Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 12 [Part 3]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

 Thankfully, we don’t have to read about the rest of that awful sex scene. That poor, poor piano…

They go to bed, wake up, and immediately start talking about Christian’s childhood. We don’t learn any new information, other than the fact that he remembers “the crack whore” baking him a birthday cake, and he remembers his adoptive parents bringing home Mia.

Wow. Stunning character development. Really learned a lot about him here.

[sarcasm. so much sarcasm.]

Taylor drives Ana and Christian to work. On the way there, Ana remembers that Kate’s brother, Ethan, who’s moving in to their apartment, is arriving today, although she doesn’t know when. Christian is very strict and tells her she’s not allowed to go out alone, but that Sawyer, one of the other security people, will drive her to go meet Ethan at whatever time.

Christian also tells Ana to only email him on her blackberry, so she’s not using her work email, which she should have been doing already but whatever.

Or, and maybe this is just a crazy concept, but MAYBE Ana shouldn’t be emailing her goddamned boyfriend while at work.

WHAT A CRAZY IDEA.

Then Christian gets a call from Elena. Apparently there’s some really silly and reasonable explanation for the blackmailing episode. It sounds like Elena’s current sub set it up as some sort of scene or something for the bedroom? I don’t really know. It’s never explained, that’s just what I’m getting from the bits of conversation that we get from Christian’s end of things.

When Ana gets to work, Jack starts off being instantly creepy, and compliments her dress. He then asks her to get him some coffee. She goes into the kitchen and ends up talking to one of the other girls who works at the office for like 10 minutes, because apparently Ana doesn’t know how to stay on task. When she brings Jack his coffee, he snaps at her and asks what took her so long. He immediately apologizes though, and calls her “honey.”

Ugh. I want to vomit.  If there’s one thing E.L. James has done well in this book it’s that she wrote one of the slimiest characters in the history of ever. Gross.

Ana heads back to her desk and proceeds to not do ANY work, and instead emails Christian a whole bunch.

After running out and grabbing Jack lunch from the deli again (this time she takes Sawyer, her security guard, with her), Jack asks Ana if she’s free to go out for a drink tonight. Ana says she’s got a friend coming in from out of town, so she can’t.

Excuses like that will only work for so long, Ana. It’d be better if you told him straight up that you didn’t feel comfortable going out for drinks with your boss because it seems unprofessional or something. If he doesn’t back off, call HR. If he’s being creepy, you have every right to tell him to back off, and if he doesn’t respect your wishes and/or treats you badly because of it, call HR and get his ass written up and/or fired.

Ethan calls Ana, and they decide to meet up in about 45 minutes.

Ana emails Christian to tell him, except she uses her work email because she’s a fucking idiot. Christian says he’ll come pick her up and they’ll meet Ethan and go out for dinner together.

Ethan comes to pick up keys to the apartment so he can start moving his stuff in. Jack is seen creepily watching from the corner. Ana goes back to work.

Christian comes to pick Ana up. Jack calls Ana “Honey” again when he says goodbye. Fucking creep.

They go to Ana’s apartment. Christian gets a phone call, so he stays in the car to talk while Ana goes to get Ethan from inside.

I step into the apartment, and I don’t know why, but I freeze instinctively as soon as I step inside. I take a moment to realize it’s because the pale, wan figure standing by the kitchen island, holding a small revolver is Leila, and she’s gazing impassively at me.

dramatic chipmunk

-End of Chapter Twelve-

That last “suspense” sentence, about Leila, is unnecessarily long and ridiculous. But I guess it gets the job done? I don’t know.

But anyway.

Oh shit, Leila’s back!

FUCKING SHOOT ALL OF THEM LEILA.

THE REST OF THE BOOK IS ALL ABOUT LEILA GETTING HER SHIT TOGETHER AND GOING TO JAIL.

FIFTY SHADES OF LEILA BEING WAY FUCKING BETTER THAN ANA AND CHRISTIAN COMBINED.

Anyway.

See you on Wednesday! Hopefully someone gets shot in the next chapter!

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