some kind, but you failed. Pregnant is just a weird word to use there.

Christian leaves, and Ana then sends him an email, because she can’t go two fucking seconds without sending him a goddamned email.

Dear Mr. Grey

You wanted to know why I felt confused after you – which euphemism should we apply – spanked, punished, beat, assaulted me. Well, during the whole alarming process I felt demeaned, debased, and abused. And much to my mortification, you’re right, I was aroused, and that was unexpected.

face palm startrek

If you felt demeaned and abused, MAYBE this lifestyle isn’t for you. Maybe Christian shouldn’t be pressuring you to be something/someone you’re not. Maybe you should DUMP HIS ASS BECAUSE HE IS BAD NEWS.

If you feel “abused” during sex, maybe that person isn’t right for you.

I get it, Ana, you’re inexperienced in sex, so you don’t know what’s going on. But you shouldn’t be with someone who pressures you into doing things you’re not comfortable with and doesn’t really listen when you tell him you’re not comfortable with things.

This whole thing just seems like another “Fix This Girl” scenario. Like all those movies and stories where a girl is “wrong” in some way, maybe she’s too nerdy/artsy, maybe she’s got an abrasive personality, or maybe she’s not really into BDSM, this story seems to be trying to tell us that Ana needs to be “fixed,” like she’s not good enough the way she is, like she’s just a silly woman who doesn’t know things and needs a man to put her right.


All the women in those stories are fine the way they are, and they should find a man who appreciates the way they are instead of going for the guy who feels the need to change them.

You shouldn’t need to change for your partner. They should love you the way you are. Maybe you have some annoying habits, you can change those for them, but they shouldn’t ask you to fundamentally change who you are or what you like just to please them. That is very, very silly and wrong.


What really worried me was how I felt afterwards. And that’s more difficult to articulate. I was happy that you were happy.



Ana just always feels the need to make all these sacrifices for Christian and it’s really, really dumb.


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