Caitlin Liveblogs Fifty Shades Freed: Chapter 12 [Part 1]

[disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifs used in this post. If you see a gif that you created and would either like credit for it or would like it taken down, please let me know.]

I literally had to take a leave of absence from this blog because the last chapter made me so furious that I couldn’t see straight. But I’m back! Because apparently I’m a glutton for punishment. I also blog with renewed purpose, because now that the 50SoG trailer is out, interest is going to start escalating, and I want to give all of you the knowledge that you need in order to successfully argue with the poor people who’ve been sucked into the nightmare that is these books. Hopefully, by reading this blog, you have all the information you need to destroy anyone in an argument about these books. And you don’t even have to read the books to get that information!

I, however, DO need to read these books (and am in fact reading them a second time for the sole purpose of accurately and adequately liveblogging them), so let’s get started.

God help me.

RECAP: Let’s make this fast, kids. So Christian is still mad at Ana for going out without his permission, so she gets home from work to find him all sexed-up in his ripped jeans, and they kind of have a conversation about their issues, except Christian doesn’t seem to actually listen to Ana, and is all caught up in the bullshit idea that HOW DARE SHE LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT ASKING MY PERMISSION. Ana pretends like she knows Christian isn’t going to hurt her (“physically, anyway”), which is bullshit because THEY LITERALLY STARTED DATING BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BEAT AND FUCK HER SO BADLY but I mean whatever. Then they decide that Ana needs to eat, even though they haven’t really resolved any problems, and Christian starts sexy-feeding Ana and spitting wine into her mouth (and literally nothing could be less erotic than spitting a drink into someone else’s mouth, but whatever). Then they head over to the playroom, where more sexy stuff ensues. Christian keeps trying to make this whole thing a metaphor for how Ana makes him feel, so he plays with her nipples and teases her lady-bits but won’t let her orgasm. He does this several times, until Ana realizes that he’s doing this out of revenge, not out of love, so she says the safeword (“red”) and begins sobbing.

Christian, to his credit, does immediately stop, and unties Ana and holds her and stuff, but then he tries to act like he didn’t do anything wrong, and says that “orgasm denial is a standard tool” in BDSM (which is bullshit because you know what else is standard in BDSM? INFORMED. FUCKING. CONSENT.) and he also basically says that this is all Ana’s fault for not obeying him or some shit, which is a literal pile of garbage and I can’t even get into how actually insane this whole relationship is. And then GUESS WHAT! ANA STARTS APOLOGIZING FOR BEING SELFISH AND GOING OUT TO THE BAR WITHOUT CHRISTIAN’S PERMISSION. FUCK EVERYTHING. But then they go back to talking about the thing with Jack Hyde, and it’s revealed that Jack Hyde is from Detroit, which is also where Christian was born, and we’re supposed to gasp in shock at this, but I can’t find it in me to give a singular shit about that plot point because WHAT THE FUCK, CHRISTIAN GREY IS A GODDAMNED NIGHTMARE-MAN.

GAH. STILL LIVID. FUCK.

Anyway.

Chapter Twelve

The chapter opens with Ana and Christian still discussing Jack Hyde. We learn that Christian and Elliot were both adopted in Detroit, but then the whole family moved to the west coast before Mia was born.

boring me back to death

I don’t have words to describe how little I care about everything that they’re saying.

And then they start talking about Christian’s childhood, and Christian tries to say that “that part of [his] life is done,” which it clearly isn’t, because his childhood is allegedly (according to him) the reason why he feels the need to beat women (and just because he has a “reason” doesn’t mean he has an excuse for his actions, because it’s never okay to beat anyone. End of story).

“I know it’s why you feel the need to control me. Keep me safe.”
“And yet you choose to defy me,” he murmurs baffled, his hand stilling in my hair.

SHE CHOOSES TO LIVE HER LIFE LIKE A GODDAMNED ADULT, WHICH MEANS SHE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO GO WHERE SHE WANTS, WHEN SHE WANTS, WITH WHO SHE WANTS, YOU PSYCHOTIC PUDDLE-OF-FUCKS.

