[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]
I realize as I say these words to him–in the hope that he’s listening–what my real problem is. I just don’t get why he likes me. I have never understood why he likes me.
“I don’t understand why you find me attractive,” I murmur. “You’re well, you’re you…and I’m…” I shrug and gaze up at him. “I just don’t see it. You’re beautiful and sexy and successful and good and kind and caring–all those things–and I’m not. And I can’t do the things you like to do. I can’t give you what you need. How could you be happy with me? How can I possibly hold you?”
TIME FOR MORE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM OL’ MOMMA CAITLIN:
DON’T GET IN A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP IF YOU CAN’T SEE A SINGLE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.
THANK YOU RUPAUL.
[everyone should go watch RuPaul’s Drag Race RIGHT NOW]
No but seriously, guys, you don’t have to be this shining beacon of self-confidence. You just have to like yourself, even if it’s just a little bit. I know it seems really hard to like yourself sometimes. Sometimes you feel gross and ugly and stupid and lame and boring.
But if you don’t like yourself, it’s a lot harder for someone else to like you.
AND, even more importantly, getting someone else to like you WILL NOT FIX YOUR PROBLEMS.
Finding someone who loves you will not make you love yourself. Kissing someone will not make you love yourself. Having sex with someone will not make you love yourself.
You need to figure out how to do that on your own. You can’t ask anyone else to figure it out for you.
YOU ALSO SHOULD NEVER BE WITH ANYONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL INFERIOR. I don’t think Christian does that on purpose, but he clearly makes Ana feel bad about herself because he’s “God’s Gift to Women” and she doesn’t think she’s attractive, even though she’s clearly a babe.
I also like how intelligence never gets brought up. Or sense of humor. I guess Ana doesn’t care if Christian is smart or funny, as long as he’s attractive and rich and good in bed.
Okay, maybe that wasn’t fair of me to say.
HOWEVER, I will say that it is bullshit for Ana to call Christian Kind and Caring and Good when he JUST FREAKED OUT AT HER FOR GOING OUT WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION. I think that alone negates the Kind and Caring and Good stuff.
So anyway, she keeps talking and then she tells him to please, please talk, and she waits, and suddenly he just blinks and he’s fine?
NOTHING ABOUT THIS PLOT MAKES ANY SENSE.
THIS ISN’T HOW ANY NORMAL PEOPLE ACT IN ANY SITUATION.
HE NEEDS SERIOUS MENTAL HELP.
So then Christian starts talking about how scared he was. Ugh.
“I think I died a thousand deaths, Ana. Someone threatening you…all my worst fears realized. I was so angry, with her, with you, with Taylor, with myself.”
WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU MAD AT ANA. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.
“How dare you put yourself in harms way by going into your own apartment!”
What the fuuuucccckkkkkk.
Uuuuuugggghhhh and then they start spouting romantic bullshit at each other and then Christian takes Ana’s hand and puts it on his chest, over his heart, an area that she was previously not allowed to touch. And this is supposed to be some big moment for them.
And then she unbuttons his shirt and touches his bare skin and he’s all panicky about it but lets her do it anyway. And again, this is supposed to be big and romantic, like he’s finally letting her into his heart or some bullshit.
I sincerely, truly, with all my heart…do not give a fuck.
And then she kisses his chest, and then they start making out, and Christian starts to cry.
“What is this secret that makes you think I’ll run for the hills? That makes you so determined to believe I’ll go? I plead, my voice tremulous. “Tell me, Christian, please…“
C’MON. TELL HER. THIS IS ACTUALLY INTERESTING.
Alright folks, what do you think his “big secret” is?
A: He’s a serial killer that murders all of his submissives because they look like his mom.
B: He’s the one that killed his mom.
C: He’s Voldemort.
D: All of the above.
And the winner is…
He takes a deep breath and swallows. “I’m a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore–my birth mother. I’m sure you can guess why.”
Well that’s…uh…not what I was expecting? So…I guess…good job E.L. James?
Is this a legitimate response that people have to being neglected by their mother as a toddler and being abused by their mother’s pimp? Shouldn’t he want to beat people that look like the guy who burned him with cigarettes?
I guess I just really do not understand Christian’s problems. I don’t understand how being abused by NOT YOUR MOM at an age when you can barely remember anything can cause these kinds of issues. Surely, that would cause issues, but I don’t think it would case these specific issues.
I also don’t understand because Christian’s mom was very clearly addicted to drugs, and probably drank a lot, and I can’t imagine she would have stopped any of those behaviors, so shouldn’t Christian have been born with severe medical problems? Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, that kind of thing? Shouldn’t he have been born addicted to crack and shouldn’t he have needed special medical attention to deal with that? How did he even survive, if the situation was truly that horrible?
From what I’ve read, most adults don’t remember anything earlier than around the age of 3 and a half. That may very well be different for kids suffering from traumatic experiences, but I read an article about children who suffer from sexual abuse at an early age and most of them don’t remember it, or may remember only vague sensory details. Christian claims to be able to remember very specific, very vivid things…I just don’t think that’s realistic. I don’t think any of this is realistic.
Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.