Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 25 [part 1]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

Sorry for the late posts tonight, I should have planned ahead better. But here they are!

Oh sweet jesus this is the second to last chapter.

RECAP: After having a stupid dream, Ana wakes up to Christian telling her they have to go “chase the dawn” or whatever. Christian turns down morning sex (what). They go gliding, which is something rich people do for fun, and Ana has a lot of feelings (and boners) about Christian while they’re in the air. Afterwards, they go to IHOP because…reasons? and have sexy thoughts about boning in the middle of IHOP (is there a more romantic place?). Ana asks if she can pay for the meal, because this is the only place they’ve ever eaten at where Ana has been able to pay for the food, and she just got a job so why not, but Christian says “Are you trying to completely emasculate me?” because apparently having a lady pay for your meal is the worst thing that could ever happen to a man and it means that your penis will spontaneously turn in on itself and become a vagina. Or something. It’s science. Anyway. Christian drops Ana off at her mom’s house and he’s supposed to come back and have dinner with them, but in the middle of the afternoon he calls Ana and tells her he has to go back to Seattle to deal with a “situation.” Ana emails him before she goes to bed, but he tells her the “situation” still isn’t resolved.

Let’s get it done!

-Chapter Twenty-Five-

My mother hugs me tightly.
“Follow your heart, darling, and please, please – try not to over-think things. Relax and enjoy yourself. You are so young, sweetheart. You have so much of life to experience yet, just let it happen. You deserve the best of everything.”

Jesus, Carla, it’s like you just vomited up a half-ton of Hallmark graduation cards.

Also, relax and enjoy what exactly? The stalking? The sexism? The rape threats and mental abuse? So many enjoyable things to choose from!

“Darling, you know what they say. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.”

blinking

What the fuck does that even mean.  “KISS EVERY DUDE YOU CAN FIND, EVENTUALLY ONE OF THEM WON’T SUCK.”

“I think I’ve kissed a prince, Mom. I hope he doesn’t turn into a frog.”

Or a murderer.

Once she’s on board the plane (first class, again, thanks to Mr. Grey), Ana starts thinking about parents and love and how Christian didn’t have unconditional love during his early years. I get the feeling I’m supposed to be sad about these things, but Christian is a piece of shit and I have a hard time feeling bad for him.

Ana emails Christian, using huge words like “ensconced” and “nocturnal admissions” because she’s a fancy English major, in case any of us forgot.

Christian’s reply is very short. He just says “Anastasia, I look forward to seeing you.” That’s it.

She emails him again, asking about the “situation.” Christian says “the situation could be better,” and then tells Ana not to email once the plane takes off.

They email a couple more times, though it’s a shadow of their usual playful flirty bullshit that I hate so much. The plane takes off, and Ana is very anxious about the whole thing, which is certainly understandable. Not sure why Christian refuses to tell her what the “situation” is, but hopefully he has a good reason for that.

Ana lands in Seattle, and Taylor, Christian’s body guard dude is there waiting to pick her up. Taylor also refuses to say what the “situation” is.

Ana gets to Christian’s apartment (or penthouse or whatever the fuck you call that behemoth of a living space) and Christian is on the phone. He looks upset and says something about “No trace…okay…” which sounds bad. When he sees Ana he gets off the phone and goes and kisses her like crazy for like 5 straight minutes.

…I’m having a hard time making fun of things in this chapter. To be honest, I just want to know what the “situation” is, because I’m just so excited by the idea that it might be something even more ridiculous than the things that have happened in the book so far.

After the epic kiss, Christian demands that they shower together? He doesn’t even ask, he LITERALLY demands it.

Uuughhhh and now it’s time for more sex. Of course. Ugh ugh ugh.

Thank the lord, Ana is no longer on her period. No more tampon pulling!

The sex is exactly like all the other sex they have, except this time they do it with Christian standing up with Ana’s legs wrapped around his hips and her arms around his neck. The sex lasts maybe 60 seconds before they both cum at the same time, just like always.

Come onnn, E.L., give me some variety here!

Afterwards, they take an actual shower. While in there, Ana tells Christian that she’s gotten a job, and she finally tells him what company it’s at (she refused to tell him where she was interviewing). Apparently he didn’t use his stalking techniques to find out for himself. That’s…almost nice of him? Is “not stalking” considered a nice thing to do?

Ana also mentions that José is having a photography show on Thursday (what the fuck day is it right now in this stupid book. I have no idea) and asks if Christian wants to come with. Surprisingly, he says yes.

And then they have sex again.

are you serious

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