[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]
After their weird make-out/dry-humping/sex session, they lay cuddling on the couch together watching X-Files. They start talking about how Ana has to go back to work the next day, and how security will be tight. Ana asks Christian why he was yelling at Sawyer earlier, and Christian tells her it was because Sawyer somehow didn’t prevent the car chase from happening? I don’t really know how that’s Sawyers fault, but I guess it is. Christian gets all fussy with Ana when she questions him about it, so that’s nice of him. They then decide to go to bed.
Cut to the next morning, when Christian drops Ana off at work. They’re all lovey-dovey and weird about it, because they literally can’t stand to be apart for more than 20 minutes at a time. Ugh. How much you want to bet they spend the whole day sending bullshit emails to each other?
Ana goes into work and rambles about her coworkers and how much work she has to do. Elizabeth, one of her coworkers (I can’t remember exactly what her job is), comes into Ana’s office and acts sort of weird I guess? Ana says that her laugh is “off” and sounds “forced,” so I guess we’re just supposed to trust Ana on this one. Which I don’t, since Ana is a horrible judge of people, but whatever. I guess Elizabeth was acting weird, and it’s supposed to be *mysterious* or something. Ana then checks her email and–SURPRISE–she finds an email from Christian. OH, an even BIGGER surprise, he’s mad at her for something! Hurray!
I sent the e-mail below and it bounced.
And it’s because you haven’t changed your name.
Something you want to tell me?
Oh goodie. Now we get to deal with another heaping plate of sexist bullshit courtesy of Christian Grey. Can’t wait. Ana, to her credit, doesn’t stand down right away, and replies by saying:
I want to keep my name here.
I’ll explain this evening.
I am going in to a meeting now.
$20 says she’ll back down and agree to change her name by the end of the chapter once Christian scares her enough. “But Ana always stands up to Christian!” Yeah, for about 2 seconds, before she immediately backs down and does what Christian asks her to do. Ugh. And, again, this is something you should have discussed BEFORE THE WEDDING, motherfuckers. It’s called COMMUNICATION. Uughhhhh.
Ana goes to her meeting, where everyone treats her weird. She has no idea why, but it’s probably because she’s MARRIED TO THE GUY WHO NOW OWNS THEIR WHOLE FUCKING COMPANY. Or maybe it’s because Ana is literally horrible at her job, considering the fact that she can’t even focus on the meeting because she’s too busy daydreaming about Christian and their honeymoon…and then she remembers the car chase…and then…
Perhaps Christian’s right…perhaps I can’t do this anymore. The thought is depressing–this is all I’ve ever wanted to do. If I can’t do this, what will I do?
Wait, what? Where did this come from. Are you worried because of the car chase? I mean, you’ve got security with you, you can’t let one crazy dude completely fuck up your entire life. You’re not really any safer at home in Christian’s apartment hiding from the sun than you are at work. Unless she thinks she’s only safe when she’s with Christian, which we all know is the OPPOSITE of true.
Or maybe Christian’s constant manipulation and the fact that he CLEARLY doesn’t want her to have a job (nor does he want her to do anything that takes her out of the house) has finally gotten to Ana’s head. If Ana ends up quitting her job I will eat my own eyeballs, vomit them back up, and mail them to E.L. James’ publisher.
After the meeting, Ana checks her emails. Nothing from Christian, which is a bad sign. Ana thinks it’s a sort of good sign, but it’s 100% a terrible sign. No response from Christian probably means he’s too busy sharpening his murder weapons to answer her email.
Perhaps we’ll discuss this tonight as per my request. I find that hard to believe, but ignoring my uneasy feeling, I open the marketing plan I was given at the meeting.
THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. IF YOU CAN’T CALMLY DISCUSS SHIT WITH EACH OTHER, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TOGETHER.
I understand arguments. I understand that sometimes you end up screaming at each other, because we’re all human and that’s just what happens sometimes. But the fact that Ana knows that a calm discussion isn’t even a believable possibility is FUCKED. UP.
While Ana is eating lunch with her secretary, her boss, a man named Roach, knocks on the door. Christian is with him. Big surprise.
Christian shoots me a blazing look and stalks in, before smiling politely at Hannah.
“If you’ll excuse me, Roach, I’d like a word with Ms. Steele.” Christian hisses the S sibilantly…sarcastically.
If you’re playing the 50 Shades Drinking Game, now would be a good time to take multiple shots. Take 1 drink because Christian is mad at Ana. Take another drink because E.L. James used a word that she almost definitely looked up in the thesaurus.
Why the FUCK did you use the word sibilantly there? A word that apparently ISN’T EVEN A WORD according to spell-check. The word “sibilant” means “hissing,” which means that this sentence is also EXTREMELY redundant. Might as well say: “Christian hisses the S hissily.” Why. WHY.
“So what can I do for you, Christian?”
“I’m just looking over my assets.”
“Your assets? All of them?”
“All of them. Some of them need rebranding.”
Please tell me Christian isn’t here to forcibly change Ana’s name at work. Please tell me he’s not going to do that. Please tell me Christian doesn’t think of Ana as a LITERAL OBJECT that belongs to him, and that he is allowed to do whatever he wants with.
I 100% can’t handle this bullshit right now.