Caitlin Liveblogs the Fifty Shades trilogy: SPECIAL REPORT

So, as I’m sure many of you saw, a teaser trailer has been released for the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie, that is set to come out this coming Valentines Day (in 2015).

Here it is, in all of it’s glory:

I tried to embed the video, but I am pretty historically terrible at doing that, so here’s the link as well, in case the above video doesn’t work:

So, as the resident expert on this awful, horrifying nightmare of a book series, here are my thoughts:

THIS TRAILER IS SETTING UP AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

THIS TRAILER LOOKS LIKE A TRAILER FOR A MOVIE THAT’S ABOUT HOW A WOMAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH AN ABUSIVE MAN. IT LOOKS LIKE A THRILLER MOVIE ABOUT A BAD, ABUSIVE MAN, SOMEONE WHO IS CAPABLE OF STALKING, BEATING, THREATENING, OR OTHERWISE ABUSING/HARMING A WOMAN.

So, as far as I’m concerned, it actually looks pretty accurate to the books. And maybe women will see this and go “wait…why does he seem like he constantly wants to rape her?”

I mean, fucking jesus, look at what happens about :50 into the video. The elevator doors close, and the music swells, and the music doesn’t crescendo like it does in romantic scenes of movies, it crescendos the way it does when Wendy is trying to get out of the bathroom window in The Shining, right before Jack Nicholson axes the door.

I don’t see how this movie can be “romantic,” because it just screams “abuse.” And if the movie stays faithful to the books, it will LITERALLY just be porn. Bad porn.

However, the movie does have one really great advantage over the books: when you watch the movie, you won’t have to suffer through pages upon pages upon pages of Anastasia Steele’s god-awful internal dialogue. No “internal goddess,” no up-tight subconscious, no 20 pages of useless thoughts and opinions that don’t advance the plot or develop the characters in any way.

So, I guess there’s that?

I don’t know. I just keep thinking of the movie “Fear,” with Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon, the one where it starts off romantic and then suddenly people are carving names into their chests and holding a family hostage inside their home. If there is any kind of truth in this movie, they will change the ending and show Christian Grey for what he actually is: a manipulative fuck-bucket who derives happiness and pleasure from causing pain (emotional and physical) to women, and who enjoys stalking people and preventing his girlfriend/wife from going out in public with anyone other than him. But I’m sure that instead the movie will try and make Christian seem like the “perfect man” that so many people think he is, and I will have a thousand more people to argue with about this bullshit.

What are your thoughts?

[PS: I’m working on the next chapter of liveblogs right now, so you can hopefully expect them later tonight, or tomorrow at the latest.]

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Caitlin Liveblogs the Fifty Shades trilogy: SPECIAL REPORT

  1. I think one of the funny things about movies is how they force you to see things you can ignore when you read. From gore to shitty relationships. Remember how upset people were when Twilight turned into a bad movie? It accurately showed how boring Bella and how creepy Edward were. People had to face their true OTP.

  2. A thought of mine: First we see romantic stuff, gliding and so on, but from 1:46 on the trailer introduces us to CG’s “dark secret” with BDSM paraphernalia and an Ana bucking in ecstacy against her bonds. So far, so good. What rubs me the wrong way is the display of s&m as some dark, risky thrill, something forbidden and occult. Of course all this can be involved within a session/scene, but buiding from this a mainstream face for BDSM is questionable at least. I’m afraid what I just wrote can transport my notion only to a certain degree, yet I hope one is able to catch my general drift: “Oh, CG is so dark and mysterious, and Ana is so submissive and damsel-in-distressque, and they are so kinky, and when we watch that flick we are kinky too, and everybody who doesn’t watch it and never read the books is a dull vanilla bore.”

    Sorry, I can try to explain my concerns better if needed.

    • At least it seems to catch the drift of the book then. One of my friends started reading the book. Even though she already was into “kinky” things, she began using terms like “vanilla” for things that weren’t up to par with the sex in the book (which honestly isn’t that kinky for being a BDSM novel). Even if we move away from how horribly inaccurate the book displays that community, it seems to give off this air that anyone who doesn’t participate is missing out on this secret club, and less of a lover. It could have been a great series about the choice of a couple to do something less common, but it turned into one about how if they didn’t, Ana didn’t really love Christian. That’s a great message to show a bunch of fangirls.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s