Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 14 [Part 1]

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Still not over how awful the last chapter was.

Let’s hope this chapter is just as bad!

I’m sure it won’t disappoint us in that regard.

RECAP: Ana walks into her apartment and finds Leila standing in her kitchen holding a gun. Apparently having a mental breakdown turns you into some kind of alien who doesn’t understand simple English, and Leila proceeds to talk weird for the entirety of the encounter. Ana starts making tea, as if that will make everything better. Leila doesn’t want any, though, and proceeds to talk weird while not pointing the gun at Ana. Christian bursts in and magically fixing the situation by basically telling Leila to sit, like she’s a dog. She assumes the “submissive” pose (on her knees, head bent) and drops the gun, a gun which she apparently never really intended to use anyway. Christian orders Ana to leave, while he stays alone with Leila in the apartment. Ana decides that this means that Christian is cheating on her with Leila or something, and goes out for a drink with Ethan (Kate’s brother) at a bar across the street from the apartment. Ana gets trashed. Ethan walks her back to Christian’s apartment, and then leaves to stay somewhere else. Christian FREAKS THE FUCK OUT at Ana because she didn’t have her phone on her and how dare she go somewhere without his permission. Ana calls him out on being weird with Leila. She starts to ask him for some time to process their whole relationship, but Christian thinks that this means that Ana is breaking up with him. In a desperate attempt to get her to stay, he drops to his knees and assumes the submissive pose, because being submissive is apparently an instinctual behavior triggered by stress, and is definitely not a conscious choice.

So fucking stupid. All of it. Anyway…

-Chapter Fourteen-

Christian is on his knees at my feet, holding me with his steady gray gaze, is the most chilling and sovering sight I have ever seen–more so than Leila and her gun.

are you fucking kidding me draw

Ana, your priorities are so backwards I don’t even know how to help you.

You’re more alarmed by your boyfriend acting weird than by a WOMAN WITH A GUN WHO WANTS TO SHOOT YOU.


Oh fuck. My poor Fifty. My heart squeezes and twists. What the hell have I done to him?

Yup. Because you did this. You did something wrong. It’s definitely not the fact that he’s clearly mentally disturbed. It is 100% your fault.

sarcasm sherlock

I am going to have to fight to bring him back, to bring back my Fifty.
The thought of me dominating anyone is appalling. The thought of dominating Christian is nauseating. It would make me like her–the woman who did this to him.

In order to bring him back you need to CALL HIS GODDAMNED THERAPIST.

Also, seriously? It’s “appalling?” I think you’re confused about what dominating means. Not that I blame you, this whole book has such a screwed up definition of BDSM. You don’t need to hit him with a belt to dominate him. You just need to take control of the situation, something you are CLEARLY incapable of doing because you’re a spineless blob.

Ugh. Just call Dr. Flynn. It’s not your responsibility to fix this fucked up mess of a man that you think you love.

So then Ana goes down on her knees because she wants to be “equal” to him, and she starts babbling about how she loves him and she won’t run away. Which is stupid, because she SHOULD run away because he’s a PSYCHO, but whatever.

“This is about me not being good enough for you. It was an insight into your life, and I am so scared you’ll get bored with me, and then you’ll go…and I’ll end up like Leila…a shadow. Because I love you, Christian, and if you leave me, it will be like a world without light. I’ll be in darkness.”

seriously black widow

Are you KIDDING ME right now.

You’re saying you can’t possibly survive without Christian? Like you’re worthless without him in your life? Are you REALLY that weak and stupid and useless?

You don’t need him. You don’t need anyone. Ana, you are KICKING LIFE’S ASS right now. You have a great job (although your boss is a fucking creep), you have great friends, a family that cares about you, you live in a beautiful city…why the FUCK do you need Christian this badly?

Listen up, ladies and gentlemen, here’s a newsflash: YOU DON’T NEED A SIGNIFICANT OTHER TO SURVIVE.

And if you DO have a significant other and that person leaves you, YOU WILL BE OKAY. BECAUSE YOU’RE AWESOME.

Break-ups suck. And if it’s the end of a serious relationship, it hurts like hell. Maybe you won’t leave your bed. Maybe you’ll make some bad decisions. Maybe you’ll cry a lot while watching TV and during dinner and before bed and when you wake up and when you get on the train and when you’re doing laundry. Maybe you’ll eat too much ice cream and have a hard time focusing when you’re at work or at school. Maybe it’ll feel like your heart is turning inside out.



You will not spend your whole life “in darkness” just because some asshole left you. It’ll hurt, but you’ll be fine.

This book is so full of shit I don’t even know how to respond to it.

Being in love with someone doesn’t mean you’ll die if they leave you. Being in love with someone means you feel alive when you’re with them.

There’s a big difference.


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