Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 9 [Part 1]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.] 

RECAP: Christian goes charging into his apartment to check if Leila is there, even though if she IS there she probably has a gun and could kill his ass. He comes back safe, of course. They go to bed, and when Ana wakes up, Christian isn’t there and she thinks she sees a woman all in black at the foot of her bed, but it’s gone right away so Ana assumes she’s hallucinating. Ana goes to find Christian, who’s on the phone with Mrs. Robinson telling her to leave Ana alone. They start having sexy times, but when they get back to the bedroom they find the balcony door open, and neither of them left it open. They assume Leila broke in, so Christian takes Ana to a nearby hotel. On the way there, Ana asks Christian about his past, but he doesn’t tell her anything. We also find out that Ana knows how to use a gun. They get up to the hotel room (which I’m sure cost at least 1 minute of Christian’s time to pay for), and immediately start drinking. Christian calls Ana a “strong woman” because she didn’t run away yet. Sexy times start happening again, and Ana is all dominant and in charge, because apparently she drank a magical potion when we weren’t looking that gave her self confidence. They finish boning 2 minutes later and fall asleep.

In the morning, after breakfast. Dr. Greene, Ana’s OB/GYN comes to visit and tells Ana she might be pregnant. Unfortunately, Ana is NOT pregnant, which is a bummer because I was really looking forward to something ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENING. Ana is, of course, more scared of Christian’s reaction than of the responsibility of having a child. Later, when Ana is in a weird mood because of the pregnancy scare, Christian admits that he doesn’t know how to react and says that he’d usually “beat it out” of her, but he knows she doesn’t want that. They go take a shower together and it’s all overly dramatic and they talk about their feelings and Ana cries a bunch and Christian finally admits that he loves Ana.

YOU TWO HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOUR GODDAMNED MONTHS. HAVING SEX EVERY 20 MINUTES DOES NOT MEAN YOU’RE IN LOVE.

Anyway.

Let’s hope this chapter is more interesting!

-Chapter Nine-

I reach up to clasp his dear, dear, handsome face and kiss him gently, pouring all the love I feel into this one sweet connection.

God, it’s like a Lifetime Original Movie on steroids. Ugh.

And then Ana starts drying Christian with a towel, and he’s okay with her touching his chest/back with a towel, just not with her hands?

And then Ana takes Christian’s hand and uses that and a towel to dry him off? I’m so confused. What is happening. Is this a big step for him? I mean, I guess it is, but it just seems unnecessarily complicated.

Ugh and then they have sex. We don’t have to read about it though, thank goodness.

Afterwards, they start talking about the first time they boned, when Christian “robbed” Ana of her “virtue.”

“And it means you’re mine, completely.”

NOPE.

HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE DOES NOT MARK THEM AS ONE OF YOUR POSSESSIONS, CONTRARY TO WHAT MEDIEVAL MARRIAGE CUSTOMS MIGHT HAVE YOU BELIEVE.

This book IS set in the 21st century, right?

Ana asks Christian if he knows who his father was, but Christian doesn’t know. He knows it’s not his mother’s pimp, though.

“The pimp discovered the crack whore’s body and phoned it in to the authorities. Took him four days to make the discovery though. He shut the door when he left…left me with her…her body.”

I’m not quoting that bit to make fun of it, I’m quoting it because it’s probably valuable information for y’alls to know. Doesn’t really explain Christian’s need to beat women, but it does explain why he’s got so many problems.

Then Christian says he wants to show Ana something out in the fresh air, and demands that she dry her hair because he doesn’t want her to get sick. Isn’t that an old wives tale? Also…isn’t it summer? Like, the middle of July? I know it doesn’t get super hot in Seattle, but it can’t be THAT cold, can it?

Christian drags a large, cream, cable-knit sweater out of his bag and drapes it artfully over his shoulders. Which his white T-shirt and jeans, his artfully rumpled hair, and now this, he looks as if he’s stepped out of the pages of a high-end glossy magazine.

…Or he just looks like Mr. Stock-Photo Soul-Patch over here:

Then we get several paragraphs of Ana’s feelings for Christian.

We will find a middle way. We just have to recognize each other’s needs and accommodate them.

yes signs

YES.

I’M LOOKING AT YOU, CHRISTIAN GREY.

No more of this “ignoring all of Ana’s concerns even when they’re perfectly valid” business.

They go and get Christian’s car from the valet. Christian gives the valet an “obscenely large tip,” and Ana frowns at him for doing so. For tipping a guy. I don’t even…WHY IS IT BAD TO GIVE SOMEONE A REALLY NICE TIP. IT’S COUNTED AS PART OF THEIR SALARY AND THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH A LOT OF SHITTY PEOPLE SO YOU SHOULD BE NICE TO THEM. BAD TIPPERS ARE BAD PEOPLE 100% OF THE TIME.

(or, if they’re not “bad people,” they’re at the very least incapable of empathizing with someone else’s situation and don’t see service workers as “worthy” of their money. Which makes them bad people, actually. Or maybe they’re just completely ignorant of what it’s like to work in a service job, in which case they need to be educated.)

(I have very little sympathy for bad tippers. In case you haven’t noticed.)

(unless your server spit in your food right in front of your face, chances are you should give them at least a %15 tip. Just saying.)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s