Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 19 [part 1]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

I went to the Hawks parade today!

And now I’m going to do my best to get some liveblogs out even though I’m super tired and I’m also going out to a bar with some friends in like…an hour.

SO LET’S KICK THIS INTO HYPER DRIVE.

RECAP: Christian has a Gynecologist come to his apartment to see Ana so she can get birth control. Ana decides on just the regular pill, which you have to take every day at the same time. Christian doubts she can remember to do this (and frankly, so do I). Ana and Christian go have sex in his creepy murder room, all while Christian keeps saying and doing creepy murderish things and Ana keeps thinking “omg he wants to hurt me…what should I do?!” (hint: you should run, Ana). After some relatively kinky sex involving restraints and a riding crop, Ana has like 3 orgasms and basically passes out in Christian’s arms. Christian puts her to bed like a 3 year old, tucking her in and even kissing her goodnight.

ONTO CHAPTER 19.

-Chapter Nineteen-

Christian wakes Ana up (not sure how long she slept? Apparently it’s dusk now. I guess it’s the same day? I have no idea) because they need to get ready to have dinner with his parents. Ana wants to go back to sleep, but Christian says if she does she’ll “be in trouble,” which probably means he’ll beat her, except she hasn’t signed his dumb contract yet? I don’t know, I guess the contract is out the window or something.

Ana gets up, very nervous about meeting Christian’s parents (even though she already met his mom, and Kate will be there too apparently, so I’m not sure why she’s so worried), and starts to get dressed, only she notices that her underwear is gone. Apparently Christian never gave it back after he stole it and put it in his pocket during their kinky sexy times.

I realize he’s done this on purpose. He wants me to be embarrassed and ask for my panties back, and he’ll either say yes or no. My inner goddess grins at me. Hell…two can play that particular game. Resolving there and then not to ask him for them and not give him that satisfaction, I shall go meet his parents sans culottes.

………

Meetings with parents are not the time to play weird sexual mind games with your partner?

Also I personally hate not wearing underwear, and I don’t know how people go “commando” without being really uncomfortable, but again, that’s just me.

Ana finishes getting ready (in under 15 minutes? Damn) and goes down to meet Christian.

“Hi,” he says, “How are you feeling?” His eyes are alight with amusement.
“Good, thanks. You?”
“I feel mighty fine, Miss Steele.”

STOP.

STOP WITH THE “MIGHTY FINE” BULLSHIT.

NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT.

NO ONE SAYS THAT.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE “MIGHTY FINE” HAPPEN.

They start…dancing? Even though they should be going to go meet his parents for dinner? But I guess Frank Sinatra is on so you have to dance or something.

They dance, and Christian is apparently perfect at it, and since he is perfect at it, Ana is also now perfect at it, which makes total sense, because dancing is totally something that’s really easy like that and definitely doesn’t take years upon years to fully master.

Also…isn’t Ana supposed to be clumsy?

Oh, wait, I forgot, Ana is only clumsy when it’s convenient for the plot. Because that’s definitely how character flaws work.

sarcasm sherlock

“Do you have everything you need?”
“Oh, yes,” I respond sweetly.
“Are you sure?”
I nod as nonchalantly as I can manage under his intense, amused scrutiny. His face splits into a huge grin, and he shakes his head.
“Okay. If that’s the way you want to play it, Miss Steele.”

I swear to god, if he tries to touch her vagina at the dinner table I will be SO MAD and also COMPLETELY GROSSED OUT BECAUSE THAT IS SUPER, SUPER WEIRD.

Ana begins having second thoughts about her evil plan.

In the relative safety of his apartment, it seemed like a fun, teasing idea. Now, I’m almost outside with No Panties!

I don’t know why but the No Panties! part made me laugh a whole lot.

No! Panties!

FOR SHAME.

Christian shakes his head slightly as if to clear his thoughts and gestures for me to exit before him in a most gentlemanly manner. Who’s he kidding? He’s no gentleman. He has my panties.

NOT THE PANTIES. ANYTHING BUT THE PANTIES. OH THE HUMANITY.

She’s talking about her panties like he’s holding them ransom, like they’re her children or something.

I don’t know, I’m a little delirious, but all this talk of panties is making me giggle uncontrollably.

They get in the car and Christian is being all weird and brooding (which, really, when is he not?), so Ana tries to break the ice by asking him where he learned to dance.

Apparently he learned to dance from Mrs. Robinson, the older woman who was his Dominant from the age of 16 until the age of like 21 or something.

At the mention of Mrs. Robinson, Ana launches into some brooding of her own, and we get several pages of her useless thoughts, because she is the most boring human being on the planet.

I realize, in that moment, that I hate [Mrs. Robinson]. I hope that I never meet her because I will not be responsible for my actions if I do. I can’t remember ever feeling this passionately about anyone, especially someone I’ve never met.

See, now I’m torn, because on the one hand, I think Ana is being ridiculous because she has almost no basis for hating this woman, and by all accounts she helped Christian a lot and was good to him.

But…on the other hand…Mrs. Robinson DID pretty much sexually abuse Christian, because a 16 year old is very young, probably too young to give informed consent in a sexual situation like that. So that’s probably basis to hate her.

Basically I just hate everyone in this book, and I don’t want to agree with Ana on anything because she’s an idiot.

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