Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 23 [part 1]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

Oh my good lord the end of this book is in sight.

Chapter 24 on Wednesday. 25 on Friday. And 26, the final chapter, next Monday. A week from today and I will be done with the first book in this nightmare of a trilogy.

WOO.

RECAP: Ana flies down to visit her mom and her mom’s husband Bob. She bought a normal ticket (although idk where she got the money) but then Christian had her bumped up to first class because he’s ridiculous. Ana and Christian exchange a bunch of emails about their feelings and shit and how Ana is still confused and concerned about the relationship but Christian really wants to make it work and blah blah blah. While in Georgia, Ana’s mom gives her some really awful advice regarding men (“I’d take [Christian] literally. That might help.” What. How does that help anything). Then in another bout of emails, Christian tells Ana that in a BDSM relationship the Submissive has all the power and control, not the Dominant, which is perhaps the most important aspect of BDSM and should have been mentioned maybe 15 chapters ago but whatever. Ana goes out for drinks with her mom and orders several Cosmopolitans, then gets an email from Christian that he went out for dinner with Mrs. Robinson, the woman whom he had a sexual relationship with when he was 16 and she was his mother’s age, and Ana gets insanely pissed about this even though Christian has repeatedly told her that Mrs. Robinson is just a friend. After Ana emails him all pissed off, Christian emails her back asking her how many Cosmopolitans she’s planning on having, which means Christian is at the fucking bar in Savannah where Ana is because he’s a psycho fucking stalker.

-Chapter Twenty-Three-

I glance nervously around the bar but cannot see him.
“Ana, what is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“It’s Christian, he’s here.”
“What? Really?” She glances around the bar, too.
I have neglected to mention Christian’s stalker tendencies to my mom.

jon stewart judging

I like how Ana’s mom isn’t even weirded out that Christian has flown all the way from Seattle without asking or informing anyone. She’s just like “Oh, really? That’s cool.”

THIS MAN IS STALKING YOUR DAUGHTER. YOU SHOULD BE A LITTLE MORE ALARMED.

And if anyone thinks it’s sweet that Christian has flown out to meet Ana even though Ana TOLD HIM NOT TO DO THAT, I will vomit in that person’s eyeballs. This is not sweet or cute or endearing. This is creepy and scary and weird.

Also I love how Ana knows he’s a fucking stalker and doesn’t even care. What the fuck.

Christian walks over and is all beautiful and angelic and Ana is trying really hard to stay mad at him but it’s not going to work because Ana can never be mad at Christian for more than 5 seconds.

He turns to greet my mom.
“Mrs. Adams, I am delighted to meet you.”
How does he know her name?

what the fuck bluth

Seriously this reads like the script of a Lifetime Original Movie about a woman getting stalked.

Also what the fuck. “How does he know her name?” HE’S A FUCKING STALKER. HE DOES BACKGROUND CHECKS ON PRACTICALLY EVERYONE HE’S EVER LOOKED AT. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS HER NAME.

Ana’s Mom, whose name is Carla, practically has an orgasm just from looking at Christian, so apparently that runs in the family.

We also find out that Christian is staying at a hotel in the area.

“You’re staying here?” I sound like a sophomore on amphetamines, too high-pitched even for my own ears.
“Well, yesterday you said you wished I was here.” He pauses trying to gauge my reaction. “We aim to please, Miss Steele.”

Seriously. He came all the way out here because she said “I wish you were here.”

Is that really how rich people’s minds work? Every time someone makes a relatively flippant comment they just take it literally?

“I’m so hungry I could eat an entire cow.”
Christian Grey buys entire cow from farm, has it brought immediately to that person’s house. When given weird looks, Christian Grey does not understand.

Seriously. She just missed you, jesus. That didn’t negate the whole “I need time away from you to think about our relationship” thing that she said.

His voice is quiet with no trace of humor.
Crap – is he mad? Maybe the Mrs. Robinson comments? Or the fact that I am on my third, soon to be fourth, Cosmo?

really

If he’s mad at you for having 4 drinks, he is a douchebag and you should dump his ass.

You should have dumped his ass awhile ago because of the stalking and rape threats and all the other various creepy things he’s done and said, but you should DEFINITELY dump his ass if he’s going to freak out at you every time you have 4 drinks at a bar.

People are allowed to get drunk every now and again. As long as they don’t get violent and start hurting people/themselves while drunk, it’s fine.

“So you just happen to be staying in the hotel where we’re drinking?” I ask, trying hard to keep my tone light.
“Or, you just happen to be drinking in the hotel where I’m staying.” Christian replies. “I just finished dinner, came in here, and saw you. I was distracted thinking about your most recent e-mail, and I glance up and there you are. Quite a coincidence, eh?”

OR MAYBE YOU’RE A FUCKING STALKER AND KNEW WHERE SHE WAS THIS WHOLE TIME BECAUSE YOU ARE A STALKER AND THAT’S WHAT YOU DO. YOU STALK PEOPLE. SPECIFICALLY ANA.

I refuse to believe that this is a coincidence. Christian probably sent spies to follow Ana on her trip. Fucking creep.

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