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So then Ana wakes up in the playroom to Christian having a bad dream. Ana wakes him up from that, and he immediately rolls over and pins her to the bed and starts making out with her, and clearly wants to have sex?
I mean, usually when I wake up from a nightmare, my first thought isn’t “OH MY GOD I HAVE TO HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW,” but maybe that’s just me.
But Ana has a different reaction (as she so often does), and is immediately turned on by this whole thing, and starts thinking about how she wants to “heal him,” and have him “heal” her too, and I don’t know what that means, but it sounds an awful lot like she thinks that having sex can fix the problems they have in their relationship, which is a pile of laughable bullshit, but whatever.
They have sex, Christian cums, but Ana doesn’t, and this is practically devastating to Ana. She’s literally never had to deal with a sexual encounter that didn’t result in her orgasming (the last time, and only time, it happened was when she safe-worded, and that doesn’t really count), so I guess this must be pretty shocking to her.
Christian, to his credit, immediately notices that she didn’t finish, and starts going down on her. This may be one of the only (if not THE only) redeeming quality he has. So that’s nice, and that page-long encounter is one of the few actually sexy parts of this book. Well…provided that you completely ignore the two preceding chapters, and Christian’s entire character, and just imagine that a sexy man is going down on a sexy lady…then it’s sexy. But once you realize that it’s Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele…the scene loses its luster.
And then…oh, they just immediately start having sex again. Because apparently Christian only needs to wait literally 5 minutes to get a new boner. Is that kind of turn-around time even possible for dudes? Maybe for a small minority of men, and probably only very rarely, if at all. I…I don’t think Ms. James actually knows how penises work, to be honest.
They both finish, and then they decide to go to bed in their actual bedroom, not in the playroom.
Suddenly it’s 3:20 AM and Ana wakes up to find that Christian isn’t in bed.
SO SUSPENSEFUL. WOW.
Ana hears the piano playing in the other room. She goes to find him, and he says he’s really shaken up by the whole situation.
“A deranged asshole gets into my apartment to kidnap my wife. She won’t do as she’s told. She drives me crazy. She safe words on me.” He closes his eyes briefly, and when he opens them again, they are stark and raw. “Yeah, I’m pretty shaken up.”
I’m so glad you put “Ana doesn’t do what she’s told” in the same category as “Jack Hyde attempts to kidnap my wife.” Those two problems are definitely of equal severity.
Christian seems to be FAR MORE upset that Ana went to the bar without his permission than he is about Jack Hyde breaking in. Which is pretty fucked up.
Christian then says that he dreamed that Ana was dead, which I imagine would be a pretty horrifying dream, but it doesn’t make me feel bad for him in any way because he is literally irredeemable in my eyes. He’s a manipulative, abusive asshole, and no amount of sad nightmares will make me forget that.
They go back to bed, and wake up much more peacefully. Unfortunately, that means that Ana wakes up and has plenty of time to reflect on things, which means I’m in for an exceedingly boring couple of pages. Ugh. I hate when Ana has time to think about things, nothing she says in these parts is every interesting.
Christian wakes up, and SURPRISE they’re going to Aspen. Because when you’re a rich bastard you can just wake up and decide to go to Aspen. Over-privileged dick.
They get to the airport and find out that Christian has also invited Kate, Elliot, Mia, and Ethan (Kate’s brother). That was nice of him. It’s also nice that none of them have jobs that don’t allow them to take vacation time. I mean, I read a lot of fantasy novels, and I’m pretty good at suspending my disbelief, but the level of sheer absurdity that takes place in this series is astonishing. I think Westeros is a more realistic world than the one in this series, to be honest.
The plane ride is largely boring, with Kate interrogating Ana and Christian about the Jack Hyde business, and how apparently Jack Hyde might have been working with someone else. Ana asks if it could be Elena (formerly known as Mrs. Robinson), but Christian dismisses the idea. There seems to be something weird going on between Kate and Elliot, but we don’t know what it is yet.
End of Chapter Twelve
Well, at least this chapter wasn’t as horrifying as the last two. So there’s that. This one was pretty routine, mostly boring, with a few sentences thrown in to remind me exactly why I hate Christian Grey so much.
I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, but hopefully it will be next week sometime! No guarantees, obviously, but I’ll do my best. Thanks for reading! You all are seriously the best.