Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 1 [Part 2]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

I am finding it difficult to eat. By Wednesday lunchtime, I manage a cup of yogurt, and it’s the first thing I’ve eaten since Friday.

Yup. You’re really dealing with this in a healthy way, Ana. Not eating for almost a week? Good job. You’re really doing a good job at living.

Jack has started to hover over me, irritating me, asking me personal questions. What does he want?

oh honey

Seriously? Seriously.

“GEE THIS CREEPY DUDE IS HOVERING AROUND ME ALL THE TIME AND ASKING PERSONAL QUESTIONS. I WONDER WHAT HE COULD BE AFTER.”

He wants to have sex with you. If you are honestly that dumb, how the FUCK did you graduate from college.

While Ana is at work, she gets an email from Christian, because Christian literally has no concept of what a fucking “Break up” is.

He asks her about José’s photography showing, because Ana had asked Christian to go with her before the break up, and Christian offers to give Ana a ride there, because she gave her car back to him and still hasn’t bought a car for herself.

Ana immediately starts crying and bolts to the bathroom, because that’s super inconspicuous and no one will be alarmed by you frantically running for the bathroom.

Crap. I’d forgotten all about [José’s show], and I promised him I’d go. Shit, Christian is right; how am I going to get there?

CALL A FUCKING TAXI.

RENT A GODDAMNED CAR.

ASK JOSE TO DRIVE YOU, I’M SURE HE’D BE WILLING TO COME PICK YOU UP.

IT’S NOT LIKE CHRISTIAN HAS THE ONLY CAR IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING STATE.

Ana then realizes that her cell phone has been on silent, and besides that her phone is set to send all calls to the blackberry that Christian gave her. I didn’t know Ana even had her own cell phone before Christian gave her one, but I guess she does.

Can I see him again? Could I bear it? Do I want to see him?

NO.

NO.

AND NO.

DON’T GO TO THE FUCKING SHOW WITH HIM. HITCH A RIDE FROM SOMEONE ELSE. ANYONE ELSE.

THAT’S LIKE RULE #1 OF BREAK UPS: AVOID YOUR EX LIKE THE GODDAMNED PLAGUE.

Perhaps, perhaps I can tell him I’ve changed my mind… No, no, no. I cannot be with someone who takes pleasure in inflicting pain on me, someone who can’t love me.

DING DING DING.

YOU WIN THE PRIZE.

THE PRIZE IS STAYING THE FUCK AWAY FROM CHRISTIAN BECAUSE HE’S BAD FUCKING NEWS.

I cry myself to sleep at night, wishing I hadn’t walked out, wishing that he could be different, wishing that we were together.

IF YOU WANT THE PERSON THAT YOU’RE DATING TO CHANGE DRASTICALLY FOR YOU, YOU SHOULDN’T BE DATING THAT PERSON.

EITHER GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM AND LOVE HIM THE WAY HE IS, OR DEAL WITH THE PAIN RIGHT NOW AND GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

Ugh and then she accepts his offer of giving her a ride to the show.

what the fuck

God damn this book.

Ana then calls José, who’s really happy to hear from her, to ask what time the show is at. It’s at 7:30, in case you’re curious.

She then emails Christian again to tell him what time, and Christian says he’ll pick her up at 5:45.

Ana goes home (did you forget that she was at work earlier? Yeah. So did I. And so, it seems, did E.L. James) and lays in bed, thinking about Christian.

He thinks he doesn’t deserve to be loved. why does he feel that way? Is it something to do with his upbringing? His birth mom, the crack whore?

How delightfully politically correct of you, Ana.

She’s definitely not a dead woman who had feelings and hopes and dreams.

Nope. Just some woman who sold her body for drug money.

Yes, Christian had a fucked up childhood (…when he was 2-3 years old, barely old enough to remember anything), but he’s 28 years old now, he’s been in therapy for many years, if his past is still affecting his relationships this much, he probably shouldn’t be in a goddamned relationship. It’s not your job to fucking “fix” him. It’s his job.

Then it’s the next day, and Ana is at work again, wearing a dress she stole from Kate’s closet that sounds barely professional. And, of course, Jack, her boss, is being a mega-creep again.

“Maybe tomorrow you’d like to come for a drink after work. You’ve had a stellar first week, Ana. We should celebrate.” He smiles and some unknown emotion flits across his face, making me uneasy.

boner alert

That unknown emotion is a boner, Ana. The man wants to have sex with you.

Sometimes you are so dumb it’s almost impressive.

I frown at his retreating back. Drinks with the boss, is that a good idea?

Not unless you want to sleep with him, idiot.

Ana leaves work (while Jack watches her because apparently he wants to steal the title of Creepiest Dude Ever from Christian) and Taylor is waiting to open the car door for her. Christian is waiting in the back seat, and, of course, he’s scowling.

“When did you last eat?” he snaps as Taylor closes the door behind me.
Crap. “Hello, Christian.Yes, it’s nice to see you, too.”
“I don’t want your smart mouth now. Answer me.”

are you fucking kidding me draw

Seriously.

Are you being serious right now.

If you want to win Ana back, maybe you shouldn’t TREAT HER LIKE A FUCKING CHILD.

SHE’S A GROWN-ASS WOMAN, SHE CAN HANDLE HER OWN EATING HABITS.

Have her eating habits been good recently? No, because she hasn’t been eating anything because she’s too busy moping.

But that doesn’t give Christian the right to be a complete dick about it to her.

Jesus christ.

Christian asks Ana when her last “proper” meal was.

“Christian, that really is none of your concern,” I murmur, feeling extraordinarily brave.
“Whatever you do concerns me. Tell me.”

YOU FUCKING BROKE UP YOU GODDAMNED CREEP.

STEP. THE FUCK. BACK.

Oh jesus christ and then they start holding hands and Christian says he misses her and suddenly they’re fucking cuddling.

FIVE DAYS.

YOU TWO CAN’T MAKE IT FIVE FUCKING DAYS WITHOUT EACH OTHER?

WHAT THE FUCK.

 

 

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