[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]
Well, I’m already worked up into a nice frothy rage after getting involved in a few feminism debates on the internet (even though I know I should avoid internet arguments like the plague), so these liveblogs should be extra frothy. I hope you enjoy.
RECAP: This was the longest chapter in the whole worlddd oh my god. So Jack cornered Ana in the kitchen at work, when they were there alone, and started threatening her and trying to blackmail her into having sex with him. He apparently had copies of Ana’s emails to Christian, and was going to use those against Christian unless Ana “kept him happy.” Anastasia “Secret Badass” Steele breaks his finger and knees him in the balls before running outside to Christian. Christian sends Taylor in to go take care of Jack. Meanwhile Christian freaks the fuck out because Ana didn’t use her blackberry to email him and now Jack has blackmail material. Christian screams at Ana, because it’s not like she just got out of a traumatic situation or anything, and then he calls someone and says he wants Jack fired. Christian goes into the building and comes out 25 minutes later escorting Jack, who’s carrying a box of his shit. Jack gets into a cab and leaves. They go home. Christian goes into another room to call his IT guy about what else was on Jack’s hard drive. Ana eats dinner. Christian comes back but won’t tell Ana what was on Jack’s computer. Ana tells Christian about José coming to visit, and Christian isn’t happy about it. They discuss it (kind of) and Christian agrees that José can stay at his apartment. Christian goes to do some work, and Ana wanders around the apartment, ending up in the playroom. Christian finds her in there and starts explaining what the different things are, including butt plugs, anal beads, genital clamps, and spreader bars. They get all hot and bothered and Christian grabs the spreader bars and heads to the bedroom. They have gross sex. They fall asleep. The end.
ALRIGHT HERE WE GO.
They wake up all cuddly and Christian is instantly boner-city, because he’s literally always boner-city.
Ugh and then he starts fingering her. Apparently we’re front-loading this chapter with all the gross stuff. Let’s see how many times they have sex in this chapter! I hope it’s only once. Please, god, let it be once.
Oh thank goodness we don’t have to read about it. All we get is Christian complaining about using condoms (deal with it, asshole. Either deal with it or deal with your girlfriend getting pregnant you fuckstick) and then things get sexy and then there’s a paragraph space and we cut to the next scene.
Apparently Ana is still going to work, which is surprising, after what happened the day before. They eat breakfast, and then Christian helps show Ana how to use her new car. Apparently Christian really IS Ana’s father, because he refuses to even let her have the radio on while she drives, because he wants her to “concentrate.” She finally convinces him and he turns the radio on.
Ana does get a little distracted in the car, nothing dangerous, she just spaces out (which she does all. the. time.)
“I’m just thinking about work.”
“Baby, you’ll be fine. Trust me.” Christian smiles.
“Please don’t interfere–I want to do this on my own. Christian, please. It’s important to me,” I say as gently as I can. I don’t want to argue. His mouth sets once more into a hard stubborn line, and I think he’s going to berate me again.
“Let’s not argue, Christian. We’ve had such a wonderful morning.”
Come on, dude, what the fuck. She just asked you to not interfere with her career (a request she’s made before, a request that you have blatantly ignored), you don’t have to be an asshole about it. Are you seriously about to get mad at her because she doesn’t want you to interfere with her shit? What the fuck is wrong with you.
But Christian is too distracted by the thought of their morning sex to yell at Ana, thank god. We all know he was going to, though.
Christian goes with Ana to work and walks her up to the door. He reminds her that they’re seeing Dr. Flynn together this evening at 7, and Christian seems very uneasy about this. Apparently he still thinks Ana is going to leave him. Listen, dude, if a girl stays after you tell her that you only wanted to be with her because she looks like your mom and you like beating women that look like your mom…she’s probably not going to leave you.
Christian leaves Ana at work. When Ana gets to her desk, she finds a note telling her to go to Elizabeth’s office. Elizabeth was one of the people who interviewed Ana for the position (the other was Jack). Still not sure what she does with the company, but I guess she’s important or something.
“I have some rather sad news.”
Sad! Oh no.
“I’ve called you in to inform you that Jack has left the company rather suddenly.”
I flush. This isn’t sad for me. Should I tell her that I know?
“His rather hasty departure has left a vacancy, and we’d like you to fill it for now, until we find a replacement.”
What? I feel the blood rush from my head. Me?
“But, I’ve only been here for a week or so.”
“Yes, Anastasia, I understand but Jack was always a champion of your abilities. He had high hopes for you.”
THIS IS NOT HOW JOBS WORK.
THIS IS NOT HOW REALITY WORKS.
YOU DON’T JUST GIVE THE INTERN (WHO’S REALLY FUCKING BAD AT HER JOB BY THE WAY) THE BOSS’S JOB. ESPECIALLY NOT AFTER THE BOSS GETS FUCKING FIRED.
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. WHAT DID I JUST READ. HOW DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE.
IT’S LIKE THIS BOOK ISN’T EVEN TRYING TO BE REALISTIC. IT’S LIKE E.L. JAMES JUST SAID “REALITY? THE FUCK IS THAT?” AND THEN PULLED THIS BOOK OUT OF HER TOILET AFTER HER MORNING SHIT.
NOTHING MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE.