[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]
I’m on a new computer (er, well, it’s my old computer, but I just got it back from being fixed, and it’s so much faster than the other computer I was using, it’s not even funny) and the new post page looks SO WEIRD on this screen. WHAT IS GOING ON.
I missed this computer so much, you guys, you have no idea.
Let’s get this show on the road!
RECAP: Jesus, where do I even start with this one. Ana spent the majority of the last chapter moping over her break up with Christian Grey. She starts her new job, her boss is super creepy towards her, but Ana is just like “omg what does he want, can’t he see I’m too busy feeling bad for myself?” Ana gets an email from Christian asking her about José’s photography show, since he’d already said he would go with her, and now she doesn’t have a car so she has no ride (RENT A FUCKING CAR. ASK A FRIEND. YOU DON’T ACCEPT YOUR EX BOYFRIEND’S OFFER FOR A RIDE UNLESS YOU’RE LITERALLY BLEEDING TO DEATH AND NEED TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL. FUCK. IT’S LIKE BREAK UP RULE NUMBER 1: DON’T SEE YOUR EX FOR THE FIRST MONTH, IF YOU CAN AVOID IT. UGH). Ana accepts, and Christian says he’ll pick her up at 5:45.
He picks her up, they fly in his stupid helicopter to Portland, have awkward conversations about where their relationship is now. Christian is a dick about Ana’s eating habits, because apparently he’s her fucking father and has to police her meals whether they’re in a relationship or not. (“but Caitlin, he’s just worried about her! It’s sweet!” NOPE. Even if that is true, he’s a condescending fuck-bag about it, so nice try. Also they’re FUCKING BROKEN UP, so it’s not his job to be worried about her. ALSO SHE’S A GODDAMNED ADULT SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.) Ana references the goddamned Icarus myth at least 4000 times, even though IT DOESN’T FUCKING APPLY TO THIS SITUATION. Christian says he wants Ana back, and Ana is all “OMG WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.” They go to José’s photography show, where they find out that half of his photography is of Ana, and he never even told her about it, and now he’s selling those pictures, which is just SUPER CREEPY, but then Christian buys all of them even though THEY ARE BROKEN UP. FUCK. Then Christian demands that Ana leave early, and instead of fighting it, Ana just accepts it. She hugs José really hard though, which pisses Christian off. After leaving, Christian forces Ana into an alley and traps her against the wall to kiss her a bunch, and he says “you. are. mine.” even though she CLEARLY ISN’T BECAUSE THEY ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER WHAT THE FUCK. And then they decide to go out to eat together.
I’m still furious about that chapter. I ranted about it for like an hour while on the phone with my boyfriend the other day. I just…everything about that chapter was so ridiculous I can’t even handle it.
Time to see if this chapter is going to be better or worse!
Christian takes Ana to some small restaurant, which is apparently not fancy enough for him because he says “This place will have to do.” Sorry not everyone is as rich as you, Christian, sometimes us lesser people like eating out at restaurants too.
Then Christian orders for Ana, without even asking her, because for some reason they don’t have very much time and that gives Christian license to be an asshole.
“And if I don’t like steak?”
He sighs. “Don’t start, Anastasia.”
“I am not a child, Christian.”
“Well, stop acting like one.”
Ah yes, the classic childish action: wanting to order for oneself.
How the fuck is that even a little bit childish.
Ana: “you ordering for me is weird and I would have liked to order for myself.”
Christian: “OMG YOU’RE SUCH A CHILD.”
What…I don’t…whatever. I give up.
“I’m a child because I don’t like steak?” I mutter trying to conceal my hurt.
“For deliberately making me jealous. It’s a childish thing to do. Have you no regard for your friend’s feelings, leading him on like that?”
SHE FUCKING HUGGED HIM. FOR FUCKS SAKE. SHE DIDN’T SHOVE HIS DICK IN HER MOUTH, I’M PRETTY SURE IT’S FINE.
Although I do agree that is pretty shitty to use a friend to make your ex jealous.
They’re both shitty people in this situation, basically.
They start dancing around the topic of their relationship, until finally Christian brings it up.
“Ana, the last time we spoke, you left me. I’m a little nervous. I’ve told you I want you back, and you’ve said…nothing.”
MAYBE THAT’S BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU BACK, YOU HURRICANE OF DICKS.
We need to stop having these romantic stories where the woman says no and the guy is persistent and his persistence wins him the girl.
NEWSFLASH: When a girl says no, USUALLY SHE MEANS NO. “No” does not mean try harder. “I’m breaking up with you” does not mean “I secretly want you back, you just need to win me over first.”
Also you gave her FIVE FUCKING DAYS.
Both of you need to sort some shit out, and the first step in doing that is to SPEND SOME TIME APART.
You couldn’t even go a week! What the fuck!
“I’ve missed you…really missed you, Christian. The past few days have been…difficult.”
THAT’S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T GIVEN YOURSELF ANY TIME TO THINK IT OVER. YOU’VE SPENT THE LAST 4 DAYS PINING AFTER CHRISTIAN WHEN YOU COULD HAVE BEEN FIGURING YOUR LIFE OUT AND DECIDING WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE AND OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS.
THE FIRST FEW DAYS ARE ALWAYS DIFFICULT, YOU IDIOT. THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD GET BACK WITH HIM.
“Nothing’s changed. I can’t be what you want me to be.” I squeeze the words out past the lump in my throat.
HUZZAH! ANASTASIA STEELE FINALLY HAS A BACKBONE! AND IS ACTUALLY KIND OF INTELLIGENT!
Guys we should through a party.