Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 22 [part 1]

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Wooo Friday!

RECAP: Ana wakes up and goes to find Christian. She meets his housekeeper, Mrs. Jones, who is blonde, just like literally every other woman he employs. Ana finds Christian in his study, where he’s doing business stuff, and they have sex on his desk, because…reasons. Afterwards, Christian gets kind of weird and moody. They say goodbye, and Ana leaves to go home and change for her interviews. The second interview goes really well and they basically tell her that she has the job and she’ll start in like a week or something. Her new boss is a man named Jack Hyde (a nod to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which can’t be a good thing), and he’s kind of creepy but nothing bad. Ana talks to Kate, and then Kate drives her to the airport for her flight to Georgia, which we’re not sure how she paid for it because she said she didn’t have the money. When Ana gives the attendant her ticket, she finds out that Christian has bumped her up to first class.

Let’s see how long it takes for Christian to come find Ana in Georgia.

-Chapter Twenty-Two-

I am manicured, massaged, and I’ve had two glasses of champagne. The First Class lounge has many redeeming features. With each sip of Moet, I feel slightly more inclined to forgive Christian and his intervention.

Is this what really happens when you fly First Class? Really??

Ana starts emailing Christian back and forth, and tells him that she got a massage from some young man all thanks to Christian, and then Ana turns off all her stuff because the plane is taking off. Ana literally hugs herself while feeling “mischievous” and thinks about how Christian is going to “flip out,” which Ana seems to think is a bad thing.

Honey, when Christian “flips out,” he beats you, or did you forget that part of your relationship?

Oop, apparently she didn’t turn off her blackberry, and she sees an email from Christian right before the plane takes off. This is what it says:

I know what you’re trying to do – and trust me – you’ve succeeded. Next time you’ll be int he cargo hold, bound and gagged in a crate.

Ummmm….you are one creepy motherfucker.

Ana goes to sleep and wakes up in Atlanta. When she lands, she sends this huge long email to Christian that basically says “You scare me, but I really like you and that confuses me. I’m glad you want to try more but I need to figure out what more means to me so that’s why I’m in Georgia. I miss you a lot  and you’re super hot and stuff.”

I just saved you like 4 pages of reading. You’re welcome.

Ana gets back on another plane, this one going to Savannah, Georgia. She falls asleep and wakes up and the flight is over.

Ana meets her mom and her mom’s husband Bob outside and literally bursts into tears as soon as she’s in her mom’s arms, probably because she’s so relieved to be away from the trauma that is a relationship with Christian Grey.

Ana and her mom go to the beach, and Ana’s mom brings up Christian. Ana calls him moody and mercurial and really doesn’t mention any positive qualities about him, but then says she “more than likes” him, which doesn’t make any sense. This is her mom’s response:

“Men aren’t really complicated, Ana, honey. They are very simple, literal creatures. They usually mean what they say. And we spend hours trying to analyze what they’ve said – when really it’s obvious. If I were you, I’d take him literally. That might help.”

Um…you realize sexism can go both ways, right?

You can’t just lump all men into a category like that. You can’t just say that men are bad at communicating, or that they’re simple. They’re not.

This sounds like good advice. Take Christian literally. Immediately some of the things he’s said spring into my mind.

I don’t want to lose you…
You’ve bewitched me…
You’ve completely beguiled me…
I’ll miss you, too…more than you know…

YEAH. UM. YOU ALSO LEFT OUT SOME OF THE KEY THINGS HE’S SAID TO YOU.

LIKE

“Hold me against my will?”
“Oh yes.”

AND

“Don’t touch yourself. I want you frustrated. That’s what you do to me by not talking to me, by denying me what’s mine.”

AND

“I will spank you each time you [roll your eyes], do you understand?”

AND

“It’s taking all my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car right now, just to show you that you are mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I’ll buy you a fucking car.”

AND

“I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia.”

AND NUMEROUS OTHER RAPE THREATS AND STALKERISH THINGS.

HE CONSTANTLY TREATS YOU AND REFERS TO YOU AS AN OBJECT THAT BELONGS TO HIM.

IF YOU’RE GOING TO TAKE HIM LITERALLY YOU SHOULD BE RUNNING FOR THE HILLS.

So then Ana gets back to the house and opens up her computer to check her email.

Christian sends her a long reply back that basically says “deal with it” to a lot of her issues, but he does say one thing that is REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT and I haven’t seen it said anywhere else in this book, really:

What I think you fail to realize is that in Dom/sub relationships it is the sub that has all the power. That’s you. I’ll repeat this – you are the one with all the power. Not I. In the boathouse you said no. I can’t touch you if you say no – that’s why we have an agreement – what you will and won’t do. If we try things and you don’t like them, we can revise the agreement. It’s up to you – not me.

YES

THANK YOU.

That is the single most important factor in any BDSM relationship: The submissive has all the power, while the dominant has only the illusion of it. The Dom only has power that the Sub gives him/her.

For the most part, this book is a horrible representation of BDSM relationships, yet on rare occasions something really, really accurate happens. Congratulations, E.L. James, you’ve gotten at least one thing right in this piece of shit novel.