Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 26 [part 1]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs/images used in this post (or any other for that matter). If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

LAST CHAPTER.

I feel like I should break open a bottle of champagne or something.

I’m way more excited about this than I should be. It still hasn’t hit me that there are two more of these books left.

But let’s enjoy it while we can!

RECAP: Ana leaves Georgia, flying first class once again courtesy of Christian. When she gets back to Christian’s place, he still won’t tell her what the “situation” is, but demands shower sex that instant. After shower sex, they talk a little bit, Ana tells Christian about her new job at the small publishing place, and she also invites him to go with her to José’s photography show, and Christian surprisingly agrees to go. They have sex again. After THIS bout of sex, they lounge in his massive living room, drinking wine, until Christian tells Ana that they’re going to have sex AGAIN, this time in his creepy murder room. He tells her to go get ready in her room (she has her own room in his apartment), which has a closet filled with clothes that he’s bought for her. While waiting for Christian in the creepy murder room, Ana thinks about how she’s not entirely comfortable with this situation, but that’s okay because it’s what Christian wants, and she has to “man up” and take it, which is probably the most bullshit thought she’s ever had and it still makes me so furious I can’t even think straight. Christian comes in the room and blindfolds Ana and puts earbuds in her ears and ties her hands and feet to the bed, and then plays with her while she listens to music before fucking her for maybe 30 seconds. They cum at the same time, as always. The chapter ends with Christian telling Ana what she’s said in her sleep, things which aren’t nearly as bad as Ana thought they might be.

And now.

The final chapter of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Enjoy.

-Chapter Twenty-Six-

Ana wakes up, alone in bed, around 5 AM, thanks to the time difference between Seattle and Georgia (apparently it would be 8 AM in Georgia). She remembers that she needs to take her birth control pill, which she apparently decided to start while she was in Georgia, not thinking about the time difference, and now has to take it at FIVE IN THE MORNING EVERY DAY.

I put up a stink because Christian didn’t think Ana was smart enough to remember to take her pill every day at the same time, but apparently he was right to think that.

Also…she’s only been taking this pill for like a week, and her and Christian have already had unprotected sex at least 4 times, with Christian cumming inside her each time.

…Y’all are dumb. Y’all are real dumb.

Ana goes to find Christian, who is angstily playing piano out in the “great room,” because his apartment/penthouse monstrosity is huge enough to have a room big enough to be called a Great Room.

Jesus.

When Christian sees Ana, he scolds her for being awake so early, but she tells him he shouldn’t be awake either, to which he responds that he can’t sleep.

She tells him that she needs to take her pill, and he makes fun of her for starting the pill while in a different time zone (which is unbelieveably dumb). They come up with a plan for her to take the pill a half hour later every day, until she’s taking it at a normal time.

I am 100% positive she’s going to forget about it. 110%, really.

“So what shall we do for half an hour?” I blink innocently at him.
“I can think of a few things,” he grins, gray eyes bright. I gaze back impassively as my insides clench and melt under his knowing look.
“On the other hand, we could talk,” I suggest quietly.
His brow creases.
“I prefer what I have in mind.” He scoops me onto his lap.
“You’d always rather have sex than talk, I laugh, steadying myself by holding on to his upper arms.

Ughhhh WHY CAN’T YOU TWO JUST COMMUNICATE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE.

WHY CAN’T YOU GO MORE THAN 5 SECONDS WITHOUT HAVING SEX.

They start talking about their relationship and the contract. Christian says that the contract is “moot” now, because he’s had her in the creepy murder room twice now and she had a good time so I guess he doesn’t need his weird contract anymore.

Except I guess Ana has to follow all of those stupid, bullshit rules still, even though there’s no contract, so the contract ISN’T moot, Christian is just making shit up.

“I want you to follow the rules – all the time. Then I know you’ll be safe, and I’ll be able to have you anytime I wish.”

face palm startrek

Or, you know, you could trust her to be able to take care of herself without your stupid bullshit rules, and her following your rules doesn’t mean you’ll be able to “have” her any time you wish. You can have her just about whenever you want anyway, she’s always down for it, why is that even part of your stupid rules. UGH.

The lack of trust in this relationship is hilariously awful. As is the lack of communication.

“And if I break one of the rules?”
“Then I’ll punish you.”
“But won’t you need my permission?”
“Yes, I will.”
“And if I say no?”
He gazes at me for a moment, with a confused expression.
“If you say no, you’ll say no. I’ll have to find a way to persuade you.”

seriously black widow

Um.

“I want to hurt you because you made me mad.”
“No.”
“Well…what if I get you ice cream afterward?”
“Oh, well in that case sure!”

How do you expect to “persuade her” to let her hurt you, asshole?

This relationship is doomed. If these people were in a relationship in real life, it would crash and burn or be considered an abusive relationship.

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