Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 12 [Part 2]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

“And that reminds me. If you’re going to leave your office, let me know. Sawyer was there, watching you. It seems I can’t trust you to look after yourself at all.” He scowls down at me, making me feel like an errant child–again.

annoyed with paper

YUP BECAUSE WHEN YOU’RE IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, YOUR PARTNER SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A CHILD CONSTANTLY.

SHE LEFT HER FUCKING OFFICE FOR A COUPLE MINUTES, CHRISTIAN.

IF LEILA REALLY WANTS TO SHOOT ANA BADLY ENOUGH THAT SHE’LL DO IT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A DELI, I DOUBT HAVING A SECURITY GUARD WITH HER WOULD HELP HER OUT MUCH.

HOW DOES “LEAVING HER OFFICE BECAUSE SHE WAS ORDERED TO BY HER BOSS” EQUAL “NOT LOOKING AFTER HERSELF.”

WHAT WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO DO? “OH, HOLD ON JACK, I HAVE TO CALL MY BOYFRIEND TO MAKE SURE IT’S ALRIGHT FOR ME TO LEAVE THE BUILDING FOR 2 FUCKING SECONDS BECAUSE APPARENTLY I’M A FUCKING TODDLER WHO ISN’T ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING ON MY OWN.”

FUCK. THIS.

“Seems I can’t trust you either,” I mutter. “You could have told me Sawyer was watching me.”
“Do you want to fight about that, too?” he snaps.
“I wasn’t aware we were fighting. I thought we were communicating,” I mumble petulantly.

YUP THIS IS THE HEALTHIEST RELATIONSHIP POSSIBLE.

When Christian brings up something Ana did wrong, she’s just supposed to sit there and take it, apparently. But when ANA brings up something CHRISTIAN did wrong, suddenly it’s a fucking argument and HOW DARE ANA BRING UP SOMETHING THAT CHRISTIAN MAYBE SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER ABOUT.

I’M PRETTY SURE “HAVING YOUR GIRLFRIEND SECRETLY WATCHED” IS ON THE LIST OF “THINGS YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND.”

Can we ever have a normal conversation without it disintegrating into an argument? It’s exhausting.

IT’S CALLED YOU SHOULD FUCKING BREAK UP WITH HIM BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

We just don’t know each other that well. Do I really want to move in with him?

NOPE. YOU DON’T. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.

Christian goes to “do work,” whatever that means. I’m still not really sure what Christian even does. All I know is that he has a lot of meetings and buys companies at random and somehow makes $100,000 an hour. Because that’s a thing that makes sense and can happen in real life. Yup. Definitely realistic.

Ana decides to call Ray, her step dad, but we don’t get a transcript of the conversation. Ray asks about how things are with Christian, and Ana just blatantly lies and says everything is fine, which is stupid because she clearly needs advice and she should say “Hey, dad, Christian asked me to move in with him but I don’t know if it’s the right time. I care about him a lot, but I don’t know if we know each other well enough yet.” And then Ray could give some solid advice, because Ray seems like a good person, and I don’t know how he raised such a stupid, spineless person, but whatever.

Ana changes for bed, but decides to go read a book in Christian’s library, which is also where the pool table is. She finds the ruler that he used to spank her with still there, and tests it out on her palm. Not surprisingly, it hurts.

Why can’t I take a little more pain for my man?

are you fucking kidding me zoom

EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN HOW THIS BOOK ISN’T GLORIFYING ABUSE.

“BUT IT’S CONSENSUAL!”

NO IT’S NOT CONSENSUAL BECAUSE SHE CLEARLY DOESN’T ENJOY IT AND ONLY DOES IT BECAUSE HE LIKES IT AND IN MY MIND THAT’S NOT REALLY “CONSENSUAL.”

IT’S ALSO NOT CONSENSUAL BECAUSE SHE’S FUCKING TERRIFIED OF HIM.

Ana settles down to read some old classic novel because she’s a special snowflake/quirky girl and is just so “unique” and isn’t anything like all those “other girls” who only read magazines. How special and interesting her life must be.

Ana falls asleep reading, and wakes up to Christian finding her and carrying her to bed. She wakes up again around 2 AM, after a nondescript nightmare about something scary at the end of the bed, and hears piano music coming from the great room.

WOW IT’S LIKE WE’VE ALREADY SEEN THIS EXACT SCENE LIKE 40 TIMES BEFORE.

[well, maybe it was only once. Or twice. I know it’s happened at least once, but I feel like it’s a more common occurrence than that.]

Ana goes to talk to him, and they start talking about why they fight, except they immediately stop having an actual discussion and instead start having sexy times.

For the love of GOD can you two PLEASE just COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS instead of FUCKING EACH OTHER EVERY 15 GODDAMNED MINUTES.

Oh god they’re going to have sex on the piano.

Why are they having sex on the piano.

Why is this happening.

He kisses me…there…Oh boy…then gently blows before his tongue circles my clitoris.

REFER

TO

YOUR

GODDAMNED

VAGINA

BY

NAME.

FUCK.

Also, I don’t even know where “there” is! Is he kissing her labia? Her actual vaginal opening? Above her clitoris?

THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS DOWN “THERE.” CHERYL YOUR VAGINA IS A COMPLEX PLACE. YOU CAN’T JUST SAY “THERE” AND EXPECT US TO KNOW WHERE HE’S KISSING YOU.

Also, why the FUCK can you say “clitoris” without batting an eye, but “vagina” is just TOO MUCH for you.

Fuck this entire book. The entire fucking thing.

So then Christian starts to get Ana off, but stops before she climaxes, which is frustrating for her.

“This is my revenge, Ana,” he growls softly. “Argue with me, and I am going to take it out on your body somehow.”

go fuck yourself

GODDAMMIT.

GOD DAMN EVERYTHING.

THIS IS SO, SO FUCKED UP.

SHE’S NOT ALLOWED TO ARGUE WITH HIM, OR ELSE HE’LL PUNISH HER SOMEHOW.

SHE’S NOT ALLOWED TO VOICE HER FEELINGS OR EXPRESS ANY KIND OF FRUSTRATION WITH HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN’T LIKE IT AND WILL PUNISH HER FOR IT.

THIS IS LITERALLY A TEXTBOOK ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

IT’S NOT A CONSENSUAL RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE IF SHE “ARGUES” WITH HIM HE’LL “PUNISH HER”.

THIS

IS

ABUSE.

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