Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 25 [part 3]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

Still pissed off about that whole “it’s what he wants” bullshit.

Whatever.

Finally Christian waltzes in the room after 20 goddamned minutes or something, because he’s a dick and made Ana wait, kneeling, forever.

Christian places something on top of the large chest by the door, but Ana doesn’t see what it is. Oh the tension. It’s killing me. What could he possibly have brought in. Tell me now or I shall perish.

hey look someone who gives a fuck

Then Christian starts taking items out of the chest of drawers and putting them on top.

My curiosity burns, blazes even, but I resist the overwhelming temptation to sneak a quick peek.

“My curiosity burns, blazes even…”?

Are you serious?

Why even add the “blazes” part. Who gives a flying bloody fuck in space about the temperature of your curiosity.

“We don’t have a signed contract, Anastasia. But we’ve discussed limits. And I want to reiterate we have safewords, okay?”

Oh for the love of fuck. What are you going to do to her.

So the safewords are Yellow, for when she wants him to be careful because he’s approaching her limit, and Red, for when she wants him to stop whatever he’s doing immediately.

“My intention is not that you should safe-word because you’re in pain. What I intend to do to you will be intense. Very intense, and you have to guide me. Do you understand?”
Not really. Intense? Wow.
“This is about touch, Anastasia. You will not be able to see me or hear me. But you’ll be able to feel me.”

Ummm…okay?

Can we get this show on the road? Just bone and be done with it, this is all rather tedious and boring.

So it turns out he’s going to tie her to the bed, blindfold her, and she’s going to listen to some music that he’s picked out. He also gets out a flogger, which apparently isn’t supposed to hurt her, but will bring her blood to the surface of her skin to make everything sensitive?

Is that how it works? I have no flogger experience.

Christian blindfolds her with a sleeping mask and puts some earbuds in her ears, but he doesn’t turn the music on yet.

And then we get like 20 minutes of him handcuffing her to the bed, and her practically orgasming each time he touches her. Ugh. Gag me.

Finally he turns the music on and it’s some kind of celestial choir singing a hymnal?

I…I guess that’s good sex music? Whatever floats your boat?

And then Christian starts petting Ana with something furry, a fur glove or something.

Then he hits her with the flogger and she’s super into it.

And then the song stops, and Christian stops, but then it starts again and he starts again, only this time he’s kissing and sucking and licking all over her whole body and it all feels very nice, I’m sure.

Come on, come on, just get to the main event already.

Then Christian goes down on her (once again she refuses to refer to her vagina by name. It’s Cheryl, goddamnit, CHERYL) but he stops before she orgasms.

And then he undoes her leg restraints and then enters her (I hate that term. Entering someone sounds so gross. Bleh). But he still won’t let her cum, until the music reaches its climax and then he lets her orgasm and, as always, it’s like the best orgasm ever in the whole world.

Afterwards, he undoes her hand restraints and tells her to roll over so he can massage her shoulders. I guess that’s nice of him.

Ana asks what the music was, apparently it was “Spem In Alium,” or the “Forty Part Motet” by Thomas Tallis, just in case any of you want to go find it and listen to it.

“It was… overwhelming.”
“I’ve always wanted to fuck to it.”

Way to ruin the moment, Christian.

Ana says something that’s vague and kind of romantic and you’re just like YUP I LIKED FUCKIN’ YOU TO THAT SONG.

Ana asks Christian to tell her what she says in her sleep.

“You said lots of things, Anastasia. You talked about cages and strawberries… that you wanted more… and that you missed me.”
Oh, thank heavens for that.
“Is that all?” The relief in my voice is evident.

Well that was a whole bunch of built up curiosity for no pay off. I don’t care that she talked about strawberries. It was supposed to be some big deal, not fruit. Stupid.

Of course, when she sounds relieved Christian is all curious about what she thought she had said, but she won’t tell him.

“You are hiding something, Anastasia. I may have to torture it out of you.”

um loki

Ummm…

Okay.

I hope I’m not the only one uncomfortable about that statement.

-End of Chapter Twenty-Five-

GUYS

YOU GUYS

THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER.

THE LAST CHAPTER OF THIS AWFUL BOOK.

AND THEN WE GET TO START ON THE SEQUELS.

FUCK.

SEE YOU MONDAY.

 

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