Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 4 [Part 3]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

So after their ridiculous ice cream orgasms, they lay in bed talking about their feelings and junk. Gross.

Christian invites Ana to some party thrown by his father that’s apparently tomorrow. Ana is worried that she has nothing to wear, but apparently Christian kept all of the clothes that he bought for her before their break-up, and he says there’s probably some dresses in there that she could wear. This makes Ana mad, because she’s still weird about getting expensive presents from him (although she didn’t give a shit when he gave her the iPad), but she doesn’t want to fight with him, probably because it’s useless because he doesn’t even listen to her when they discuss things or argue.

There’s a really jarring cut to some kind of dream sequence where Ana meets the creepy stalker girl again. There was no mention that she was going to sleep or anything, and not that you need to set up dream sequences, but this one just felt badly placed and the transition (or lack there of) was uncomfortable and weird, and that was probably the point but I just don’t think it was executed well.

In the dream, Ana looks exactly like the creepy stalker girl, and they start talking about god knows what, and it’s all weird and unimportant and I don’t give a shit but apparently it scares Ana so bad that she wakes up screaming next to Christian.

Ana tells Christian about the dream, and about the creepy stalker dude, and Christian gets super weird about it.

I sense some plot twists in our future!

“Do you know who she is?”
“Yes.” He runs a hand through his hair.
“Who?”
His mouth presses into a hard line, but he says nothing.
“Why?” I press.
“It’s Leila.”

SEE, YOU GUYS! PLOT TWIST! IT’S LEILA! BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING!

Except wait. Who the fuck is Leila.

OH. Apparently Leila is an ex-submissive of Christian’s (WOW WHAT A SHOCKER, DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING 60 MILES AWAY) that was mentioned for a nanosecond towards the end of the last book. Apparently we’re supposed to remember that happening, but just in case we don’t (because it’s impossible to remember that shit), Ana recaps it for us.

Christian doesn’t say anything else, and suddenly he’s on the phone with people, telling them about Ana’s Leila sighting.

“What is it” I ask softly.
He shakes his head.
“You’re not going to tell me?”
He sighs and closes his eyes. “No.”
“Why?”
“Because it shouldn’t concern you. I don’t want you tangled up in this.”

Dude, this girl fucking stalked Ana. It already DOES concern her. I know you want to protect your weak little woman-property, but just fucking tell her, jesus.

Christian finally decides to tell Ana (after she basically says to him what I just said to you), and it turns out that while Christian was in Georgia, Leila turned up at Christian’s apartment and made a scene in front of his housekeeper.

“She made a haphazard attemtp to open a vein.”

Jesus christ. Shit just got real.

I guess then Leila was checked into a hospital, but discharged herself before Christian could get there, because apparently Christian is the only one who can fix things, particularly when they involve women.

So basically Christian thinks Leila is suicidal and wants to find her but can’t, even though he’s the best stalker in the history of ever, which must mean that Leila is a fucking ninja.

Oh, also apparently Leila is married and has been married for 2 years.

What.

This is actually really interesting. WHY COULDN’T THIS HAVE HAPPENED LAST BOOK. There was literally zero plot last book! I didn’t give a shit about a single thing that happened! I mean, this is all very cliché and Lifetime Original Movie kind of stuff, but still! SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.

WE HAVE A PLOT. I REPEAT. WE. HAVE. A. PLOT.

Ugh, jesus christ, and then they go have sex again. Thankfully we’re not forced to read about it.

Ana wakes up later and admires Christian for awhile, secretly touching his chest, before finally he wakes up as well. They have sex again, although the book thankfully skips over it a second time. Thank the lord.

Afterwards, Ana asks Christian about his exercise habits, and he talks about his personal trainer and how Ana should start meeting with him. Apparently Ana isn’t “fit” enough for Christian, because he wants to have all kinds of crazy sex with her and she can’t handle it or something.

Then Ana says something about how she wants to get a haircut and go buy a car, and Christian reveals that he had Taylor drop of Ana’s Audi last night.

“What do you mean, it’s here?” Boy. I sound angry. Crap. I am angry. My subconscious glares at him. How dare he!

blinking

I’m…not sure I see what the problem is?

I mean, before, she was mad because all his presents made her feel like a prostitute and I could understand that, but then she accepted the car, and now he’s just giving it back to her, and I don’t get why she’s so pissed?

I mean, you could just say “Christian, that’s not the car I want, I want to pick one out for myself,” but that would be sensible, and Ana is the opposite of sensible.

Then Ana hands Christian the check that he gave her when she asked him for the money he got when he sold her old car, and she says she wants to buy the car from him. Which apparently makes him…furious.

Why are they getting so mad at each other for no reason! What the fuck!

And then he literally just says “End of discussion, Anastasia. Don’t push me.”

WAY TO THREATEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND, ASSHOLE. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, BEAT HER WITH A BELT AGAIN?

Ana then takes the check and rips it up and throws it in the garbage as revenge? Except then Christian just calls his accountant and has him put the money from the check ($24,000) directly into her bank account, because apparently he can just do that?

“And how do you know my account number?”
My ire takes Christian by surprise.
“I know everything about you, Anastasia,” he says quietly.

you just know he's gonna kill you

Jesus fucking christ. The creepiness of this man knows no bounds. Ana needs to get a fucking restraining order, for the love of fuck.

AND THEN THEY JUST START FUCKING MAKING OUT. WHAT THE FUCK.

THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE.

Then they go out and have breakfast, because Christian is out of condoms so they can’t have sex (thank. god.). Ana ends up picking up the check and paying for breakfast, and Christian survives, even though he told her before that this kind of thing was “completely emasculating.”

Christian takes Ana to a place to get her haircut, a place that he owns, because apparently he owns fucking everything. Everyone who works at the salon is blonde, of course, because everyone who isn’t Ana has blonde fucking hair. That’s realistic.

Then some new blonde woman walks out, and she’s like Super-Blonde-Woman, all gorgeous and awesome, and she looks to be about 40.

…please tell me this is who I think it is.

Christian goes over and greets Super-Blonde, and she kisses him on both cheeks…

Then it hits me like a wrecking ball, and I know, deep down in my gut on a visceral leve, I know who it is. It’s her. Stunning, older, beautiful.
It’s Mrs. Robinson.

dramatic chipmunk

DUM BUM BUMMMM

-End of Chapter Four-

So I summarized a lot towards the end there, but I just really wanted this awful chapter over with. Jesus.

See you Wednesday!

And again, if you have any questions, feel free to ask them using my Caitlin Liveblogs tumblr, which can be found under the Got Questions page up there. Some people have already asked some interesting questions or made interesting comments, so be sure to check those out too!

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One thought on “Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 4 [Part 3]

  1. So I’m confused. If I were to write a check, then rip it up, nothing would happen. I wouldn’t have to place the money back into my account. This is how it is for some other people I know, also. Is there a bank or credit union where you need to give your account number to place the un-cashed check back into your account?

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