Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Freed: Chapter 11 [Part 2]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

So Christian blindfolds Ana in the kitchen. And then…drinks some wine…and spits it…into Ana’s mouth?

WHY.

JUST DRINK WINE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE.

Ugh and then Christian puts something in the microwave, but then it’s really hot when he takes it out, and he burns himself?

“I just burned myself. Here.” He eases his index finger into my mouth. “Maybe you could suck it better.”
“Oh.”

HOW DO YOU SAY “OH” WHEN HIS FINGER IS IN YOUR MOUTH.

Also, like, I get that sucking on fingers is sexy, but I literally can’t stomach any sexual interaction between these two characters, because I live in a constant state of being physically repulsed by Christian Grey.

So he keeps feeding her different foods, and it’s not terribly interesting, to tell the truth.

Aaaaand now they’re headed for the playroom. Goodie.

He ties her to some kind of cross-thing, which I imagine looks like the cross-thing that a certain someone gets tied to in Game of Thrones…(*subtle plug to read the books*)

Christian does some sexy stuff, like playing with Ana’s nipples and everything, teasing her.

“Christian,” I plead.
“I know,” he murmurs his voice hoarse. “This is what you make me feel.”

Excuse me, what? I don’t understand. She makes you feel like nipples?

Christian now starts torturing Ana with a vibrator, which he uses to get her really close to having an orgasm and then he immediately stops. He does this several times, and each time it drives Ana insane.

“Frustrating, yes?” he murmurs against my throat. “Just like you. Promising one thing and then..” his voice trails off.

dramatic staring

WOAH WOAH WOAH.

WHEN DID SHE PROMISE ANYTHING.

WHAT THE FUCK.

HE’S PUNISHING HER. HE’S STILL MAD AT HER. MAD FOR SOMETHING THAT’S FUCKING RIDICULOUS. AND HE’S USING SEX TO PUNISH HIS WIFE, BECAUSE HE’S A GODDAMNED NIGHTMARE.

“You are the most frustrating woman I have ever met.”

SO YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING TORTURE HER? YOU FUCKING MANIAC.

THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP OF ANY KIND.

“But Caitlin, that’s how BDSM works…”

NO.

SORRY.

DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200.

BDSM IS SAFE, SANE, AND CONSENSUAL. IT OPERATES UNDER SPECIFIC, MUTUALLY AGREED UPON RULES, WITH THE IDEA BEING THAT THE SUBMISSIVE HAS ALL THE POWER, AND THE SUBMISSIVE AGREES TO THESE RULES AND AGREES TO BE CONTROLLED.

BDSM SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE PRACTICED WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY AND OUT OF CONTROL OF YOURSELF. IT SHOULD NOT BE USED AS A PUNISHMENT FOR BREAKING A RULE THAT HAS NOT BEEN AGREED UPON.

THIS IS FUCKED UP.

I DON’T CARE THAT HE’S NOT TECHNICALLY HURTING HER.

HE’S STILL BEING AN EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE FUCK, AND HE’S BEING A REALLY DANGEROUS AND SCARY DOM, AND HE SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO BE IN ANY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE HE’S A GODDAMNED DISASTER OF A HUMAN BEING.

Can I play this game? No. No. No.–I can’t do this. I know he’s not going to stop. He’s going to continue to torture me. His hand travels down my body once more. No… And the dam bursts—all the apprehension, the anxiety, and the fear from the last couple of days overwhelming me anew as tears spring to my eyes. I turn away from him. This is not love. It’s revenge.

ru paul this

TAH. FUCKING. DAH.

THAT’S IT RIGHT THERE.

ANASTASIA FUCKING STEELE SAID IT HERSELF.

THIS ISN’T LOVE. THIS ISN’T ROMANTIC.

THIS IS GODDAMNED FUCKED UP, AND I WANT EVERYONE TO SEE HOW FUCKED UP IT IS.

THIS ISN’T THE IDEAL RELATIONSHIP. CHRISTIAN ISN’T THE IDEAL MAN.

HE IS A HORRIFYING MONSTER WHO SHOULD NEVER BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE, BECAUSE HE IS DANGEROUS, AND HAS SOME OF THE SCARIEST MOOD SWINGS I’VE EVER SEEN, AND YOU NEVER KNOW IF HE’S GOING TO HURT YOU, OR ABUSE YOU EMOTIONALLY, AND THAT’S A GODDAMNED NIGHTMARE.

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS SAD. AND SCARY. AND DISTURBING ON A LOT OF LEVELS.

