Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 3 [Part 3]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

Christian drapes his arm around my shoulder in a seemingly casual display of affection–but I know differently. He is staking a claim, and on this occasion, it’s very welcome. Softly he kisses my hair.

Just pee in a circle around her, why don’t you.

It’s nice that he “saved” her from Jack, but I hate that we live in a world where Ana couldn’t effectively stand up for herself because it’s her boss and she doesn’t want to offend him, and also even if she DID stand up for herself and tell Jack that he was invading her personal space and was making her uncomfortable, he probably wouldn’t have listened because men like Jack don’t recognize women as people and when women say no to them, it’s actually just an invitation to try harder.

Rape culture, hurray.

Anyway.

“Jack, this is Christian,” I mumble apologetically. Why am I apologizing? “Christian, Jack.”

I don’t know, why are you apologizing? Also, more importantly, WHY CAN’T YOU EVER SPEAK ABOVE A GODDAMNED WHISPER.

Jack invites Christian to stay and have a drink with them, but Christian says they already have plans, plans which he never informed Ana about, but Ana is apparently totally okay with being kept in the dark.

The two of them leave the bar and get in the car (Taylor is driving, of course).

“Why did that feel like a pissing contest? I ask Christian as he opens the car door for me.
“Because it was,” he murmurs and gives me his enigmatic smile then shuts the door.

Well at least he knows what it was and doesn’t try and make it seem like something else.

It turns out they don’t actually have plans, but they decide to go to Ana’s currently empty apartment so they can go bang. Whoop di doo, it looks like we’re heading for our first atrocious sex scene of this novel.

“Your boss, Jack Hyde, is he good at his job?”
Whoa! That’s a sudden change in direction? I frown. “Why? This isn’t about your pissing contest?”
Christian smirks. “That man wants into your panties, Anastasia,” he says dryly.

I DO BELIEVE THAT MAN DOTH DESIRE ENTRANCE INTO THINE UNDERTHINGS, MY LADY ANASTASIA.

Who the fuck talks like that, jesus christ.

“Well, he can want all he likes…why are we even having this conversation? You know I have no interest in him whatsoever. He’s just my boss.”
“That’s the point. He wants what’s mine. I need to know if he’s good at his job.”

done with your shit

What the fuck, Christian.

STOP TREATING ANA LIKE SHE’S A PIECE OF FUCKING PROPERTY.

SHE’S A PERSON, AND IF HER BOSS IS CREEPY TOWARDS HER, SHE CAN ALWAYS JUST TELL HIM NO AND REPORT IT TO HR? AND IF THAT DOESN’T WORK OR HE DOES SOMETHING AWFUL THEN SHE CAN CALL THE COPS AND SEND HIS ASS TO JAIL?

SHE ISN’T A TOY THAT YOU CAN STICK A LABEL ON AND CALL HER YOURS.

SHE CAN HANDLE HERSELF. FUCK YOU.

Also, what the fuck, are you going to buy the company and fucking FIRE A GUY for creeping on your girlfriend?

YOU DON’T THINK THAT’S JUST A WEE BIT EXTREME?

“He makes one move, you tell me. It’s called gross moral turpitude–or sexual harassment.”

WHY NOT JUST FUCKING CALL IT SEXUAL HARASSMENT THEN.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ANA FEEL STUPID (and me too, actually) BY USING HUGE WORDS LIKE THAT.

I DON’T CARE HOW GOOD YOUR VOCABULARY IS. YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG.

“You’ve bought it. SIP. Already.”
He blinks at me, warily. “Possibly.”
“You have or you haven’t?”
“Have.”
What the hell? “Why?” I gasp, appalled. Oh, this just is too much.
“Because I can, Anastasia. I need you safe.”

here hold this stab

Are you fucking kidding me.

“Hmm…girlfriend’s boss at work is creepy. How to fix…I KNOW! BUY THE COMPANY AND FIRE HIM!”

What the actual fuck.

Christian spent MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to buy the company Ana works for just so he could STALK HER MORE EFFECTIVELY.

Ughhh that’s how he knew her work email was monitored.

UGHH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

ALSO

HE HAD TO HAVE BOUGHT THE COMPANY SEVERAL DAYS AGO BECAUSE BUSINESS TRANSACTIONS PROBABLY DON’T GO THAT FAST, SO HE PROBABLY BOUGHT THE COMPANY BEFORE HE AND ANA GOT BACK TOGETHER.

WHAT

THE

FUCK.

 

“Are you mad at me?”
“Yes. Of course I’m mad at you.” I seethe. “I mean, what kind of responsible business executive makes decisions based on who they are currently fucking?”

Good point, Ana.

Christian doesn’t answer.

They get to Ana’s place and get out, and Christian tells Taylor to wait there, I guess because he assumes Ana isn’t going to let him stay now.

I mean, really, Christian, how the fuck did you think she would react? “Aww, how sweet, you bought the company I work for! It’s like buying me flowers, only better!” You are absolutely ridiculous, Christian.

“First, I haven’t fucked you for a while–a long while, it feels–and second, I wanted to get into publishing.”

mulan irritated

YOU HAVEN’T FUCKED FOR MAYBE A WEEK.

SEVEN

FUCKING

DAYS.

YOU CAN’T GO SEVEN GODDAMNED DAYS WITHOUT YOUR DICK IN A VAGINA? ARE YOU ACTUALLY SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.

And okay, great, you wanted to get into publishing, maybe you should have TALKED TO ANA ABOUT THIS BEFORE BUYING HER GODDAMNED COMPANY, YOU CREEP.

And if that was even your original motivation for buying SIP, why didn’t you mention that FIRST, before you started spouting all the “I just want you to be safe” bullshit?

Uuughhhh I hate Christian Grey SO MUCH.

So then Ana starts arguing with Christian about how that’s really bullshit of him to do, but then she calls him an “arse,” even though she has literally NEVER USED THAT WORD BEFORE IN EITHER THIS BOOK OR THE ONE BEFORE IT, but I guess we’re just supposed to think that’s a normal thing for her to say when she’s mad?

So then Christian laughs at her choice of words (because it’s a stupid choice of words), and then suddenly they’re just laughing and everything is fine. What the fuck.

“Just because I have a stupid damn grin on my face doesn’t mean I’m not mad as hell at you,” I mutter breathlessly, trying to suppress my high-school-cheerleader giggling. Though I was never cheerleader–The bitter thought crosses my mind.

…Random high school popularity angst? What even just happened. Why does it matter that Ana wasn’t a cheerleader. Why is she bitter about it. WHO GIVES A SHIT.

 

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