Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 15 [Part 2]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

“You are so precious to me, Ana. I was serious about marrying you. We can get to know each other then.”

what the fuck kane

You’ve got to be kidding me.

“We can get to know each other then?”

YOU DON’T MARRY SOMEONE UNLESS YOU KNOW THEM PRETTY FUCKING WELL.

IT’S MARRIAGE. IT’S NOT SOME SIMPLE LITTLE THING YOU DO ON A WHIM. YOU MARRY A PERSON BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE WITH THEM FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, AND I DON’T THINK YOU REALLY KNOW WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE UNLESS YOU KNOW THEM REALLY. FUCKING. WELL.

If you two get married it’s going to end in divorce in like 2 days. Except not actually, because the whole marriage will just be Christian being a huge asshole and Ana just taking it because she’s too scared of him to say no.

Ana, of course, just says she’ll think about it, which means she wants to say yes but she’s going to pretend to weigh her options. She says that before she gives him an answer, she wants to meet with his therapist, which I think would be the first logical thing either of them has ever done in this relationship.

The two of them then go to sleep.

Ana wakes up at 8:45, which is SUPER late, so she’s going to be late to work. I’m sure Jack will take that well.

Ana gets to work, and, of course, Jack is a dick about her being 15 minutes late. I mean, being late is definitely a problem, but she wasn’t THAT late, and it was the first time she was late, so maybe calm down a little bit?

OH AND GUESS WHAT ANA DOES FIRST THING ONCE SHE GETS TO HER DESK AND TURNS HER COMPUTER ON.

SHE EMAILS CHRISTIAN.

YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING FIRED. YOU ARE A HORRIBLE EMPLOYEE.

Ana gets a call from José, who’s asking her if she’s still dating Christian, because Christian bought those pictures that José took of Ana and José wants to drop them off. Ana agrees to work something out with Christian and get back to him.

“Ana!” Jack pulls me abruptly out of my reverie. Is he still mad? “Where’s that letter?”
“Er–coming.” Shit. What is eating him?

IT’S PROBABLY THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE DONE EXACTLY 0% OF YOUR WORK TODAY.

Is this supposed to make us not like Jack even more? Because it’s not working. Most bosses would probably react the same way if their employees were blatantly ignoring their work duties.

So Ana types up the letter for Jack really quickly, and it’s full of mistakes (THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUSH THROUGH YOUR WORK INSTEAD OF TAKING YOUR TIME AND DOING THINGS WHEN YOU’RE TOLD) so she has to do it over again. Ana, of course, sees this as injust and is all pissed off by Jack’s reaction. She says he’s being “unbearable.” Maybe if you DID YOUR FUCKING JOB he wouldn’t be so “unbearable,” you fucking idiot.

After redoing the letter and getting him a cup of coffee, Ana asks Jack if there’s something wrong. He says no.

THE ONLY THING THAT’S WRONG IS THE FACT THAT YOU SPEND ALL YOUR FUCKING TIME EMAILING YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND INSTEAD OF WORKING.

YOU GOT A JOB INSTANTLY RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE A DEGREE IN ENGLISH. YOU ARE LIVING THE ACTUAL DREAM. AND YOU CAN’T EVEN DO YOUR FUCKING JOB.

IF YOU SPEND ALL YOUR TIME TALKING TO CHRISTIAN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST QUIT AND LET HIM PAY FOR ALL YOUR SHIT. YOU DON’T DESERVE THAT JOB. GIVE IT TO SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY WANTS IT AND WILL WORK THEIR ASS OFF.

Ughhhh I get so mad when people have amazing jobs and don’t even do the work they were hired to do. Fuck. You. Seriously, Ana, you’re ridiculous.

Ethan stops by to pick up the keys from Ana, since his keys got knocked out of his hand and stolen by Christian and Taylor during Leilapocalypse. It doesn’t really seem important but maybe it is? I figured I’d inform you guys anyway.

Ughhh and then Christian sends Ana a worried email because he hasn’t heard from her all day and he’s worried.

SHE IS AT WORK. LET HER DO HER FUCKING JOB.

god fucking dammit

 

So fucking done with both of these characters. So much hatred.

So then Ana calls Christian, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS STILL VERY MUCH AT WORK AND STILL VERY MUCH HAS SHIT TO DO, to let him know that she’s okay. She tells him she’ll email him when to pick her up. Why not just call him? Whatever.

Ana brings Jack his lunch, and is still surprised when he’s dick-ish to her.

“Have I done something to offend you?”
He blinks at me momentarily. “I don’t think I’m in the mood to list your misdemeanors right now. I’m busy.”
[…]
Whoa, what have I done?

YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANY OF YOUR FUCKING WORK YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

DIE

IN

A

FIRE.

Ana takes her lunch break. It’s only suppose to be 45 minutes, to make up for her being late in the morning. She goes to a nearby Starbucks and starts listening to music and thinking. You know how much I hate when Ana thinks about things.

She thinks about Christian, and marriage, and life and brings up the goddamned Icarus myth again, even though that’s a stupid fucking comparison to make because the point of that story is to listen to what your father tells you when he gives you a set of wax wings, the point of the story is not that Icarus flew too close to the sun because the sun was beautiful or some shit. At least that’s my understanding of it, I could be wrong. Either way, I’m fucking sick of hearing about it.

OH AND WHAT DO YOU FUCKING KNOW, ANA SPACES OUT FOR TOO LONG AND IS LATE COMING BACK FROM HER LUNCH BREAK.

YOU ARE THE WORST EMPLOYEE TO EVER LIVE.

Mia calls Ana to tell her about a birthday party she’s arranging for Christian on Saturday. Ana doesn’t even know Christian’s birthday. Yup, they should definitely get married, they definitely know each other super well.

Ana emails Christian about it, using her work email because she’s so fucking stupid I’m surprised she remembers to breathe, and when Christian yells at her about using her blackberry to email him, she literally says “Why is he so touchy about e-mails?” BECAUSE YOU COULD GET HIM IN BIG FUCKING TROUBLE, YOU TWAT-ROCKET. ALSO YOU SHOULDN’T USE YOUR WORK EMAIL FOR PERSONAL SHIT BECAUSE IT’S YOUR WORK EMAIL. YOU USE IT TO DO WORK. I KNOW THAT’S A REALLY DIFFICULT FUCKING CONCEPT FOR YOU.

Flash-forward to 6:15 PM. The office is almost entirely deserted except for Ana and, of course, Jack. Ana realizes that she forgot to eat today (BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO BUSY THINKING FOR AN HOUR AT STARBUCKS BECAUSE SHE’S A FUCKING IDIOT), so she goes into the kitchen to see if there’s something to eat so Christian doesn’t get mad at her.

Jack follows her in.

I’m sure this will…end…well…

“At last, I have you on your own,” he says, and he slowly licks his lower lip.

disgusted

Ohh god I’m going to VOMIT.

If there’s one thing E.L. James does well, it’s writing the CREEPIEST DUDE EVER.

Ugh. Puke forever.

“Now…are you going to be a good girl and listen very carefully to what I say?”

Oh jesus. This is bad, guys. This is really bad.

-End of Chapter Fifteen-

WELP. I HAVE A FEELING WE’RE IN FOR THE CREEPIEST INTERACTION IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.

Gross.

See you on Friday! Be sure to have a puke-bag ready for when you read Friday’s liveblogs, I’m sure Jack will be horrifying and disgusting and we’ll all want to vomit together.

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