“Red,” I whimper. “Red. Red.” The tears course down my face.

spit take

(for those of you who don’t remember (WHICH I DON’T BLAME YOU BECAUSE CHRISTIAN EXPLAINED SAFE-WORDS TO ANA A GRAND TOTAL OF LIKE ONE AND A HALF TIMES), the word “red” is their safe-word)

He stills. “No!” He gasps, stunned. “Jesus Christ, no.”

Christian quickly unties Ana from the thing, and carries her over to the bed, where she lays in his lap, sobbing.

Gee, how romantic. I’m so in love, aren’t you guys? I can totally understand how so many people think this relationship is the best.

sarcasm sherlock

Christian wraps Ana in the sheet and holds her, and says “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” as if that makes it better. You dick.

AND THEN

So much has happened over the last few days—fires in computer rooms, car chases, careers planned out for me, slutty architects, armed lunatics in the apartment, arguments, his anger—and Christian has been away. I hate Christian going away.

NO.

FUCK THAT.

YOU ARE CRYING AND UPSET BECAUSE OF WHAT CHRISTIAN, AND CHRISTIAN ALONE, HAS PUT YOU THROUGH.
THAT AND MAYBE GETTING YOUR HOUSE BROKEN INTO.

STOP BLAMING THIS FEELING ON EVERYTHING BUT THE ACTUAL SOURCE.

ALSO, STOP ACTING LIKE YOU’RE UPSET BECAUSE CHRISTIAN WENT AWAY.

THAT’S FUCKED UP. YOU’RE A GROWN-ASS WOMAN. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE YOUR GODDAMNED HUSBAND GOING AWAY FOR 2 FUCKING DAYS.

I mean, I guess it’s been stressful, with all the Jack Hyde stuff. I get that. But even without that, Ana would STILL be this upset about Christian going away, and that is FUCKED UP and is NOT OKAY.

Uggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

FURIOUS. I AM FURIOUS RIGHT NOW.

Ana finally stops crying, and asks Christian why he did that.

“I got lost in the moment,” he says unconvincingly.

WHAT, ARE YOU GOING TO MURDER HER NEXT TIME YOU’RE CHOPPING ONIONS, BECAUSE YOU GOT “LOST IN THE MOMENT” AND COULDN’T HELP BUT STAB HER WITH A KNIFE?

IF YOU CAN’T FUCKING CONTROL YOURSELF, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE.

“Ana, orgasm denial is a standard tool in—You never–” He stops.

let me stop you right there
DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO MAKE THIS SEEM LIKE ANA IS OVERREACTING.

YOU NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINED BDSM. YOU NEVER TOLD HER ABOUT ORGASM DENIAL. SHE’S ALLOWED TO TELL YOU TO STOP, AND YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY JACK SHIT ABOUT IT, BECAUSE SHE’S THE SUB AND SHE’S THE ONE WHO GETS TO SAY WHAT HAPPENS AND WHAT DOESN’T. AND MAYBE IF YOU HAD EXPLAINED WHAT YOU WERE DOING, OR, AND I KNOW THIS IS A STRETCH, MAYBE IF YOU HADN’T TRIED TO PRACTICE BDSM WHEN YOU WERE CLEARLY IN AN UNSAFE, UN-SANE MOOD, MAYBE SHE WOULDN’T HAVE FELT THE NEED TO SAFE-WORD.

MAYBE IF YOU DIDN’T USE SEX AS A WEAPON, YOU WOULDN’T BE IN THIS MESS.

MAYBE IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH A GODDAMNED BUCKET OF FECAL MATTER, YOUR WIFE WOULDN’T BE SOBBING IN YOUR LAP RIGHT NOW.

DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO ACT LIKE THIS IS ANYTHING LESS THAN YOUR FUCKING FAULT.

“I never what?” I ask.
“Do as you’re told. You changed your mind; you didn’t tell me where you were. Ana, I was in New York, powerless and livid. If I’d been in Seattle I’d have brought you home.”

FUCK THIS SHIT 2

FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU

I CAN’T FUCKING HANDLE THIS. OH MY GOOD LORD BABY JESUS WHAT THE FUCK. HOW IS THIS BOOK POPULAR. HOW DO PEOPLE NOT SEE THIS AS A GIANT SACK OF NIGHTMARES, HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

IF YOU WERE IN SEATTLE YOU WOULD HAVE FORCIBLY REMOVED HER FROM THE COMPANY OF HER FRIEND, ALL BECAUSE SHE DECIDED TO GO TO A BAR?

