Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 3 [Part 4]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

So I guess the argument is just over now or something? Ana lets Christian into the apartment, and the discussion just…ends. Ana, I know he’s attractive, but when he does something that ridiculous, you can’t just let it go because you want to get it in.

They start flirting, and Christian tells Ana again that he won’t touch her or do anything unless she tells him specifically what to do, which I actually think is a great idea because Ana needs to learn to care about her own wants and needs in the bedroom instead of just doing everything that Christian asks her to do because it’s what Christian wants.

Ana tries to touch Christian, but Christian tells her no, because he’s back to the no-touching-at-all thing, I guess.

“Sometimes you don’t mind,” I observe plaintively. “Perhaps I should find a marker pen, and we could map out the no-go areas.”
He raises an eyebrow. “That’s not a bad idea. Where’s your bedroom?”

…so instead of a gross sex scene we’re going to get Drawing Fun Times? I…I don’t know if that’s an improvement or not.

“Have you been taking your pill?”
Oh shit. My pill.
His face falls at my expression
“No,” I squeak.
“I see,” he says, and his lips press into a thin line. “Come, let’s have something to eat.”

…Or…no even mildly sexy scene at all? Alright?

Also, Ana, you’re dumb. You break up with Christian for 4 days and you just completely lose control of your whole life.

Also, for the love of God, is it really that hard to just use a goddamned condom, Christian? I’m sorry it makes your dick sad, but I guarantee a baby would make your dick even sadder. Stop demanding Ana take birth control when she clearly can’t handle it and has a bad memory and it’s not solely her job to prevent babies from happening anyway?

Ughhhh.

So the two of them leave to go shopping for groceries, because apparently Ana has no food at her apartment. How do you not have any food at your apartment. What.

They get back home and Ana starts cooking and Christian is helping her. While she works, Ana starts thinking about Christian and their relationship, as she always does.

We’ve already done so much together, I blush just thinking about it, and yet I hardly know him.

DING DING DING.

YOU ARE CORRECT.

I would be really happy about this revelation, except it’s a direct contradiction of something Ana said just a chapter or two ago, so it just sounds like bullshit.

Either you know him or you don’t. Fucking pick one.

While cooking, Ana continuously brushes up against Christian, intending to flirt with him and make him all hot and bothered. Christian calls her out on it but she acts like she’s not doing it on purpose.

“If you do that again, Anastasia, I am going to take you on the kitchen floor.”
Oh, wow. It’s working. “You’ll have to beg me first.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“Maybe.”
He puts down his knife and saunters slowly over to me, his eyes burning. Leaning past me, he switches the gas off. The oil in the wok quiets almost immediately.
“I think we’ll eat later,” he says. “Put the chicken in the fridge.”
This is not a sentence I had ever expected to hear from Christian Grey, and only he can make it sound hot, really hot.

blinking

Jesus, he just told you to put the chicken in the fridge. Chill your fucking boner, bro.

So then they go to her bedroom and Christian makes Ana tell him what to do, which is good. Neither person in a relationship should be afraid to tell the other person what they want them to do. This seems like a good exercise to teach Ana that concept.

He undresses her and she starts telling him where to kiss her and stuff. It’s all pretty routine and boring, to be honest.

“What now, Anastasia?”
“Kiss me,” I whisper.
“Where?”
“You know where.”
“Where?”
Oh, he’s taking no prisoners. Embarrassed I quickly point at the apex of my thighs, and he grins wickedly. I close my eyes, mortified, but at the same time beyond aroused.

what tyra

Are

you

serious.

SHE’S TOO SCARED TO EVEN POINT TO HER OWN VAGINA IN CHRISTIAN’S PRESENCE.

WHAT THE FUCK.

SHE CAN’T REFER TO CHERYL HER VAGINA BY NAME. SHE CAN’T EVEN FUCKING POINT TO IT. IT’S LIKE SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE THINKING THAT HER VAGINA EXISTS.

LADIES, ACCEPT YOUR VAGINA. LOVE YOUR VAGINA. EMBRACE YOUR VAGINA.

YOU AND YOUR VAGINA SHOULD BE BUDDIES.

IF YOU ARE EMBARRASSED ABOUT YOUR VAGINA, YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG AND NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

THERE IS NOTHING EMBARRASSING ABOUT OWNING A VAGINA. VAGINAS ARE PRETTY GREAT.

Ana you are so ridiculous I can’t even handle it sometimes.

So Christian goes down on Ana…

Ahhh…it’s only been…how long…? Oh…

I like to think that that “Oh…” is when Ana realizes that it’s only been LESS THAN A GODDAMNED WEEK since she and Christian last had sex, and she realizes that she’s being FUCKING RIDICULOUS because A WEEK ISN’T THAT GODDAMNED LONG.

Ana then undresses Christian and goes down on him in return.

“Fuck,” he hisses.

ARE YOU A FUCKING SNAKE, CHRISTIAN?

How the fuck do you “hiss” the word “fuck.”

THERE’S NO “SS” SOUND IN THE WORD “FUCK.” YOU CAN’T HISS IT, YOU PILE OF FUCKS.

Christian finally tells Ana to stop and puts a condom on and they have sex, except Christian starts off really slow and makes Ana beg him to go faster.

They cum at the same time, just as they always have and always will, and it’s mind-blowing and incredible and amazing, just like literally every other time they’ve ever had sex.

congrats on the sex

[I’ve been waiting to use that gif for forever]

-End of Chapter Three-

Thank god it’s over, my god. That chapter felt so long.

Oh for the love of fuck, the next chapter is 101 pages long on my phone. That one is going to take for fucking ever.

Hur…hurray.

See you Friday!

 

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