[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]
Fuck this book. Seriously. I can’t even…whatever. Apparently there’s only 46 iPhone pages in chapter 9, so hopefully this shit will be over soon, and after that we’ve only got……20 more chapters left (including the epilogue and 3 bonus chapters).
SO LET’S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.
RECAP: The architect that’s doing Ana and Christian’s new house, Gia Matteo, comes over, and tries to be all sexy for Christian, but Ana is having literally none of her shit. Apparently in the 50SoG world women only exist to please men and hate other women. Ana calls Gia out, and Gia backs off, and then everything is fine. Christian later calls Gia a “sexual predator,” because apparently Christian doesn’t know what that phrase means. Later, Christian and Ana continue their discussion about how Christian has demanded that Ana changes her name, and Christian makes literally the whole conversation about him, and he pretty much refuses to acknowledge Ana’s very reasonable feelings about the whole thing, and in the end Ana just agrees to take Christian’s last name because it means so much to him, and because Ana literally cannot defy Christian in any way. And then…Ana gives Christian a hair-cut? But it turns into sexy-times before she can actually cut any hair. Christian makes Ana cum just by playing with her nipples, which, while I”m sure for some women it’s possible, this is VERY RARE and has probably given a lot of women a lot of very confusing (and erroneous) notions about sex. Later, Ana and Christian talk about the fact that Christian has decided to make Ana the head of her publishing company, even though she 100% doesn’t want that, and Christian once again completely ignores/doesn’t understand Ana’s feelings on the subject. They talk a little bit about Christian’s childhood trauma, and then have sex again, because why not.
Alright. Let’s roll.
Ana wakes up to Christian being wrapped around her “like Ivy,” which apparently always happens after they fight (which they do ALL THE FUCKING TIME).
Oh, Fifty. He is so needy on some level. Who would have thought?
Me. I would have thought. Also, YOU should have thought about this BEFORE YOU MARRIED HIM. “Huh, my husband is so needy…” YEAH YOU SHOULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT A LONG-ASS TIME AGO. BUT YOU DIDN’T HAVE A CHANCE TO BECAUSE YOU ONLY KNEW HIM FOR 4 MONTHS BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO MARRY HIM. WHAT THE FUCK.
Uuuughhhhhhhhhh I can’t even handle this bullshit.
Christian wakes up, they cuddle for like 2 seconds, and then they have some sexy-times, which thankfully we don’t have to read about.
They go eat breakfast. Well, they sit in the kitchen and Christian demands that Ana eat, because apparently she didn’t eat anything yesterday? It really seems like Ana has an eating disorder, considering how often she refuses to eat. But I’m sure E.L. James (and many of her readers) just see this as Ana being a “typical woman” because all women refuse to eat, right? That’s toootally normal, because you don’t want to be *whisper voice* fat, right?
Stop making this shit seem normal. Refusing to eat is NOT normal. I mean, if you’re emotionally distressed, maybe you won’t be hungry. I get that. But constantly refusing to eat is NOT GOOD, and it probably means you have some kind of eating disorder. Or maybe Ana just refuses to eat because she’s constantly FUCKING TERRIFIED OF HER GODDAMNED HUSBAND. I imagine it would be hard to eat anything when you’re constantly worried that he might lose his shit at you for no reason.
While they eat, Christian mentions that he might have to go to New York later this week, and he wants Ana to go with him because it’ll be an overnight trip.
Ana refuses, because she’s been away from work for 3 weeks for their honeymoon already, and she doesn’t want to take any more time off. Surprisingly, Christian doesn’t get mad at her for this (yet).
Ana asks Christian how he’s getting to NY, because she’s worried about him flying his helicopter, because the last time he flew his helicopter it crashed (and he didn’t even get a scratch on him). Apparently he’s taking the company jet, though. Because he’s fucking loaded.
Aaaaand now Ana is bringing up the fact that Christian has a gun in his desk? That’s a throwback. I don’t even remember what chapter that happened in? But apparently the gun is Leila’s (another throwback). Also, Ana says that it was loaded, and Christian is like “I don’t want you messing with guns. I hope you put the safety back on,” and then Ana TOTALLY CALLS HIM OUT because there IS no safety on that kind of gun, and apparently Christian knows nothing about guns, while Ana actually does know things about guns, and this makes me extremely happy.
[please, for the love of god, tell me that Ana shoots Christian. In some alternate universe, all I want is for Ana to shoot Christian.]
The two of them leave for work. all while arguing about gun control (Christian refuses to learn how to use a gun, while Ana and Taylor really want him to learn).