“and yet you choose to defy me” BY GOING OUT WITH HER FRIENDS, YOU VOLCANO OF DILDOS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.

And Ana isn’t even mad about that! She’s just like “omg do I do that on purpose?!” I don’t care if you do it on purpose, Ana, what I care about is the fact that your goddamned husband won’t let you go out with your friends without his permission.

“Christian, I know you loved your mom, and you couldn’t save her. It wasn’t your job to do that. But I’m not her.”

I don’t…understand…what? He has told you that he enjoys beating women who look like his mom. That was his number one reason for dating you. I have no idea how that stems from the fact that he couldn’t save his mom. I also don’t know how all of these mental issues could come from the fact that he was abused by his mother’s pimp, and his mother’s early death, because all of that happened before Christian was 4 years old? And I know kids can retain a lot of that stuff, and it doesn’t surprise me that he has emotional issues because of that abuse/emotional hardship, but these specific issues don’t seem to make sense in that context. His trust issues, the fact that he has trouble being touched, that makes sense. The need to beat women? I don’t know, but I’m inclined to think that those issues come from his own fucked up brain, and his sad, broken childhood (1-2 years of which he wasn’t old enough to remember) doesn’t really account for (and DEFINITELY doesn’t excuse) his terrible behavior that results from those issues.

I also have no idea how on earth Christian even survived as a baby…also if his mom was addicted to crack…shouldn’t Christian have more health problems? How was he born so beautiful and perfect, without a single health defect, when he came from a woman (and presumably a man) who had so many health issues?

I just don’t buy any of Christian’s history. It doesn’t explain his personality. Maybe I’m just ignorant about how such a childhood could affect someone, but it seems REALLY far-fetched to me.

“I’m not her. I’m much stronger than she was. I have you, and you’re so much stronger now.”

Ana, you’re “stronger” than Christian’s crack-whore mother? Really? You don’t know anything about that woman’s life. You came from a white, upper-middle-class family, who, aside from having problems with divorce and things, could give you anything you ever wanted. You didn’t have to worry about going to school, or getting a well-paying job (even though you have a goddamned English degree), or having a place to live or food to eat. Christian’s mother could have been born poor, or other such circumstances could have driven her to do drugs. Maybe she needed to be a sex worker to pay the rent, to pay for food, to pay for basic necessities. And, since prostitution is still illegal in the U.S., she had to put herself in a very dangerous position, without the benefit of police, or adequate healthcare, or any kind of real support, just to make money. And then she got pregnant, and had a baby, and had to take care of that baby, and obviously she did a pretty okay job of that, under the circumstances, considering the fact that Christian is even alive right now. And then she was beaten to death by a man that she had no hope of escaping from, because she had no money without him, no home without him, no food without him, and she had a baby to worry about, and, as a sex worker, where else was she supposed to go? Sure, there are homes and places that will take people like that in, but what if her pimp found out that she’d run off? What might happen to her? So instead she stayed. And dealt with the beatings. And dealt with her own flaws, and her own shitty life, and then died at a very young age, alone and sad in a dirty apartment.

And you, Ana, you who have everything you ever wanted, you who has never wanted for anything in your whole life, you say that you’re somehow stronger than that woman? Really?

I call bullshit.

Anyway, so then Christian asks Ana why she safe-worded.

I swallow. “Because…because you were so angry and distant and…cold. I didn’t know how far you’d go.”

NOW TELL ME AGAIN, HOW IS THIS RELATIONSHIP NOT ABUSIVE?

If you’re in a situation with your partner, and you are literally terrified of them because you “don’t know how far they’ll go,” that is FUCKED UP and you need to GET THE FUCK OUT.

And then Christian says he’s “glad” that Ana safe-worded because he got “carried away” and he doesn’t “want to hurt” Ana.

I just can’t believe the literal fountain of bullshit excuses that is spewing from Christian’s mouth right now. I mean, really, it’s quite impressive.

But Ana just thinks this is all endearing and charming, and they talk about how much they need each other, how much they missed each other, how much they love each other, and then they go to sleep. Ugh. Vomit.

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