Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 20 [part 4]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

He stares down at me, but as he does, his expression changes, confusion washes over him and the atmosphere in the room shifts abruptly, tensing. “Don’t you want to fuck?” he asks.

I love how he asks that like he can’t possibly fathom why anyone would choose not to have sex with him.

“No,” I breathe.
“Oh.” He frowns.
Okay, here goes…deep breath.
“I want you to make love to me.”

Eugh. I hate that term. “Make love.” I don’t know why, it just always sounds so cheesy and silly to me. Sex can be very romantic, of course, but for whatever reason I just hate that phrase.

“I thought we did?” he says eventually.
“I want to touch you.”


[sorry, I had to.]

“Oh, no Miss Steele, you’ve had enough concessions from me this evening. And I’m saying no.”
Oh…I can’t argue with that…can I?

No, no you can’t, because consent goes both ways, and if he tells you no, then you do not touch him, because that’s how it works. You can’t argue with that, and if you try, you are also an asshole.

“Look, you’re tired, I’m tired. Let’s just go to bed,” he says, watching me carefully.
“So touching is a hard limit for you?”
“Yes. This is old news.”
“Please tell me why.”
“Oh, Anastasia, please. Just drop it for now,” he mutters exasperated.
“It’s important to me.”

Okay, we get it, Ana, we want to know just as much as you do, but when someone who’s suffered as much as Christian obviously has, you can’t push that person to tell you about their problems. He’ll tell you when he’s ready. Until then just accept it and try and be there for him as much as you can.

…also if you push him too much he’ll probably rape and/or murder you. So. Don’t do that.

Christian tells Ana to put one of his t-shirts on for pajamas (he says this “irritably,” in case you’re wondering.)

“I need the bathroom.” My voice is a whisper.
He frowns, bemused.

Jeez, Ana, you don’t need to ask his permission.

…which is literally the next thing he says to her.

[oh god me and Christian just had the same thought process. OH GOD NO.]

They brush their teeth and then get into bed.

“Imagine if I said to you that you couldn’t touch me.”
He clambers onto the bed and sits cross-legged.
“Anastasia, I’ve told you. Fifty shades. I had a rough start in life – you don’t want that shit in your head. Why would you?”


And then Ana tries to negotiate, telling him that he can spank her if he tells her why he doesn’t like to be touched.

Seriously, Ana, drop it. He’ll tell you when he’s ready, and he’s clearly not ready. What is wrong with you. Him not telling you isn’t a personal slight, it’s him trying to preserve what little sanity he has because he clearly has gone through a lot.

Leave. Him. Alone.

Except then Christian decides to maybe accept this offer? Idk he goes all Dominant on her all of a sudden and tells her to get off the bed and stand next to it.

He goes and gets something.

Something which turns out to be two silver balls…?

“I am going to put these inside you, and then I’m going to spank you, not for punishment, but for your pleasure and mine.”


“Then we’ll fuck, and if you’re still awake, I’ll impart some information about my formative years. Agreed?”
He’s asking my permission!

really adam levine

Why are you so excited that he’s asking your permission?


So then he puts the balls in and they feel weird, and then he asks her to go get him a glass of water for…um…reasons?

I don’t know.

But she does, and when she reaches for a glass I guess the balls shift and she literally gasps because I guess it feels really good.

I may have to keep these. They make me needy, needy for sex.

That might be the stupidest line I’ve ever heard in any book ever.

She returns with his water, and he already has a condom out and waiting, and then he makes her ask him to spank her.

So he spanks her and it feels amazing, because everything Christian does feels amazing, he could fucking breathe at her and she’d lose her shit over it.

Then Christian pulls the balls out and they have sex and they both orgasm super fast and then he insists on rubbing lotion on her ass, even though he didn’t spank her that hard, but whatever.

Then Ana starts demanding information, because she can’t leave it the fuck alone.

But Christian decides to uphold his end of the bargain.

“The woman who brought me into this world was a crack whore, Anastasia. Go to sleep.”

spit take SNL


“She’s dead.”
“How long?”
He sighs.
“She died when I was four. I don’t really remember her. Carrick has given me some details. I only remember certain things. Please go to sleep.”

And then she just goes to sleep.

-End of Chapter Twenty-

What the fuck.

That was a huge plot-bomb to drop on us almost out of nowhere, jesus.

And then E.L. James robbed us of what could be some really valuable and interesting moments between Ana and Christian. I want to know how Ana feels about this information, how Christian looks as he delivers it, what his body language is, what his voice sounds like, what’s going through Ana’s head?

I want to know how they fall asleep together. Are they touching? How are their bodies positioned? Is he holding her, or does he turn the other way?

This is such a perfect moment for character development, for us to learn more about their relationship and how they interact and what their fates might be in the future. And we don’t get any of that.

Instead of giving us all that information, all that imagery which could have been gorgeous, E.L. James just…has her characters go to sleep.

What a wasted opportunity.

See you Wednesday!



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