Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 20 [part 1]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

Oh man, you guys.

Chapter 20.

After this, only 6 more.

SIX. MORE.

And then it’s on to the next book, which will probably be 1,200 times as infuriating as this one, but still.

SIX.

MORE.

CRAZY.

RECAP: Ana wakes up after sexy-sex times and her and Christian have to get ready to go meet his family for dinner. Ana starts getting dressed, but realizes Christian still has her panties. Instead of asking for them back (and Christian probably saying no), she decides to just go without underwear (because apparently, even though she’s staying over at his place, she didn’t bring a change of clothes). They do some weird flirty stuff like dancing to Frank Sinatra in his living room, and then leave to meet his parents. Kate is at this dinner party too, since she’s dating Elliot (Christian’s adoptive brother). Kate and Christian are very cold towards each other (not surprising). Ana lets it slip that she’s leaving for Georgia tomorrow, which she didn’t tell Christian, and Christian is (sort of understandably) pissed off. Then Kate mentions that Ana went out for drinks with José, and Christian gets even more pissed off. After dinner, Christian says he wants to take Ana on a tour of the backyard, and once outside he picks her up, throws her over his shoulder, and carries her off to the Boathouse to murder spank her and fuck her.

-Chapter Twenty-

They get to the boathouse, which is apparently really nice (which isn’t a surprise because every single person in Christian’s family is fucking loaded), and then Christian carries Ana up to some other attic room with couches and stuff?

“Please don’t hit me,” I whisper, pleading.
His brow furrows, his eyes widening. He blinks twice.
“I don’t want you to spank me, not here, not now. Please don’t.”

If he still spanks her after this I will personally murder everyone involved in the making of this book.

Ana then reaches up and touches his face and runs her hands through his hair and then starts kissing him.

“What are you doing to me?” he whispers confused.
“Kissing you.”
“You said no.”
“What?” No to what?
“At the dinner table, with your legs.”

Oh, in case you forgot, this is what he’s referring to, from last chapter:

He places his hand on my knee – his fingers traveling up my thigh. My whole body tightens in response. No…not here, not now. I flush and shift, trying to pull away from him. His hand clamps down on my thigh, stilling me.

I don’t understand. If that was her saying no, then why was he all ready to spank her and fuck her? She’d already said no according to him.

What the fuck.

“But we were at your parents’ dining table.” I stare up at him, completely bewildered.
“No one’s ever said no to me before. And it’s so – hot.”

Something tells me that at some point someone probably said no to you, Christian, you just didn’t listen.

In fact Ana has said no to you several times.

But I guess this is the first no you’ve listened to, so I guess it’s a big deal.

God I hate Christian Grey so much.

“You’re mad and turned on because I said no?” I breathe, astonished.
“I’m mad because you never mentioned Georgia to me. I’m mad because you went drinking with that guy who tried to seduce you when you were drunk and who left you when you were ill with an almost complete stranger. What kind of friend does that? And I’m mad and aroused because you closed your legs on me.” His eyes glitter dangerously, and he’s slowly inching up the hem of my dress.

Let’s go through this one by one.

1. About Georgia. Yes, that is shitty that she didn’t even mention it to you, but you have no right to tell her not to go, and maybe if the two of you had any ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS OR ACTUALLY COMMUNICATED IN ANY WAY ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN SEX, maybe she would have told you about it. You’re right to be mad, but you can’t punish her for that.

2. The José thing. For once, I completely agree with Christian. Seriously, what kind of friend does that? The bad kind. The kind you shouldn’t be friends with anymore. And “seduce” is an awfully nice word for what he did to Ana. I prefer “assault”.

3. What the fuck. “I’m mad and aroused because you closed your legs on me?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME. “YOU DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME AND SO NOW I’M MAD! *POUTY FACE*”

Seriously, Christian? SERIOUSLY. You already had sex with her twice today. You are a petulant little child and you need to grow the fuck up because you’re TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD, AND YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT WHEN SOMEONE SAYS NO TO YOU WITHOUT THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM.

AHS flip off Lana

“I want you, and I want you now. And if you’re not going to let me spank you – which you deserve – I’m going to fuck you on the couch this minute, quickly, for my pleasure, not yours.”

UM.

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY.

She doesn’t “deserve” spanking, she did some things you weren’t happy about, which means she deserves to HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU ABOUT HOW YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD FUNCTION AND WHAT THINGS ARE AND ARE NOT OKAY.

You want to spank her because you’re throwing a temper tantrum. That’s not the same thing as “deserving” it.

AND ALSO.

YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.

I’m glad you won’t spank her because she said no, but having sex with her for your pleasure alone is…pretty shitty. You’re using her like a glorified sex toy, which is decidedly not okay, and if I were Ana I would slap you so hard you wouldn’t be able to see straight for a month.

Of course, if I were Ana I would have dumped his ass a month ago and gotten together with Kate’s bomb-ass brother, Ethan……..or Kate herself.

He takes out a foil packet, gazing down at me, his expression dark, before shrugging off his jacket so it falls to the floor. He rolls the condom down over his impressive length.

this is crap

“Impressive length.”

I wonder what Ana is comparing this to. She doesn’t watch porn. She’s never seen any other penises.

So, in reality, his “impressive length” could be like, 4 inches long.

Or maybe it really is impressive, and it’s like 10 inches long, which is longer than my forearm, and also would HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER because vaginas are usually not 10 inches deep, and a 10 inch dick sounds like a whole lot of getting dick-punched in the cervix (which is not a fun time)

 

 

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One thought on “Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 20 [part 1]

  1. First I found it amusing and now I find it annoying that every man in every romance every written at any time in history has a large penis.

    I mean, come on.

    To rectify my annoyance, I don’t read romances any more.

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