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.

ARE YOU BEING ACTUALLY FOR REAL HERE.

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING SAY ANYMORE.

I FEEL LIKE I’M LOSING MY MIND. HOW IS THIS EVEN A REAL NOVEL THAT PEOPLE READ. BECAUSE THIS SERIES IS LIKE A GODDAMNED TEXTBOOK OF HOW TO RECOGNIZE AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

MAYBE THIS IS JUST ONE BIG SOCIAL EXPERIMENT TO SEE IF PEOPLE CAN SPOT ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS OR NOT.

MAYBE THIS IS JUST A GIANT EXPERIMENT TO SEE HOW MUCH I CAN LOSE MY SHIT.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

So then Ana apologizes for not calling? And says that was “selfish” of her?

No. Fuck you. You can go out to the bar if you want, you don’t need his fucking permission. Stop it.

AND THEN SHE SAYS “I WILL TRY AND BE MORE CONSIDERATE OF YOUR…CONTROLLING TENDENCIES.”

NO.

NO NO NO.

YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO TIPTOE AROUND HIS CONTROLLING TENDENCIES. YOU SHOULD JUST EXIST AND BE HAPPY AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT UPSETTING YOUR HUSBAND BECAUSE YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT HIM PUNISHING YOU.

THAT IS FUCKED UP.

I WANT TO PUT THIS WHOLE CHAPTER ON DISPLAY WITH A GIANT ARROW THAT SAYS “LOOK. LOOK AT HOW FUCKED UP THIS IS. BASK IN THE GLORY OF HOW EXCEEDINGLY FUCKED UP THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS.”

Ugh. I’m so fucking done.

So then they go back to talking about the Jack Hyde thing. Apparently Hyde is implicated in the sabotage of Christian’s helicopter (the thing that caused it to crash in the last book. I still can’t believe Christian literally didn’t get a scratch on him from that shit).

And apparently Hyde left a van parked in the parking garage when he came in to the apartment, and the van had a mattress, and tranquilizers, and a note addressed to Christian talking about how Jack had kidnapped Ana.

Apparently the connection is with Detroit, because Jack had done some time for minor offenses in Detroit. And I guess Christian was born in Detroit, so that’s fun.

And…

oh.

That’s the end of the chapter.

-End of Chapter Eleven-

I have literally no idea what else can happen in this book. We’ve got like a billion more chapters to go. What else can go down? I don’t know if I want to know.

That was the single most infuriating chapter of my life. I’ve already read these books once, and I remembered vague snippets of this whole scenario, but to reread it in all of it’s glory…yeesh. I’ve never been so disgusted by a novel in my life.

It’s mostly upsetting because I know so many people think so highly of Christian, and it makes me feel physically ill to think of the kinds of situations that those people could get themselves into. If they think this relationship is romantic, they could end up in a very abusive situation, and they might try to convince themselves to stay because they think it’s like being with Christian.

I really hope that doesn’t happen. But the idea that it might, and the idea that this book normalizes and even romanticizes these kinds of emotionally abusive (and sexually abusive…and physically abusive…) relationships is really scary and sad. I understand how you can get sucked into this story, but after a certain point, I don’t understand how more people don’t go “ugh, this is scary and gross, I’m not into this anymore.”

In fact, I hear the exact opposite of that. I hear everyone going “Oh, but the third book is the best!” I mean, I guess it’s the most interesting, because there’s an actual bad guy and actual things seem to be happening, but it’s also the most abusive and gross and upsetting and scary, yet it’s marketed as this great romance.
I have no idea how they’re going to make a movie of this. I hope the movie is terrible and it bombs and no one has the heart to make movies out of the 2nd and 3rd books. But I know that won’t happen. We’ll get 3 (probably 4, actually) movies out of this shit, and I have NO IDEA how they’re going to make it seem romantic and not full of abusive shit.

So…yeah.

I’m going to go drink some wine now (out of a glass, like a normal person, not out of someone’s fucking mouth).

Thanks for reading.

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3 thoughts on “Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Freed: Chapter 11 [Part 2]

  1. I happened to notice a trailer of the flick the other day on the internet. I didn’t watch it though, only scrutinised the teaser picture one was supposed to click on. I passed on that chance, knowing that you, Caitlin, are already planning to sacrifice yourself and watch the film for science. As for said picture, it showed Ana blindfolded and most likely in the buff lying on a red leather table/couch, a damsel-in-distress gasp on her lips — mommy porn meets s&m kitsch…

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