Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 2 [Part 3]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

“But it’s not arbitrary; the rules are written down.”
“I don’t want a set of rules.”
“None at all?”
“No rules.” I shake my head, but my heart is in my mouth. Where is he going with this?

HE WANTS YOU BACK, IDIOT. HE SAID SO HIMSELF. WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HE’S GOING WITH THIS.

“But you don’t mind if I spank you?”
“Spank me with what?”
“This.” He holds up his hand.
I squirm uncomfortably. “No, not really. Especially with those silver balls…”

Ugh, and now Ana is all boner-town because she’s thinking about the time he spanked her when she had those silver balls in her vagina.

Whyyy are you going back to himmmm!

“Anastasia, I want to start again. Do the vanilla thing and then maybe, once you trust me more and I trust you to be honest and to communicate with me, we could move on and do some of the things that I like to do.”

WHAATTT turtle

CHRISTIAN GREY SAID SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE AND IS A GOOD IDEA.

WHAT.

HE’S NOT BEING AN ASSHOLE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

STOP BEING SO REASONABLE, CHRISTIAN. IT CONFUSES ME.

He wants the light, but can I ask him to do this for me?

HE’S NOT DOING IT FOR YOU, HE’S DOING IT FOR HIMSELF, BECAUSE BEING WITH YOU MEANS MORE TO HIM THAN HIS NEED TO BEAT WOMEN.

Which, by the way, doesn’t make this gesture romantic or sweet or anything, because he still seems to think that he “needs” to beat women for some reason. He’s still a sexist, creepy fuck. He’s just being kind of reasonable for once.

Ana, this isn’t always about Christian. What do YOU want. That’s what you need to figure out. That’s what you SHOULD have been trying to figure out while you were apart from him, instead of just sitting around moping all the time.

“But what about punishments?”
“No punishments.” He shakes his head. “None.”
“And the rules?”
“No rules.”
“None at all? But you have needs.”

BEATING WOMEN IS NOT A “NEED.”

IT’S SOMETHING HE LIKES TO DO.

WHICH IS SUPER FUCKED UP AND HE NEEDS TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST AND YOU NEED TO GET A FUCKING RESTRAINING ORDER.

But nooo, you think he’s just sooo perfect and romantic and wonderful, as does every other woman in this damned country, it seems.

“I need you more, Anastasia. These last few days have been purgatory. All my instincts tell me to let you go, tell me I don’t deserve you.”

YOU DON’T. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER.

“I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul.”

face palm startrek

Nice 8th grade emo poetry there, Christian.

Also, I’m glad your true colors are showing. You’re not doing this because you’ve seen the error of your ways. You’re not doing this because you’ve finally realized that there’s a difference between “needing” to hit your girlfriend and “wanting” to hit your girlfriend.

You’re doing this because the thought of her being with someone else makes you mad, and you just want to pee in a circle around her and mark her as your property.

You even talk about her like property!

“The thought of anyone else having you.”

Not the thought of you being with anyone else, the thought of you being owned by someone else, the thought of you being “had,” the same way someone can have a couch, or a computer, or a bottle of wine.

I know people use language like that a lot in relationships, hell, I even do it myself, I say things like “You’re mine” to my boyfriend and stuff like that all the time. But I know and he knows that neither of us see the other as an object to be owned.

All evidence seems to say that Christian Grey views women as objects. He sees Ana as property to be owned. And that is a problem.

So then Ana scrambles into Christian’s lap and takes his face in her hands and delivers this whole speech about how she loves him and whatever.

“I love you, Christian Grey. And you’re prepared to do all this for me. I’m the one who is undeserving, and I’m just sorry that I can’t do all those things for you. Maybe with time…I don’t know…but yes, I accept your proposition. Where do I sign?”

Ughhhh HE’S NOT DOING IT SOLELY FOR YOUR BENEFIT. JUST LIKE YOU SHOULDN’T ACCEPT THIS PROPOSAL SOLELY FOR HIS BENEFIT.

Also you shouldn’t be in a relationship that makes you feel inadequate.

So then they cuddle in the car for awhile and it’s all cute and bullshit. Finally, Ana asks why touching is a “hard limit” for Christian.

“I had a horrific childhood. One of the crack whore’s pimps…” His voice trails off, and his body tenses as he recalls some unimaginable horror. “I can remember that,” he whispers, shuddering.

Referring to your mother as a “crack whore” probably doesn’t help you get over this whole thing? I’m no expert in psychology, but that just doesn’t seem like something useful.

“Was she abusive? Your mother?” My voice is low and soft with unshed tears.
“Not that I remember. She was neglectful. She didn’t protect me from her pimp.”
He snorts. “I think it was me who looked after her. When she finally killed herself, it took four days for someone to raise the alarm and find us…I remember that.”

HOW DO YOU REMEMBER ANY OF THIS.

YOU WERE 2 YEARS OLD.

HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK.

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