Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 7 [Part 3]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

So then Christian comes out to find Ana and is really confused because Ana is suddenly all pissed off at him now? And they start glaring at each other? Because of reasons?

“Look, I know you’re tied up with her financially, forgive the pun, but–“I stop. What am I asking him to do? Give her up? Stop seeing her? Can I do that? “I need the restroom.”

Way to avoid the confrontation there, Ana.

I mean, you CAN ask him to stop seeing her, but that’s kind of shitty. Or maybe it isn’t. I mean, she’s an important part of his life, and is basically his only friend…idk. I’m really conflicted about this whole problem.

When Ana comes back from the bathroom, she finds Christian on the phone.

“Well, leave her alone…This is the first regular relationship I’ve ever had, and I don’t want you jeopardizing it through some misplaced concern for me. Leave. Her. Alone. I mean it, Elena.”

Well, I guess it’s good that Christian is respecting Ana’s wishes on the matter.

They go back out to the dance floor, and Christian’s adoptive father, Carrick, immediately asks Ana to dance.

He thanks her for her contribution to the charity, and they talk briefly about Christian.

Ugh we had like two pages of actual conflict and then it’s just straight back to boring-town.

Except Carrick does reveal this piece of information:

“My wife was the doctor on duty when the police brought him in. He was skin and bones, and badly dehydrated. He wouldn’t speak. […] In fact, he didn’t speak for nearly two years. It was playing the piano that eventually brought him out of himself.”

Alright so that’s mildly interesting. But not really unexpected. Being raised by a crack-whore will do that to a kid.

Later, there’s a fireworks display, and Ana wastes a bunch of our time describing it. I know what fireworks look like, thanks. You’re not giving me any new information about anything.

And then we get a bunch of boring pages of them saying goodbye to everyone in Christian’s family. Again, no new information is revealed. We could have cut these pages down to just “We said goodbye to Christian’s family, got in the car, and left.” That gives about as much information as all this bullshit does. All the hugging and “come again”s and whatever.

Christian then reveals that Dr. Greene, the OB/GYN, is coming to visit tomorrow to sort Ana out.

“Why?”
“Because I hate condoms,” he says quietly.

FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.

“It’s my body,” I mutter, annoyed that he hasn’t asked me.

standing ovation

THANK YOU. YES. YES IT IS YOUR BODY. AND NO ONE CAN TELL YOU WHAT TO DO WITH IT BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO YOU AND NO ONE ELSE.

“It’s mine too,” he whispers.

grumpy cat

I gaze up at him as various guests pass by, ignoring us. He looks so earnest. Yes, my body is his…he knows it better than I do.

FUCK THIS SHIT 2

GOD

FUCKING

DAMMIT.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST TELL YOU.

IT’S YOUR BODY.

NO ONE ELSES.

HE DOESN’T GET TO DICTATE WHAT YOU DO TO IT. WHAT GOES IN IT, ON IT, AROUND IT, NOTHING.

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO USE BIRTH CONTROL, THAT’S FINE. HE ISN’T ALLOWED TO DEMAND THAT YOU USE BIRTH CONTROL SOLELY BECAUSE CONDOMS MAKE HIS DICK FEEL LESS AWESOME.

FUCK THAT NOISE.

FUCK THIS WHOLE BOOK.

FUCK CHRISTIAN GREY.

FUCK EVERYTHING.

But don’t literally fuck Christian Grey because he’s a piece of shit.

Then Ana gets a note that was delivered by one of the staff? Oop, it’s a note from Mrs. Robinson, saying that Ana has “misjudged” her and if Ana ever wants to talk she’d be happy to get lunch with her sometime. She then reiterates her threat from before, that if Ana hurts Christian again Mrs. Robinson will fuck Ana up. Omg and the note is even signed Mrs. Robinson. That’s actually really awesome. 4 points for Mrs. Robinson.

When they get home, they find out that the tires on Ana’s car have been slashed and paint has been thrown all over it? That’s actually pretty interesting. I guess Leila supposedly did it. Taylor wants Christian and Ana to wait so Taylor and the rest of the security team can make sure the “perp” isn’t in the apartment.

Of course, Christian decides he wants to be part of the fun, and just goes into the apartment to check it out.

-End of Chapter Seven-

Oh my goddd PLEASE CHRISTIAN, GET YOURSELF MURDERED. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

It won’t happen though. Nothing bad ever actually happens in this book. Because they live in a perfect world where it’s possible to make $100,000 an hour and to get full-time jobs right out of college with an English degree. Nothing bad ever really happens to anyone, it seems.

See y’all on Friday!

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