Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 19 [Part 2]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

Christian finally says hi to Ana, and puts his arms around her and just stands like that for forever. Mrs. Jones goes to get him something to eat and a beer. Christian says hi to José, and things are surprisingly okay between them. Christian even tells José to call him Christian.

Did…did Christian’s good twin murder the bad twin and then come back to take his place?

MAYBE CHRISTIAN SWITCHED FACES WITH NICOLAS CAGE, AND THEY CAN’T SWITCH BACK, SO RIGHT NOW ANA IS ACTUALLY HUGGING NICOLAS CAGE!!

If you haven’t seen the movie Face/Off, you need to go look it up on Netflix right now. It should still be there. Grab some friends and some alcohol and get ready to laugh until you cry.

Anyway.

Christian launches into his story. He was flying with Ros, his number two in Charlie Tango to deal with a funding issue at WSU in Vancouver. I can barely keep up I’m so dazed. I just hold Christians hand and stare at his manicured fingernails…

Okay come on, really? Ana, I don’t give two shits about Christian’s fingernails. In fact, I don’t give one shit. I could search my whole life and never find a shit to give about Christian’s fucking fingernails. I WANT TO KNOW HOW HE CRASHED HIS GODDAMNED HELICOPTER. STOP STALLING AND GET TO THE GOOD SHIT.

“Ros had never seen Mount St. Helens, so on the way back as a celebration, we took a quick detour. I heard the TFR was lifted awhile back and I wanted to take a look. Well, it’s fortunate that we did. We were flying low, about two hundred feet AGL, when the instrument panel lit up. We had a fire in the tail–I have no choice but to cut all the electronics and land.” He shakes his head. “I set her down by Silver Lake, got Ros out, and managed to put the fire out.”

You…you basically crash-landed a helicopter (that was ON FIRE no less) in the middle of a forested area (PROBABLY ON THE SIDE OR AT LEAST NEAR THE BASE OF A VOLCANO), rescued your friend, and hiked 4 hours to the nearest road…AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY INJURED?

Come on, man. Can I get a broken finger, at least? SOMETHING?

I want to make t-shirts that say “I Crash-landed My Helicopter On The Side Of A Volcano And All I Got Was Dirty”.

That’s so fucking stupid. It’s a fucking miracle, is what that is, and of course Christian Grey is just surrounded by fucking miracles. Ugh.

“Took us four hours to walk [to the nearest road]. Ros was in heels.” Christian’s mouth presses into a disapproving flat line.

are you fucking kidding me zoom

YOU CRASH-LANDED YOUR HELICOPTER, YOU’RE LUCKY TO BE ALIVE, AND ALL YOU CAN THINK IS “GOD WHY DID THIS STUPID WOMAN WEAR HEELS TO WORK. WHAT AN IDIOT.”

YOU’RE JUDGING YOUR BUSINESS PARTNER BECAUSE SHE HAD THE NERVE TO WEAR HEELS ON THE DAY WHEN YOU CRASHED YOUR HELICOPTER.

WHAT THE FUCK CHRISTIAN.

DO YOU THINK SHE DID THAT ON PURPOSE? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?

WHAT

THE

FUCK

IS

WRONG

WITH

YOU.

“I’m sorry, Mom–I should have asked the driver [who picked him and Ros up and took them back to Seattle] to stop so I could phone. But I was anxious to be back.” He glances at José.
Oh, that’s why. Because José is staying here.

And Ana is just…FINE with this? First of all, Ana can (sometimes) take care of herself, as she proved to us with the whole Jack Hyde business. Second of all, Taylor AND Mrs. Jones were both at the apartment, so it’s HIGHLY UNLIKELY that José would have tried anything?

I just…I don’t even know anymore. What the fuck is wrong with these people. All of them. They’re all fucking ridiculous.

So then, with everything explained (or at least most things…we still don’t know what caused the fire in both engines of the helicopter, and it sounds awful fishy I guess?), the family starts leaving, and José goes to bed, and Christian and Ana are left alone.

“You know…in the few seconds of sheer terror before I landed, all my thoughts were of you. You’re my talisman, Ana.”

Yeah, I bet all your thoughts were about how many things you still hadn’t yelled at her for. “I CAN’T DIE YET, THERE ARE STILL SO MANY THINGS TO GET UNREASONABLY UPSET AT ANA FOR!”

They’re going to go take a shower, but Christian is holding his jacket, and Ana tells him to drop it for some reason? But he refuses? Because the present she gave him is still in the pocket. She tells him to open it, even though it’s not his birthday yet.

Apparently the gift is some shitty plastic keychain with a flashing LED picture of Seattle on one side of it. Ana tells Christian to turn it over.

He does, and his eyes shoot to mine, wide and gray, alive with wonder and joy. His lips part in disbelief.
The word yes flashes on and off on the key ring.
“Happy birthday,” I whisper.

Wow. Totally didn’t see that one coming. I’m so surprised.

-End of Chapter Nineteen-

A keychain? Really? I mean, I guess his proposal was kind of the opposite of romantic as well, he just kind of threw the question to her out of nowhere as a ploy to force her to stay with him because he was scared she’d leave. I guess maybe a stupid, cheap keychain is fitting.

Still really fucking pissed that Christian didn’t at least break a bone.

Anyway.

Hopefully chapter 20 tomorrow! Sorry for the delay in chapters this week, folks.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter 19 [Part 2]

  1. OMG, I love Face/Off so much. Specifically, Nicholas Cage’s badass character (was it Castor Troy?) in Face/Off. I want an entire 10 season television show about that guy. Also, John Travolta does a terrible job portraying him, so I don’t want him anywhere near my Face/Off TV show.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s