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RECAP: Christian and Ana are at Christian’s parents house, and Ana pisses Christian off so he takes her out to the boathouse to spank her and then fuck her. Once out there, Ana begs him not to spank her, and then starts kissing him, which confuses the fuck out of him because apparently she said “no” to him earlier by not letting him touch her vagina at the goddamned dinner table, which didn’t matter when he was going to spank her and fuck her, but now that she’s kissing him it matters? Apparently Ana is the first person to say no to Christian (or the first person who’s done that who he’s actually listened to) and it turns Christian on. He then decides he’s going to have sex with Ana for his pleasure, not hers, which is shitty. So they have sex and he doesn’t allow Ana to orgasm because he’s really petty and a horrible person. They leave Christian’s parents house, and in the car they sort of communicate about their feelings and Christian asks to come to Georgia with Ana to meet Ana’s mom. She says no because she needs time to think. They then discuss more feelings and Christian says he’ll try to do more romantic shit for Ana because he likes her so much he wants to fundamentally change who he is and how he acts and what he likes all for her (which is totally reasonable and how all healthy, normal relationships work). They get back to the house and decide to have sex (because that’s all they ever do). Christian puts metal balls up Ana’s vagina and spanks her and apparently it feels amazing and then they have sex and then Ana gets Christian to tell her a little about his past, even though he’s obviously very upset by it and doesn’t want to talk about it.
And the bombshell that gets dropped at the end of the chapter is: Christian’s birth mother was a crack-whore. And now she’s dead.
Ana wakes up alone in the bed and goes to find Christian. On the way to find him, she runs into his housekeeper, Mrs. Jones, an elegant, middle-aged blonde woman, because apparently only blondes work for Christian Grey, which sounds an awful lot like some kind of fetish.
Ana finds Christian in his study, on the phone talking about business junk that I don’t understand. There’s a whole long paragraph of it, so you’d think it would somehow be important, but it just sounds like gibberish and I’m 99% sure it won’t become important in the future.
Christian finally notices Ana and he tells the person on the phone that he’ll need an extra ticket to some event because he’s going to bring Ana, even though he didn’t really ask Ana, he just asked when she’d be back from Georgia.
Oh jesus christ, then they decide to have sex on his desk in his office.
For the love of god, CAN’T YOU TWO DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN HAVE SEX.
Also they have really loud sex and I REALLY hope Mrs. Jones couldn’t hear them. That’s awkward.
“What the hell are you doing to me?” he breathes as he nuzzles my neck. “You completely beguile me, Ana. You weave some powerful magic.”
Um. I don’t understand. What is she doing to you? All you did was have sex.
Although I guess it was “vanilla” sex, and not in the creepy murder room, so maybe that’s what he’s referring to.
“Are you sore?” he asks, leaning over me.
“A little,” I confess.
“I like you sore.” His eyes smolder. “Reminds you where I’ve been, and only me.”
She’s a human being, not a goddamned conquest. You gonna stick a flag on her and claim her in the name of your dick?
They start to talk, and Christian gets kind of moody and basically tells Ana to leave because he has to make phone calls, which is actually pretty reasonable because he’s a billionaire and has a lot of shit to do, but Ana kind of takes offense to it.
Then Ana leaves to go take a shower.
In the shower, I try to figure out what’s up with Christian. He is the most complicated person I know, and I cannot understand his ever-changing moods.
HE’S AN ASSHOLE. IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
Ana gets dressed and goes out to the kitchen to drink some tea, and Christian meets her there to eat breakfast.
“Have you bought your air ticket?”
“No, I’ll buy it when I get home – over the Internet.”
Why did we emphasize the “over the Internet” thing.
I guess that’s supposed to tell us that Ana doesn’t really understand the internet, which we already knew.
“Do you have the money?”
ARE YOU SERIOUS.
YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS TRIP TO GEORGIA.
YET YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR TICKET.
AND IN FACT YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE MONEY FOR YOUR TICKET.
WHICH ISN’T SURPRISING BECAUSE YOU CURRENTLY DON’T HAVE A JOB AND YOU ALSO JUST MOVED TO A NEW PLACE.
ANASTASIA STEELE, YOU ARE AN IDIOT.
So then Christian offers to let Ana use his fucking jet, because in case you forgot he’s insanely goddamned rich, but Ana refuses him (even though idk how she’s going to get to Georgia now).
They change the topic and start discussing Ana’s interviews that she has this afternoon at two publishing houses. She still refuses to tell Christian the names of them, probably because she doesn’t want him stalking her, although he still threatens to stalk her.
“Are you doing to track my phone?” I ask innocently.
“Actually, I”ll be quite busy this afternoon, so I’ll have to get someone else to do it.” He smirks.
Is he joking?
A+ RELATIONSHIP, RIGHT HERE!
How romantic. Sex on a desk followed by stalking threats.
Ideal relationship, really.