We learn some more about Leila, who is apparently in Connecticut, seeing a psychiatrist, and she’s miraculously better now, even though she suffered a pretty severe psychotic break literally like 2 months ago.
They each go to work, but instead of actually working, they just email each other all fucking morning, because they’re both fucking insane. And they’re also terrible employees.
During the emails, they are flirting (and it’s gross), and Christian says he might come pay Ana a (sexy) visit, but she makes some joke about how she wouldn’t want her “boss’s boss’s boss getting on top of [her] at work” and she wouldn’t want her “boss’s boss’s boss” to “fire [her] ass.”
To which Christian replies:
Believe me when I say there are a great many things he’d like to do to your ass right now. Firing you is not one of them.
Also, WHAT THE FUCK. YOU’RE USING YOUR WORK EMAILS TO SEND SEXY EMAILS TO EACH OTHER. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.
We skip ahead to later in the week, when Christian has already left for New York. Of course, Ana already feels despondent, even though Christian has been gone for a total of like 3 hours. But Ana has made plans to go get drinks with Kate! So that’s exciting. Maybe they’ll finally realize that they’re madly in love and will hop on a unicorn and ride off into the sunset.
It’s going to happen, guys. Trust me.
After Christian’s flight lands, he immediately calls Ana.
“How was your flight?”
“Long. What are you doing with Kate?”
“We’re just going out for a quiet drink.”
Christian says nothing.
“Sawyer and the new woman–Prescott–are coming to watch over us,” I offer, trying to placate him.
“I thought Kate was coming to the apartment.”
“She is after a quick drink.” Please let me go out!
THIS RELATIONSHIP IS LITERALLY TEXTBOOK ABUSIVE.
According to the Red Flag Campaign, you should question relationships with people who: “Try to isolate you and control whom you see or where you go.”
NOW COULD SOMEONE KINDLY FUCKING EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THIS RELATIONSHIP ISN’T ABUSIVE. PLEASE. SOMEONE. ANYONE. I WOULD LOVE OT HEAR IT.
“But Christian is just concerned because there’s someone out there who is trying to kill them!”
That doesn’t explain all the other times that Christian hasn’t wanted Ana to go out. Also, Ana is bringing security guards with her. You seriously think she isn’t safe with 2 security guards? If she’s not safe with 2 guards, she’s not safe at home either, because NEWSFLASH, Jack Hyde probably knows where you fucking live.
If Obama can go out in public and not die, when literally hundreds of people want him dead, I THINK ANA FUCKING STEELE SHOULD BE SAFE AT A BAR WITH HER FRIEND.
FUCK YOU, CHRISTIAN. FUCK YOU AND YOUR ABUSIVE, MANIPULATIVE BULLSHIT.
Christian doesn’t flip out, which is good, but he’s obviously not happy, and finally Ana agrees to just stay in the apartment. She then feels guilty for making Christian worry. Because apparently her entire life is about pleasing Christian, and she’s supposed to feel guilty whenever she fails in that task.
We skip ahead again.
Kate looks gorgeous. In her tight white jeans and red camisole, she’s ready to rock the town.
“Ana!” she cries, scooping me up in a Kate hug.
Seriously. You know you want to.
Oops. Kate really wants to go out, so Ana agrees to go out for one drink. Which, in a normal relationship, wouldn’t be a problem, but when you’re in a relationship with a PSYCHOPATH, then…I wonder how hard Christian is going to murder Ana for this?
The security team, Sawyer and a new black woman named Prescott (pretty sure she’s the only person of color in this book? Other than José, who was literally just a stereotype half the time), are pretty uncomfortable about disobeying orders, but Ana bullies them into giving in, which appears to be a trait that she’s picked up from Christian.
While they’re on their way to the bar, Kate tells Ana a bunch of stuff that she knows about the Jack Hyde situation, stuff that Christian hasn’t told Ana, because Christian really likes keeping secrets from his wife, secrets that directly relate to his family and her own safety.
Apparently there’s been extra security ordered for all the members of the Grey family, and it’s all because of some information that was on Jack Hyde’s SIP computer. Kate knows all of this because Elliot, Christian’s brother, isn’t a controlling nightmare boyfriend and actually shares things with his girlfriend.
At the bar, Kate and Ana start bitching about Gia, because I guess Gia had a thing with Elliot back in the day, so Kate hates her too, because HOW DARE SHE DATE ELLIOT BEFORE KATE DID. Like, I agree that Gia flirting with the obviously-married Christian is gross, but come on, guys. Ladies have to stick together. We get enough shit from dudes, we don’t need to add to it.
Later, Ana heads to the bathroom, and is accompanied by Prescott, who is clearly not happy about being forced to disobey Christian’s orders.
