Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 11 [Part 3]

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I’m so fucking done with this chapter.

So.

Fucking.

Done.

Christian sends Ana this email:

I am just protecting what is mine.
The e-mail that you so rashly sent is wiped from the SIP server now, as are my e-mails to you.
Incidentally, I trust you implicitly. It’s him I don’t trust.

Okay, fine, Christian, you can not trust Jack. He’s not a trustworthy dude. But it’s not your fucking job to tell Ana what she can and can’t do, and Ana isn’t your fucking property. You’re a goddamned shitstain on the crotch of Literature’s underwear. You’re a shitty person, a shitty character, and you don’t deserve popularity, you don’t deserve adoration, you don’t deserve all the fucking excuses people make for you, you don’t deserve a movie deal, you don’t deserve anything but to be forgotten and buried in the bowels of the earth.

Christian Grey is a piece of shit who treats women like property yet claims to love them. If you think he’s a perfect man, I beg you to reconsider.

Ana replies:

Christian
I don’t need protecting from my own boss.
He may make a pass at me, but I shall say no.
You cannot interfere. It’s wrong and controlling on so many levels.

STOP USING YOUR FUCKING WORK EMAIL, YOU FUCKHEAD.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Although I will say that you’re completely right in that last sentence.

However you actually might need protecting from your own boss, considering the fact that he’s a goddamned creep.

What you should be getting mad about is the fact that Christian is treating you like a fucking piece of property instead of a human being, but it seems like you enjoy that aspect of your relationship.

Christian emails Ana back and seems to have some knowledge about Jack’s past, and tells Ana to ask about what happened to Jack’s previous personal assistants. Christian also brings up the fact that Ana couldn’t fight off José when he tried to kiss her, which is true, but it’s kind of shitty because Christian makes it sound like that incident was Ana’s fault.

I mean, I get that Christian is worried about Ana with good reason. But telling her she’s not allowed to go is fucking ridiculous. Send someone with her to watch over her, or hell, come with yourself, but don’t tell her she can’t take a really amazing opportunity because you don’t want someone touching your stuff. She’s not your property. She can make her own decisions, because she’s a fucking adult.

They finally decide to discuss this problem more tonight.

Then, Jack comes back from his meeting and asks Ana to go get him some lunch from a deli nearby.

Who called it! I called it. Now Ana has to leave, and she told Christian she wouldn’t, and how much do you want to bet that Christian will flip the fuck out at her for this?

So she goes, and she feels like she’s being watched, but she makes it back without incident. When she gets back, she learns that she’s going to have to work late, since she’s no longer going with Jack to New York. Ana is sure Christian will freak out about this, too. I’m sure he will, because he freaks out about FUCKING EVERYTHING.

OH SHIT AND THEN CHRISTIAN CALLS ANA AND HE KNOWS THAT SHE WENT OUT.

JESUS, IS HE FUCKING WATCHING HER?

Ana tells him he’s suffocating her, and I guess that offends him and he gets sad or something. I don’t fucking care. He’s a goddamned creep.

So Ana stays late at work, and Jack is the only one left in the office, and he’s REALLY CREEPY to her and talks to her “like a wounded animal,” and I feel actually uncomfortable about this. He fucking tucks a strand of hair behind her ear! GROSS. Stop touching her you fucking weirdo. And then he asks her to go out for a drink with him, but she refuses, thank JESUS. Jack starts asking Ana what her boyfriend does, and she tells him that Christian is “in business” but doesn’t give him a whole lot of details. He asks what Christian’s last name is, and when she tells him, he’s all shocked and is all weird and kind of angry about it. Jack then leaves, walking “stiffly” back to his office and not looking back at Ana.

That was…weird.

Christian picks Ana up, and the mood between them is sort of tense, but they both seem pretty exhausted by the fight at this point. But then they start making out so whatever, i guess they’re fine now, even though Christian is a piece of shit.

UGHH now they’re having sex in the elevator.

STOP. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE SEX EVERY 5 FUCKING SECONDS.

WHY. WHY AM I READING THIS. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. WHO SAID THIS WAS OKAY.

Oh, and of course, Christian just “magically” has a condom ready. Because I guess he’s just always ready to go, horny bastard.

And he just fucking “disintegrates” the crotch of her panties with his fingers! IS YOUR UNDERWEAR MADE OF RICE PAPER?

They finish, and go up to Christian’s apartment to have dinner. After eating, they start discussing their fight.

“You really have to let me fight my own battles. You can’t constantly second-guess me and try to protect me. It’s stifling, Christian. I’ll never flourish with your incessant interference. I need some freedom.”

standing ovation

AND THEN THEY START HAVING A FRANK AND HONEST DISCUSSION ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS.

WHAT IS HAPPENING.

DID WE JUST ENTER AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE?!

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO EVEN SAY.

THIS IS KIND OF FREAKING ME OUT.

And then Ana says that if Christian leaves her work affairs alone, she’ll agree to move in with him. Which I think is a horrible idea, but alright?

“I know you well enough, Christian. Nothing you tell me about yourself will frighten me away.”

are you serious

NOPE. Nope. Big old bucket of nope. You’ve known him for maybe 5 weeks. You’re stupid.

Also, when he tells you all about how many people he’s murdered, MAYBE that might frighten you away.

There is no way Christian isn’t a serial killer. The man is a fucking psycho.

Then Christian and Ana start telling each other how much they love each other and it’s all stupid and gross.

Except then Taylor comes in and announces that apparently Mrs. Robinson is on her way up to the apartment?

That’s….good.

-End of Chapter Eleven-

I guess we’ll have to wait and see what Elena has to say on Monday!

Please, god, let her and Ana fight. All I want is a fucking brawl. It would almost make this pile of shit book worth it.

GOSH DANGIT this chapter was infuriating. I need a goddamned drink.

See you Monday! Hopefully! Maybe! Unless I forget what day it is again!

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One thought on “Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 11 [Part 3]

  1. Thank you for this wonderful review! I bought the first book, reluctantly, but so many people (women) told me how great it was. So I read it. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Damn, and I payed for this shit. I went through all your reactions, the disbelief, the anger, the frustration, the speechlessness. Still I wanted to know the end. Unfortunately I am veeery keen on ends and thus very disappointed to learn the book ends with a cliffhanger.
    I thought, maybe the translation was so bad, so I read the next one in English. I’m not a native speaker but this is so horribly bad written *urgh*. The translation was perfect…
    I read the last book as well (you will have a lot of fun with that too), but it was a very fast read as I skipped all sex and inner goddess scenes, the biting on her lips and his just fucked hair. I celebrated that there is no 50 Shades IV…

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