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Ethan asks Ana if she wants to go grab a drink, and she agrees.
Ana tells Taylor where they’re going, and Taylor is weird about it, because Christian said he wanted Ana to go back to his apartment. Ana argues that since they know where Leila is now, all the security is a little unnecessary, and Taylor finally lets it go. Ana realizes that she doesn’t have her purse, but Ethan offers to pay, so she leaves without it.
I bet you all the money in Christian’s bank account that Christian will FLIP THE FUCK OUT over this.
They go out to the bar, and Ana tells Ethan a little more about the situation, leaving out all of the BDSM details. Ana continues to worry about what Christian and Leila are doing back at the apartment, because apparently she thinks Christian is the kind of guy who would have sex with his mentally unstable ex-sub in his current girlfriend’s apartment.
She’s disturbed and Christian cares about her, that’s all this is, I rationalize. But in the back of my mind, my subconscious is shaking her head sadly.
It’s more than that. Leila was able to fulfill his needs in a way I cannot. The thought is depressing.
I think you’re confused about what the word “need” means, Ana.
A NEED is something that you REQUIRE TO SURVIVE.
A WANT is something that you ENJOY DOING.
Christian doesn’t hit women because he REQUIRES IT TO SURVIVE, Christian hits women because HE FUCKING LIKES HITTING WOMEN.
You’re not fucking starving him or something. Oh, boo hoo, he can’t hit you as hard as he would like to. That poor, poor man, how will he ever survive?
So anyway, apparently this bar is right across the street from the apartment, so they can see the apartment through the windows. A really expensive car rolls up to the apartment, and out steps Dr. Flynn, Christian’s therapist. Then, Christian comes out carrying Leila, who is wrapped in a blanket. They all climb into the car and drive away.
Ana asks Ethan to buy her something stronger, and she asks him to get her a brandy.
Honey, I would have been drinking straight whiskey a long time ago. You got threatened with a gun, I think you’ve earned a few hard drinks.
Lol and then Ethan says “Come on, Steele. Let’s get drunk.”
Seriously, this guy is the best. I mean, everyone is the best compared to stupid Christian, but Ethan sounds like an actually great guy. Why the FUCK hasn’t Ana dated him before?
Later, Ethan walks Ana back to Christian’s apartment, because they’re locked out of their own apartment. Ethan has a place to stay at a friend’s house, so he leaves Ana to fend for herself against Christian.
When she gets up to the apartment, she finds Christian on the phone. Of course.
“She’s here,” he snaps. He turns to glare at me as he switches off his phone. “Where the fuck have you been?” he growls but doesn’t make a move toward me.
WHAT THE FUCK CHRISTIAN. SHE TOLD TAYLOR WHERE SHE WAS GOING. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. CALM THE FUCK DOWN, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO.
“Have you been drinking?” he asks, appalled.
UuuuggghhhhHHHHH YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE. YOU’RE STUPID GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH TODAY. JUST KISS HER AND GO TO BED. YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS.
But then Ana calls him out and says “I went for a drink or three with Ethan while you attended to your ex. I didn’t know how long you were going to be…with her.”
BOOM. SUCK THAT DICK CHRISTIAN.
And then suddenly Christian magically turns back into Perfect Boyfriend and is all concerned about Ana’s feelings and starts asking her what’s wrong.
“I’m no good for you.”
“What?” He breathes, his eyes widening in alarm. “Why do you think that? How can you possibly think that?”
“I can’t be everything you need.”
“You are everything I need.”
AGAIN, ANA. THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “NEED” AND “WANT.”
IF YOU THINK HE “NEEDS” TO BEAT WOMEN TO FEEL HAPPY, THEN YOU SHOULD GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM BECAUSE THAT’S FUCKING SCARY. YOU SHOULDN’T BE SO SAD BECAUSE YOU CAN’T LET HIM BEAT YOU LIKE HE WANTS TO.
THIS IS SO FUCKED UP.
Christian reaches for Ana, but Ana pulls away, and suddenly Christian thinks Ana’s leaving him again. So then he starts panicking and saying that he loves her and she says she loves him too, and she starts trying to say that she just needs time to process this, which I think is wise, considering how fast this stupid relationship has been moving.
“No,” he breathes, his eyes wide with panic, and suddenly he drops to his knees in front of me, head bowed, long-fingered hands spread out on his thighs. He takes a deep breath and doesn’t move.
Oh for the love of fuck.
“Christian! What are you doing?” My voice is high-pitched. He doesn’t move. “Christian, look at me!” I command in panic.
His head sweeps up without hesitation, and he regards me passively with his cool gray gaze–he’s almost serene…expectant.
Holy Fuck…Christian. The submissive.
-End of Chapter Thirteen-
Are you fucking kidding me.
Apparently, according to this book, being a submissive is a mental illness, or is some kind of reflex that happens when you get stressed. It’s like playing possum, or how turtles pull their heads and limbs into their shells when they’re scared. Apparently, being a submissive is an instinctual response.
Being a submissive is a CONSCIOUS CHOICE. It means different things to different people, and every submissive is going to approach things differently, and every relationship is going to be different.
Being submissive is not a MENTAL CONDITION, OR AN INSTINCTUAL RESPONSE TO FEAR/ANXIETY/STRESS/ETC. People are not BORN submissive. People CHOOSE to be submissive.
The idea that once you’re a submissive you’re just constantly waiting to fill that role again is ridiculous. This entire chapter is ridiculous. This isn’t how BDSM works in real life. This isn’t how PEOPLE work in real life.
I just…I don’t even know what to say anymore.
I guess we’ll have to wait and see what Christian does in chapter 14. It’ll probably infuriate me even more.