“I haven’t been out on my own since I got married,” I mutter wordlessly at the closed toilet door.
First of all, how the FUCK do you mutter wordlessly?
And second…you’ve only been married for literally less than a month, and 3 weeks of that you were on your honeymoon, and ALSO YOU BASICALLY STOLE A JETSKI AND WENT SHOPPING ON YOUR OWN WITHOUT CHRISTIAN? SO IDK WHAT YOU WANT, MAN.
But it is fucked up how little Ana is allowed to be by herself. That much is true.
Kate says something about how marriage “agrees” with Ana, and Ana starts thinking about how happy she is.
Could I be any happier? In spite of all his baggage, his nature, his Fiftyness, I have met and married the man of my dreams.
CHRISTIAN IS FUCKING ABUSIVE, YOU PUDDLE OF DICKS. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO CONTROL YOU AND EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATE YOU BEFORE YOU REALIZE THAT.
YOU COULD DEFINITELY BE HAPPIER. YOU COULD BE DATING SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY SEES YOU AS AN EQUAL, SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS YOU, YOUR PERSONAL SPACE, YOUR CHOICES, YOUR INTELLIGENCE. YOU COULD BE DATING SOMEONE WHO ALLOWS YOU TO GO OUT WITH FRIENDS, WHO DOESN’T FORCE YOU TO GET BIRTH CONTROL, WHO DOESN’T EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATE YOU INTO MARRIAGE AND INTO CHANGING YOUR NAME. YOU COULD BE DATING SOMEONE WHO DIDN’T MEET YOU BY STALKING YOU, WHO HASN’T SEXUALLY ABUSED YOU BY CONSTANTLY INSISTING ON PUSHING PAST YOUR LIMITS.
THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS IS AN ABUSIVE JACKASS.
Ana mentions something about how Christian is going to be mad, but she’s like, smiling about it?
“Why are you grinning like a loon, Ana? You like Making Christian mad?”
“No. Not really. But it’s easily done. He’s very controlling sometimes.” Most of the time.
I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know how to highlight the abuse in this book any more than I already have. I don’t understand how people think this isn’t abusive. The book literally points out how abusive Christian is ALL THE TIME, yet everyone just ignores it. I’m so fucking done.
Ana finally checks her phone, and SURPRISE, Christian is freaking out. He sends her an all-caps text asking where she is, as well as this email:
Sawyer tells me that you are drinking cocktails in a bar when you said you wouldn’t. Do you have any idea how mad I am at the moment?
GOD FORBID SHE CHANGE HER PLANS, CHRISTIAN. HOW DARE SHE DISOBEY YOUR ORDERS. IT’S ALMOST LIKE SHE’S A GROWN ASS WOMAN WHO CAN MAKE DECISIONS FOR HERSELF, AND THOSE DECISIONS MIGHT NOT ALWAYS BE THINGS THAT YOU AGREE WITH.
IT’S ALMOST LIKE SHE’S A HUMAN. FUCKING. BEING.
FUCK YOU FOR TRYING TO REDUCE HER TO THE EQUIVALENT OF A DOG, SOMETHING YOU OWN THAT YOU CAN ORDER AROUND AND PUNISH WHEN SHE DISOBEYS YOU.
SHE NEVER AGREED TO THAT. SHE NEVER AGREED TO YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT “RULES.” SHE CAN MAKE HER OWN GODDAMNED DECISIONS AND YOU DON’T GET TO SAY SHIT ABOUT IT, BECAUSE YOU’RE HER HUSBAND, NOT HER FUCKING JAILER.
Ana gets back to the apartment after dropping Kate off, and…
The vase of flowers lies smashed into fragments all over the floor of the foyer, water and flowers and chunks of china are strewn everywhere, and the table is overturned. My scalp prickles and Sawyer grabs my arm and pulls me back into the elevator.
Apparently the guy, Ryan (?) who was watching the apartment apprehended someone who broke in.
Ryan is standing at the entrance of the great room. A cut above his eye is bleeding, and there’s another on his mouth. He looks roughed up, his clothes disheveled. But what’s more shocking is Jack Hyde slumped at his feet.
-End of Chapter Nine-
WELL THEN. For only being 46 pages, that chapter was a doozy.
Also…seriously. Christian is literally a textbook abuser, and I am going to vomit on everyone who tries to say otherwise, because that’s actually ridiculous. Christian is a terrible person and no one should ever idolize him or think he’s the perfect man. He could not be more far from perfect.
Well, I have no idea when I’ll post again, but I’m going to try and start posting something every Monday, because I now have Mondays off. No promises, but I’ll do my best.
Thanks for sticking around, guys! You readers are the best 🙂