[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]
Hello again! Sorry there was no posts on Monday, it was Labor Day and I figured I could take the day off, haha.
RECAP: So Christian is at Ana’s feet, on his knees, because he thinks she’s leaving him and apparently being a submissive is an instinctual behavior that happens when you feel stressed for some reason. Ana decides that, instead of calling Christian’s therapist to come deal with his obvious mental breakdown, she has to be the one to fix him. Ana gets on her knees so they’re “equals” and starts rambling about her feelings and crying, because that will definitely make him less scared. She talks about her astronomical amount of self-esteem issues, and about how Christian is her whole life and how without him she’d basically die. Christian magically snaps out of it for no real reason and is fine. Ana asks him to tell her what his secret is that he thinks will make Ana run for the hills. Christian reveals that he’s a “sadist” who likes to beat women that look like his mother. He says this like it’s some unavoidable fact that Ana just has to live with, when it’s clearly just a mental thing that he needs a lot of therapy to help him deal with. Ana gets all worried because she thinks that means that their relationship isn’t enough to satisfy his “need” to beat women, but Christian assures her that that’s not true. Ana then asks Christian what she can do to assure him that she won’t leave, and he asks her to marry him?! Ana says she needs to think about it, and that she wants to go to bed. Christian demands that she eats, so he makes her some macaroni and cheese. Christian finally reveals what he did when he was alone with Leila in Ana’s apartment (he gave her a bath?), and this makes Ana very upset. Ana leaves the kitchen and goes to the bathroom and bursts into tears.
Let’s get this show on the road!
Christian, of course, comes and finds Ana crying on the floor of the bathroom, so they start cuddling and it’s actually kind of a sweet moment until you remember how much you hate these two characters.
After Ana is “all cried out,” they get into bed and spoon until they fall asleep.
Ana wakes up at 3 AM with a headache (probably from all the drinking she did the night before), so she goes to get some advil. She drinks some orange juice and takes some advil and is suddenly fine, because she has magical hangovers that just go away when you want them to.
Uuughhh and then Ana starts thinking about things. I hate when Ana thinks about things. It’s the most boring thing in the world to read. She thinks about marrying Christian and how he’s crazy and all that. It’s like 8 billion pages of things I don’t care about in the slightest.
Ana’s reverie is interrupted by Christian issuing a blood-curdling scream from back in the bedroom. Ana races to go checkhim, only to find that Christian is having a particularly horrible nightmare. She wakes him up, and he starts saying “You left, you left,” like his nightmare is all her fault, which, if that’s true, means he NEEDS TO GO SEE HIS FUCKING THERAPIST MORE OFTEN BECAUSE HE CLEARLY HAS SOME PROBLEMS THAT ANA IS NOT QUALIFIED TO DEAL WITH.
Ana sits down next to him on the bed and touches his face to reassure him, and suddenly they’re making out and it’s instantly Business Time. God I hope we don’t have to read about the sex. I hate reading about the sex.
Ana remembers their earlier conversation and tells Christian to stop, saying that she can’t do this, which I think is a perfectly reasonable response to have after learning that your boyfriend BEATS WOMEN THAT LOOK LIKE HIS MOTHER.
“Oh, Ana, don’t overthink this.”
SHE’S NOT OVERTHINKING IT, YOU PSYCHO, SHE’S JUST NOT SURE IF SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO MIGHT SNAP AT ANY MOMENT AND START BEATING HER BECAUSE OF THE COLOR OF HER HAIR.
Ugh, of course Ana listens to Christian instead of the logical part of her brain (which is apparently very, very small). Gross foreplay starts happening. Except this time, Christian says Ana can touch his chest and stuff, which was previously not okay with him. I guess this is supposed to be considered “character development,” but there doesn’t seem to be a reason for it, so I don’t think it really counts. It’s nice to see Christian’s character change, but his character isn’t REALLY changing, he’s still the exact same sadist-asshole he always has been and probably always will be. So what if he lets her touch his chest. It doesn’t really signify any meaningful change in him, not that I can see anyway.
Oop, and then Christian has Ana get on top of him, because…reasons? I guess what we’re supposed to take from this is that Ana is in control of this relationship. I guess this is supposed to be symbolism or something. Really, it’s just gross and uncomfortable to read.
Christian demands that Ana climax, and she says “No,” for some reason? But then Christian “snarls” “Yes” and Ana orgasms because her body is a trained dog, apparently. He cums at the same time as her, of course. Nothing new there.
Afterwards, they cuddle in bed.
“Don’t ever leave me,” he whispers, and I roll my eyes in the full knowledge that he can’t see me.
Um…that sounds a little…emotionally abusive and vaguely threatening? What are you going to do if she wants to leave you, Christian? Lock her in your creepy “playroom?”
ALSO SHE’S TOO SCARED TO ROLL HER EYES WHEN HE CAN SEE HER DO IT.
IF THAT ISN’T “ABUSE” I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.
Christian starts telling Ana about his nightmare, which was about his mother’s pimp burning him with a cigarette.
“It’s the pain I remember. That’s what gives me nightmares. That and the fact that she did nothing to stop him.”
I still find it REALLY FUCKING HARD TO BELIEVE that he would remember the incident in that much detail when he was only 3 years old at the time. Remembering the burning makes sense, kids tend to remember sensations more than actual details, but everything else? I am highly, highly doubtful about all of it.
Christian starts telling Ana about other nightmares he has, like the one where he remembers finding his mother dead.
If this were written by any other author, this scene could be pretty emotionally compelling. But, as it is, I’m just…bored. Really bored.