Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 25 [part 2]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

After the shower sex, they sit down and drink some wine.

“How’s the, um…situation that brought you to Seattle?” I ask tentatively.
He frowns.
“Out of hand,” he murmurs bitterly.

Alright, look, Miss James, I get that you’re trying to build suspense and dramatic tension and all that, but this whole “situation” better be something pretty damn spectacular, because this whole “Christian won’t tell Ana what it is” thing is just annoying me at this point. You’re trying too hard to make this story interesting, which might be a good hint that it’s not an interesting story.

“I have plans for you this evening.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. I want you ready and waiting in my playroom in fifteen minutes.”

ah no sherlock

NO THANK YOU.

CAN WE NOT DO THAT.

HOW ABOUT WE NOT HAVE MORE SEX AFTER ALREADY HAVING SEX TWICE WITHIN THE SPAN OF 5 MINUTES.

I don’t want to have to read more sex scenes. Whyyy. WHYYY.

“You can get ready in your room. Incidentally, the walk-in closet is now full of clothes for you. I don’t want any arguments about them.” He narrows his eyes, daring me to say something. When I don’t, he stalks off to his study.

Okay, Christian, you know all of these extravagant gifts make Ana uncomfortable. Maybe you could, I don’t know, tone it down a little bit? Maybe try being less of a rich bastard sometimes?

This book is slightly infuriating (and by “slightly” I mean “extremely”) to me because I just graduated college with a crap-ton of debt, and this rich, fictional motherfucker just bought his girlfriend a Macbook, a blackberry, an entire fucking wardrobe, not to mention a goddamned CAR.

Is this what rich people spend their money on? Seriously? Maybe instead of having 17 cars they could use that money and help pay for some peasants’ educations. That would be kind of nice. Of course, I’m sure they need all 17 of those cars, silly me, how dare I try and take one away.

ANYWAY.

So [the room] is still mine…why? I thought he’d agreed to let me sleep with him. I suppose he’s not used to sharing his personal space, but then, neither am I. I console myself with the thought that at least I have somewhere to escape from him.

what tyra

I’d say it’s probably pretty easy to share your personal space with another person when YOUR PERSONAL SPACE IS THE SIZE OF A GODDAMNED FOOTBALL FIELD.

Also, Ana, you visit him for 3 days on the weekend, you can’t spend 3 days with him without needing to get away from him?

Unless you’re talking about having a place to escape to when he’s trying to murder you, in which case…a room within his own apartment PROBABLY won’t be a good enough hiding spot to save you. Sorry. Try again.

So Ana ends up in naught but her panties, kneeling by the door of Christian’s Creepy Murder Room, just like he taught her the last time they were in there.

This is so… I want to think wrong, but somehow it’s not. It’s right for Christian. It’s what he wants – and after the last few days… after all he’s done, I have to man up and take whatever he decides he wants, whatever he thinks he needs.

fuck this thing godzilla

ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW.

I THINK I MAY HAVE FOUND THE BIGGEST PILE OF BULLSHIT EVER PUBLISHED IN A BOOK.

THAT QUOTE…THAT QUOTE IS LIKE AN ENTIRE DUMPTRUCK WORTH OF SHIT. THE AMOUNT OF SHIT IN THAT QUOTE COULD FILL UP THE ENTIRETY OF THE MARIANAS TRENCH, THE DEEPEST FUCKING PIT IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING OCEAN.

SO

MUCH

BULLSHIT.

YOU DO NOT GET INTO BDSM RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE IT’S WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WANTS.

YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE IT’S WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WANTS.

YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, WHATEVER WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY, WHATEVER YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH, AND FUCK ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO TRIES TO MAKE YOU DO SOMETHING YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH JUST FOR THEIR OWN PLEASURE.

YOU DON’T OWE CHRISTIAN ANYTHING, ANA.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO “MAN UP” AND DO ANYTHING YOU AREN’T 100% OKAY WITH. THAT IS NOT WHAT BDSM IS ABOUT. BDSM ISN’T ABOUT SUCKING IT UP AND TAKING IT BECAUSE IT’S WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WANTS. IT’S ABOUT TRUST AND COMMUNICATION AND IT IS BASED ON A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING.

IF THE TWO OF YOU DON’T HAVE A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING ABOUT WHAT YOU BOTH WANT OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP SEXUALLY/EMOTIONALLY, THEN YOU TWO NEED TO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. MAYBE STAY IN DIFFERENT STATES, OR DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, JUST GET OUT OF THIS TOXIC, HORRIBLE RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BUST A HEART VALVE OUT OF RAGE.

CAN YOU EVEN BUST HEART VALVES?

BECAUSE THIS BOOK IS MAKING ME WANT TO FIND OUT.

GOD

DAMN

IT.

IF A DUDE BUYS YOU SHIT, YOU DON’T OWE HIM ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY NOT SEX.

YOU DON’T OWE HIM ANYTHING IF HE BUYS YOU A CAR. OR CLOTHES. OR IF HE BUMPS YOUR PLANE TICKET UP TO FIRST CLASS. OR IF HE FLIES 3,000+ MILES OUT TO GEORGIA TO SEE YOU.

YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE ANYTHING BECAUSE IT’S YOUR BODY AND YOUR LIFE AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ALLOWED TO BE IN CONTROL OF THOSE THINGS.

FUCK.

Although if you take out a loan or buy something or whatever, then you do owe someone something because that’s how debt works. However, debt does not apply to sexual relations or relationships or whatever.

Okay? Okay.

Jesus goddamned christ. I think I need a beer.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s